imperishable

♡♡♡

dear damien,

it has already been a week since the day i found you lying on the sofa in our living room and you ave not said a word to me once. not once. you have ignored me and i am wondering if that helps you deal with the pain. i hope so, because it is not very helpful for me.

i miss you, damien, but i know that i have to keep my distance, that i can't fall back to you. if i would, would you take me back? i am not sure because i have never seen you so desperate to get away from me. every time i get home, you lie on that sofa and every time you look thiner and more tired.

have you even slept at all? it surprises me that you still sleep in the same bed as me. but it's the only thought keeping me from telling you how much i love you. because if you wouldn't, i knew that you stopped loving me once and for all.

and i couldn't live with that thought.

so, thank you for keeping me sane, damien. i know that i should be doing the same, because after all, that is all what love is about, but well, you are supposed to believe that i don't love you anymore.

how can you ever believe that, damien? don't you remember the times when i promised you to never stop loving you? don't you remember that? and didn't you notice how serious i was even though i was laughing? i love you, damien. i always have and always will, even after my death.

i actually don't know why i am writing this to you, because after you read this, you will be broken. i tried to save you with taking my love from you, but when you read this, you know that i never stopped. so why am i doing this? maybe to know that you will remember me as your first real love. maybe to die without having to be too guilty.

but the reason doesn't matter. to me, it only matters that you believe me and i don't know if you do.

please, damien, believe me.

i never ever stopped loving you. how could i? - cassie