Chapter 11
It was early, too early I decided to be awake. I turned over to see Gary was already up. I looked at the Clock, 6.15am. I pulled back the covers and grabbed Gary's shirt that was laying in the floor. I quickly fastened a couple of buttons and wearily padded out of the bedroom to go and find him.
As I entered the kitchen, Gary was sat at the table with his head in his hands, his fingers were gripping his hair. He looked, lost. I walked up to him and placed a tender kiss on the top of his shoulder, making him jump.
"Oh morning beautiful, sorry if I woke you".
He looked exhausted, it was obvious he hadn't slept very well last night. I flicked the switch on the kettle and starting about making some breakfast.
"Lu"
"Yea" I turned to look at him, he looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. "What's up? You look dreadful"
"I had another dream last night, they are becoming more frequent again"
"Again? Have you had these dreams before then?"
"Yes, last year, I thought they had gone, but since I met you, they have come back again. I'm really worried, I don't know how to stop them and I don't want them to ruin what we have"
I could see the pain in his eyes, they were glazing over, like he was fighting back the tears. I put down the cup I was holding and walked over to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed the top of his head.
"Look, I know something has happened in your past, and what ever it is really has and still is affecting you badly. I would like to try and help you through this but I do understand if you can't talk to me about it. But please stop thinking that it will have an impact on us"
"I do want to talk to you and explain what happened, I'm just so scared of how you will react. I haven't spoken about it to anyone other than the boys, the police and the courts"
Woah, the police and courts, what has he done that they were involved. Gary must have seen the reaction on my face,
"See you don't even know what happened and you are judging me. I'm sorry, I can't do this". He said with tears in his eyes and stood up and started to walk out of the kitchen. I just stood there watching him, my mind in overdrive. As he reached the doorway, I suddenly realised that what ever this was, was bigger than I originally thought. Could I handle this, whatever THIS is. I wanted to go to him, to tell him everything was going to be ok, but I couldn't move. As he disappeared my heart sank. I sat in the chair where he had been sitting, it was still warm. I just sat there staring at nothing, my head spinning with thoughts about what might have happened last year. I tried to remember if I had heard of anything, but I couldn't think of anything.
I must have been sitting there for awhile, when suddenly Gary appeared back in the doorway. He was dressed and had his keys in his hand
"I'm going to head out for a bit, give you some space to collect your things, I'm sorry but I can't be here and watch you leave. Please take your time and I am so sorry"
He turned to leave, suddenly I felt like I had just been hit by a truck
"Gary wait, what do you mean, do you want me to leave? Why? Please, talk to me"
Gary stood with his back to me, his hand running through his hair. I stood quickly and walked over to where he stood, as I put my hands on his arms, I felt him flinch under my touch. He stepped forward so my touch left him, he turned slowly to look at me, tears falling from his eyes
"I saw the look on you face when I was talking about the past, I could see the look of disappointment. I can't bear to see how you will react when I do tell you what happened. I have fallen for you Lu, and I can't stand to think you will judge me and think it is all true".
