Wandering Mind

That Special Kind Of Sadness

It's that special kind of sadness, I think you know the type I'm talking about. That kind of sadness where you're aware that you're sad, but it also has you feeling as empty as the clouds after rain. That unescapable sadness where your mind is blank, devoid of thought, and the only thing you can focus on is the raw, raging emotions coursing through your chest. You feel as if there is and iron clamp around your heart, it's frigid vice slowly being twisted tighter every second.

That kind of sadness that has tears pooling in your misty eyes and as they slide down your cheeks and trace the curve of your jaw, you wonder why they had to fall in the first place. With all the practice you have had at hiding your tears, could you not keep those at bay? Could you not store them in the vast ocean that you hide behind your eyes? Apparently not.

But... what was it about this kind of sadness that made it any different from the rest? It was different because as you gradually lay your head down to rest you are overcome with feelings of nothing. You are numb. As your eyes slip slowly shut you feel rain mix with the tears cascading down your face and silently thank the world for that one mercy. Because when it rains, no one can know of your tears.

...Out there on the cold, dark ground I lay in silence as the world all but became bare in the stillness that surrounded me, only broken by the soft fall of the raindrops all around my frozen body. Unable to move in the slightest, not that I had any desire to do so, I simply let my tears fall freely. Along with the rain that seeded the dying earth...

Because it was that kind of sadness. The kind that makes you forget happiness in all its forms. That kind that drains your soul of the memory of happiness... And when it is done with you? The numbness in your mind has encompassed your body... and all that is left of you is the frozen corpse on the ground outside.

~JJ