The Sultan's Daughter (Princesses Uncovered #5)

Chapter 52: Forgiveness

Yaz stood at the edge of the graves, staring out at the people she’d been tricking for the last month or so.

It was Gafar’s funeral, and she was supposed to say a few words, but she couldn’t do it. She’d prepared the paper and herself. Told herself she had to for the sake of their old friendship. But now she couldn’t go through with it.

She couldn’t stop thinking of all the terrible things that had happened to her because of him. Everything he’d done to her through the last few years haunted her to the extent that she didn’t know if she could ever move on.

She shook her head mutely at the crowd. “I… I’m sorry… I just… I can’t…” She backed towards her palanquin. “I…” She stopped moving. “I was supposed to say a few words in his honor… But I can’t…” She stammered.

People were staring at her, frowns on their faces, confusion in their eyes and murmurs.

She stood her ground then, knowing she had to tell them the truth. She couldn’t keep lying about what she’d felt towards Gafar. Trembling, she stood in the center of the crescent of people, a small figure with haggard eyes and sticks instead of fingers.

She hadn’t been eating well because of her grief and angst over this event.

Now it was time to end it. To let go finally and let her life air out.

“The… The truth is…” She stumbled onward in her impromptu speech. “The truth is that I never loved Gafar… I didn’t want to marry him. I know what you saw, what you thought, what you heard… It was all an act. I… I regret to say that I loathed the man I married. I did it because the life of the man I did love was on the line... My cousin, Cemal, was going to die if I didn’t marry Gafar and make everyone, including Gafar himself, believe that I loved him…” She choked up then, unable to go on.

Tears came to her eyes and started streaming down her cheeks. “I never supported Hashim or Gafar in reality. I worked to undermine them in secret, though there was little I could actually do for those who wanted to rebel… And I… I lost the baby because Hashim was angry with me for telling Gafar the truth. He – in many ways – caused the miscarriage…” She stared down at the ground in silence for a long while.

Then she looked up at the crowd, a small smile on her face. “But whatever happened these last few months… He’s dead now. I can’t say that there was much good for him, but… But I want everyone to know that… That this was not an easy decision… But I want everyone to know that I forgive him… I forgive him for everything he did to me. For all the pain, the heartache, for making me suffer the way he did, for being the reason I lost the baby I loved so much. For being the separation between me and Cemal…” 

She walked to the sand where Gafar had been buried beside Hashim. A traitor’s grave out in the desert where none would disturb it. The small wooden pieces of wood were all that marked the graves. She knelt down beside the sand, placing her hand on it. “I forgive you both… Even though you brought me pain such as I have never known, I forgive you… Even though you stole my father from me and took my unborn child, Hashim… I forgive you…

“Even though you stole my chance to be an unblemished bride to the man I actually loved, Gafar… I forgive you… Even though you were the reason why my child was killed, I forgive you… I forgive you because if I don’t, I will spend the rest of my life holding this within my heart… And I can’t live like that… So I am letting go.” She whispered, her voice so soft no one around her could hear her words. “I forgive you.”