Emergent

Chapter Thirteen

I have suddenly forgotten where to go. I have no sense of direction. I turn a corner and slump against the wall, and I burst. I knew this would happen. I knew it. And to think, I was stupid enough to believe that this was going well. It would work out, and we could go back to normal, minus the war.

Then I started thinking, as I always do. Of course I want to spend a life with Tobias and my family. Of course I never want to return to the peanut of a house that I had spent the past two and a half years alone in. But I have to accept that I have to go back, and I will never be able to spend my life with the people I love. I left for a reason. And I intend on returning.

I suddenly recognize where I am, and how to get out. I have to go down six flights of stairs to get to the exit where the nearest car is parked, but it doesn't matter. I need to leave. I start up and make a break for it.

I hear footsteps pounding behind me, the obvious sound of running. "Tris!" Tobias calls to me. Shoot, he saw me. I'll just have to out run him. Tobias himself told me in Dauntless initiation that I was fast. I can do it, I can beat him, and leave them be forever.

"Tris! Please!" Tobias calls to me. I run even faster. I trip over a step every now and then, but I get back up as fast as I can. I cannot let my re-occurring clumsiness be the cause of me staying.

I finally reach the bottom floor, the wind already knocked out of me. I can't stop to catch my breath though. I attempt to push open the door, but I need to push it a second time for it to actually open. I don't have time to think of wether the door was that heavy or I am that weak.

I am just able to wrap my hand around the car door handle when another hand clutches at my forearm. I try to pull away but the grasp is too tight. I turn to face the piercing blue eyes, wild with an emotion I fail to read, staring, glaring, I don't know which, back at me.

"Tris." Tobias starts, but then catches a glance at my hand wrapped around the car door.

"Were you trying to-" he stops. He knows the answer. He rips his hand off of my arm, the soft, concerned look that was on his face contorts to uttermost rage.

"Fine. Leave. See if I care." He basically whispers. He storms off, slamming the bureau door behind him.

I stand in shock for a moment, but I get into the car and start it up. It isn't until I drive away that tears start to burn behind my eyes.

I thank God for the fact that the road "home" is never traveled. With my vision compromised by tears, I wonder how I didn't hit anything.

A part of me wishes I had.