Adoption

Sorry- A/N

A/N: I know you'll be expecting this to be an update, so I'm really sorry on that count but I just need to say this.

I chose what has definitely been the most busy in a bad way year to start a fanfic.

Generally my health has been crap. If you've read my other book about my heart then you'll know that since last September I've had loads of heart hospital appointments, which lead up to my diagnosis in late January.

I don't think you know this, but but if I hadn't of had a breakdown in front of my mum last August to make her get my heart investigated, then that day I got diagnosed could of actually been the day I died and it would of been at school too.

(I've got the same heart problem as Jessie J)

I've had not just the diagnosis, but also for over 2 weeks I had horrible side effects from the tablets that were meant to make me better. Included in them side effects was confusion and episodes of short term memory loss and hell I wouldn't want anyone to go through that.

Because of the side effects, I've pushed forwards my heart operation (ablation) to this summer so now I have to prepare myself for that and I admit I don't think I've properly had the realisation yet.

Asides from my heart health, my general health has been rubbish. My tolerance to painkillers has gone up gradually since November and now unlike most people who can feel almost normal after just 100/200mg of ibuprofen or paracetamol, 750mg of either only just works for me.

I've also had numerous headaches, bugs etc which suck, but I also had a mysterious pain+ sickness for 8 days that ended in my first ever migraine.

Today I'm also ill; sat in bed with a horrible headache (bearing through so I can write this) and a sickness all day that has left me with zero appetite that I had to force myself to eat plain toast at 3:10pm and I only just managed that.

Finally, I think, I've been struggling with my mental health for the past 5ish weeks. A year ago I nearly got into trouble with mental health but Jessie's music helped me to stay strong through that time.

Anxiety always stayed with me in a minority, then that built up and had what was my first proper anxiety/panic attack on my birthday. This time as much as I'd like it to, her music isn't working anymore.

A month ago I found out that one of my closest friends self harms and has started with an eating disorder and that did anything but help my mental state. I'm not as bad now mentally, I'm on a good day, but my anxiety is still there and over-thinking sucks.

There's other mental things too that have been present for the past 4-5 weeks, but anxiety is my main one.

Idek if this makes sense because my head has got too bad to check over it, but I'll probably edit it later

I hope you understand that I will update when I don't feel as bad or when I'm not ill again, but I've got no idea when that'll be

~Jessie xx