Speak | Joshifer

Chapter 55

I haven't been able to keep in touch much with some of my Hunger Games cast mates. We've recently started filming, but soon I'll have to start doing X-Men promos. Which means seeing Nicholas again. I don't think Josh realizes the drama that will soon circulate around that. He's aware that I won't be around for Atlanta filming much, but he's totally blocked Nicholas from his mind. As if he's forgotten him and never wants to remember. But I know deep down inside, he knows what's coming.

Josh has been really good about keeping our relationship hidden from the public. Nobody really understands that we're serious about. Not even our cast mates. They think we're being playful as ever. But it's kind of a nice feeling, I guess. Only we really know what's hidden under the surface. How many times he's told me he loves me, the petty fights, but most of all, the nights we've spent together. The one thing that no one can take away from me is the memories of us lying next to each other, our bodies entwined as we drift to sleep. I've never felt physically and emotionally closer to anyone than in those moments with Josh.

But other than that, things have actually been running smoothly for once. We've gotten a lot of filming done since the first cast reading. The first half of Mockingjay is almost done and we're almost ready to be flying off to Paris for the rest of filming. The cast is fired up about Mockinjay Part 1 and my relationship with Josh is at ease. Finally.

It was actually the night after the cast reading. We were sitting in the living room, watching whatever was on the TV. I could tell Josh was eager for it, considering the countless amount of times he told me he loved me. He asked if we could please go up to what is now our room and lie down for a bit. I'm no idiot, and I know where this all would lead to. So we did lie down together, but it soon led to something deeper. It felt like he was leading me into a dream. His hands lightly massaged my bare back. His fingers tickled the skin on my shoulders. All through out the silence, between our sweat-covered bodies, he repeated over and over again. "I love you." It was gentle, but it ignited me in a way like no other before. Sex might be the same for some people, but this was different with Josh. He gave me his heart and I gave him mine in return. He made me feel safe. I felt light as air. Nobody could take him away from me now, not after this. Together, we created something that only we knew about. Another secret to keep from the world. Love. Because that sounds a hell of a lot better than just saying sex.

Every time I see him, I still get the same fluttery feeling in my chest. I can tell he gets it too. It's like he can't help but smile and laugh to himself. And being on a closed set in Atlanta together makes us feel free to act as goofy as we want. As a matter of fact, he's filming a scene right now. At least he's trying to.

"Jennifer, you have to stop making faces at Josh. He's not focusing," Francis says trying to fix the camera angles.

"Sorry," I peep from behind his directors chair. "Sorry, Josh." I laugh.

"Josh just try not to look at her anymore." Francis insists.

"I think we both know that's impossible." Josh jokes.

"Okay, let's try it one more time please." Francis says to his camera men. "Quiet on set! Action!"

Josh's smile drops and he clenches his jaw to get back into character. He's now hijacked Peeta. The storyline breaks my heart. Peeta was the one person in the books who wanted to stay true to himself and protect the one girl he loved. And now he's brainwashed by the Capital. There really is no bigger tragedy in this series than Peeta's.

It's weird watching Josh act as a different person. Peeta is a much more serious person than Josh will ever be.

I crinkle my nose and stick my tongue out as Josh's eyes move towards me. He fights down a smile by clenching his jaw tightly again. But I'm not one to give up so easily. I wave my arms in the air trying to capture his attention again. He diverts his eyes away, but has to bite his lip in order to conceal his laughter.