Set Me Free

18. Panic Attack

Five days had passed, now the 22nd, and Apollos and I tried our best to do stuff together to keep ourselves in a good mood until the 25th of this month. But as the days got closer, I realized how frightened I was to be losing the ability of having happiness. Was losing one of my emotions worth living for? Living the rest of my life as a depressed dude wasn't the best thing to do.

Midnight had gone by just seconds ago, and suddenly, my heart began to thump and run as if I was about to dive off the highest cliff in the world. Sweat generated and started to run down my face as I tossed in the bed, completely forgetting that Apollos was on the side of the bed that was closest to the open. I felt a massive rush of panic jolt my body as I made a rapid shift in position, now breathing in and out with an unsteady rhythm.

"Woah!" A thud came after the awakened cry.

Calm the fuck down, Dan. You still have three days!

"Dan?" A warm feeling poked the back of my neck before I thrashed and swallowed through my dry throat.

Control yourself, bastard! This is your own fault!

"Are you okay?!" I felt a hard kick in the back of my thigh from Apollos' leg. "Talk to me!"

"I-"

"You what?" His voice became frantic as I heard the clatter of hooves inside my room. "Uh...hold on! I-I'll go fetch some water!"

Can reindeer even carry a cup of water?!

"I'm back!" I felt a bruising pain jam into my back as I rolled around quickly. Apollos had grabbed a water bottle from this package of plastic bottles I had bought last week. Smart guy.

A throbbing cluster of thumps pumped inside my head as I sat up with a sick feeling in my mind. The bottle was opened, and I immediately gulped half of it down within a single sip. My bed tipped equally on the other side of me as I tiredly rubbed my face and looked over to see Apollos in a resting position, with his head cocked up at me with worried eyes.

Apollos sighed when he saw my body loosen. "Don't scare me like that," he mumbled and lowered his head into his ball of warmth.

"Sorry," I sighed, and hung my legs over the side of the bed. "I still haven't gotten used to the fact that this is happening to me."

I looked over and caught a small shrug from Apollos. His head rose up again as he lazily shuffled closer to me on the edge of the bed. I reached my hand out and brushed it along his thick coat of fur as I stared down and felt the unbearable rush of small tears. I wasn't ready yet. I had to much to live for with the emotion of happiness.

"Are you crying?" Apollos caught me as a few drops fell and pattered against the floor. The moonlight seeping through my blinds revealed the dark hue to be red.

"Maybe," I sniffled.

"I used to be like that...before my time came," he said. "I was actually supposed to be moved up to the status of king because Father was about to sacrifice himself in the war."

"So you bawled your eyes out?" I wiped away the red tear-line as I brought my lanky, long legs back into the comfort of the blanket. Apollos nodded slightly.

"It was around the same time, same amount of time of the day of the coronation," he said quietly. "My father didn't really care whether I wanted to be the king, and I had no choice since I had no other male siblings to pass down the crown to."

"Then how'd you stop the anxiety attack?" I laid down and let my head sink into the pillow.

"I didn't," he muttered. "Mother didn't hear me from her room in the palace, so I just-"

"You weren't even cared for?" I gasped.

"I wouldn't say that...I just didn't have the courage to stand up to my father to tell him my true feelings about being the next one in line."

"But wouldn't he have just abused you even more?" I asked with my eyes closed.

"Maybe, but he would have hit me either way for fooling around with my football," Apollos' heavy and warm reindeer body slumped right beside me. The coldness of the necklace glided through my fingers as I sleepily felt the super smooth texture.

"That's a shame," I propped one eye open to peek at him. "How'd he get so abusive?"

"He was raised by barbarians," Apollos sighed tiredly, his body slowly going up and down in a breathing motion. "And how're you feeling?"

"Calm," I shrugged while laying in my casual sleeping position.

"I applaud you for controlling your anxiety."

"Thanks."