Persona || Makoharu || Free!

•The Ones Who Suffer•

(A/N~ There is description of self harm in this chapter.)

-Makoto's pov-

You're staring at the ceiling,
Trapped between these walls,
But you can't erase the feeling,
That you've been here before,
All the lies they have told you,
Come crashing like a wave,
And as it drags you under,
You know you can't be saved.

I read the poem a few times again. I then look for the author, but I see that their name is now faded and not legible. I was looking for a book to read for my English class when I came across with this.

I relate to this poem in so many ways. I don't feel like myself. I believe I was different once. Now I'm like a watered down version, skinny and now pale. I just fade into the background, afraid of saying the wrong thing so I just smile. It feels like I'm growing sharp edges so no one can get close to me. Not my parents, my siblings, my friends, and not Haru.

"Sir, the library is going to close. You need to leave." A older woman tells me.

I nod, put the poem back where o found it, grab my things and run home.

~~~~~~~

Everything hurts.

I am eating dinner with my family, well, everyone else is eating while I spoon my dinner from one edge of the plate to another.

I feel out of place even with my whole family.

"I'll race you to eat two bowls of rice in three minutes! I can totally beat you!" Ren threatens his sister.

"No way! Prove it!" Ran fires back.

I sigh and grab my plate, "mom, dad, may I please be excused to my room? I need to finish my homework."

"Sure thing sweetheart! Study hard and go to bed at a reasonable time!" My mom calls out from the kitchen while my dad just gives a soft hum.

I dump my plate in the sink and run upstairs to the bathroom. I shut my door, hearing the quiet 'click' when I lock it, getting the privacy I deserve. I raid under the bathroom skin by pipes and pull out a small razor.

I pulled it out of a ordinary pencil sharpener when the twins wanted new ones, so I took their old sharpener. Now, it is disconnected and has no purpose or function... for most people.

I unbuckle my jeans and push them down, leaving me in just my underwear.

I can't risk letting people see again. I can't lie to Haru again. I don't want him to ask anymore questions.

I hover my finger over my clear skin. I press down on it, a stinging and throbbing greet me as red beads of blood erupt from the first shallow cut.

I press down again, the tension releases slightly.  It's odd how a twisted satisfaction helps me feel better.

I get a sour feeling in the bottom of my stomach when the memory of Haru reappears.

What if he knew I was lying? What if he knew what I was doing?

I start to lose track of how many cuts I do when many thoughts fill my head.

This one for being so careless. This one for being so stupid. This one for being so annoying to everyone. I am an idiot. I am a horrible friend. No one should have to put up with me!

I slam my razor down on the bathroom counter next to me. I drop my head and let the sobs escape from my mouth.

It feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest.

I don't want to die, there are things to do, school to home, swim captain to older brother. It's really tiring and sometimes it feels pointless, but I know there are people who are counting on me.

I'm living for other people, not myself.

~~~~~~~

-Haru's pov-

Makoto hasn't been smiling much lately.

I'm worried about him.

I look out the window and pier down at his room's window across the way. The light is still on and I see dark shadows passing back and forth behind the green curtains.

I glance over at the clock, the red number tell me that it is eleven at night. Usually Makoto goes to bed around ten or ten thirty.

Maybe he is just staying up later to get homework done.

I close my dark blue curtains and flop down on my bed. I pull the cover over my body and head as I try to get into a comfortable sleeping position. I shut my eyes and let out a soft hum. Thoughts of Makoto is the last thing I think before I fall asleep.