Somebody Stand By Me

My Baby

*Stevie's POV*

Tears are rolling down my cheeks as I listen to my child telling me the hell they have been living in. I listen to the pain in Ethan's voice and my heart hurts. My child is in pain and I wish I could take that pain away.

Ethan tells me that he's known he was different since he was a small child. Now that I think back on it, it all makes sense. He has always gravitated to girls things. I just figured that it was normal because all he's had to play with was his sister. So it's normal for siblings to share toys. Also, I didn't think much of it when Ethan would play dress up with Sara. Again, I just thought he was just playing. I don't see anything wrong with boys playing dress up.

But, he's also telling me that when Lindsey would make him change out of the princess dresses, Ethan would cry, which is true. Ethan would throw a fit when Lindsey made him change or stop playing with Sara's toys and dolls.

I never made him stop willingly. When Lindsey would yell at Ethan I would make Ethan change or stop playing with his sisters toys. But when Lindsey wasn't looking, I would let Ethan play and dress how he wanted.

He, his, him...I can't stop saying those pronouns. I've known my child all their life as one gender and now to change to another is just...hard. Gosh, I can't imagine what it's like for Ethan to live through this everyday.

My child is transgender. I may not understand fully but I will fully support Ethan no matter what.

After he is done speaking, I pull him to me hugging him tight as we sob together.

I then pull away and gently hold Ethan's face in my hands and say. "I love you so so much Ethan. You're my child and I will always support you no matter what. We will get through this together and I will help you become who you truly are!"
"Thank you!" Ethan sobs. "Thank you! I love you mom!"

Ethan's eyes look down as if he is thinking about something. No, wait, she. Once again, it's going to take me a while to use the right pronouns.

"There's something else I want to tell you." Ethan says. "Please know that I've been struggling with this for so long and the feeling of being trapped and not being able to be myself has drove me to do this."

Ethan pulls his sleeves up and I gasp. Fresh tears roll down my cheeks and I can't handle this but I have to stay strong for my child.

"There's more on my thighs too." Ethan says. "I hate my body. Especially, down there."

I gently take his arm in my hands and say. "Oh my baby..."

I hold his arm higher and place gentle kisses on each cut. Then I focus on the other arm. I kiss his boos boos and hope it'll help, like it did when Ethan was a small child.

I pull his sleeves down and say. "Please, baby, don't do this to yourself anymore. I promise you there won't be a need for you to this anymore." Ethan nods and I continue. "Just know, that this is all new to me and I don't fully understand. I need you to correct when I use the wrong pronouns, okay? Because, I know I'll miss up. I mean, you've my baby boy for sixteen years! So please, don't be upset if I screw up."

I look at Ethan and I finally see a smile on his face. A true genuine smile that I haven't seen in months. I smile through my tears and Ethan hugs me once again.

"Thank you Mom. You have no idea what this means to me that you support me." She says.

Okay, I'm learning; I said she.

"Oh! Mom...please don't tell Dad! At least not yet." Ethan says. "You know how he can be."
"I won't say a word. I promise." I say.

I pull away and kiss her cheek. "Say...how about tomorrow night after we get home from the studio, you, Sara and I will have a girls night? We can watch a movie, paint our nails, and eat some junk food?" I say, trying not to crumble.
"I would love that very much!" Ethan says much more happier now.

Even though Ethan is sixteen years old, I tuck him into bed. I kiss Ethan's cheek then I make my way to Sara's room.

I close the door and we start to talk. We sob of course, because now we know that Ethan has been going through this all alone for years.

We make a pact that together, we will help Ethan become who he was truly meant to be.

Again, even though Sara is sixteen, I still tuck her into bed and kiss her cheek.

I leave her room and make way to my bedroom. Yes, I support Ethan but all that he's told me is crashing down on me. I'm feeling so overwhelmed. Ethan has been cutting himself and I feel as if I failed as a mother.

Once inside my bedroom, I close the door then turn around. Oh no! I forgot Robert is here. I can feel myself about to burst so I rush into my closet. I close the door and rush to the far end of it where I know I won't disturb Robert.

I sit down on the floor and sob. I sob loudly. I know I said I would help Ethan but, I feel so lost. Maybe I should take Ethan to a therapist. No, not just Ethan. Sara, Ethan and I, so the therapist can help all of us through this next chapter in our lives.

I hope you all are still enjoying this story.

Please let me know your thoughts about Stevie's relationship with her children and what do you all think Lindsey's reaction would be to Ethan being transgender?

Also, how about Robert's reaction? Do you think he'll be supportive and be there for not just Ethan but for Stevie as well?

Last question, now, I've hinted that Robert and Stevie have talked about having a baby. I'm not sure if I'll go that route yet because I want to know all of your thoughts about this idea.

Please comment! Thank you for reading!