Wandering Mind

Sins Of The Heart

My heart burns in sorrowful longing at the self inflicted, sweet, agonising torment that is you. Why? Why must you be so irresistible? How am I meant to keep from falling into that fiery abyss I swore to which I would never fall with you unintentionally luring me with your whispered promises of sweet joy and fulfilment?

Would it be childish of me to think you unfair? Because somehow, you are completely unaware of the spellbinding influence you have upon me. And I hate it. Not you, I could never hate you, but with each passing moment that I linger...that I allow myself to delve deeper into this questionable pleasure, is a moment closer to my very own self destruction. And I despise myself for allowing this. Why must I be so weak willed? Why must I be so susceptible to your unknowing charm? How extremely unfair you are!

And yet I cannot help but survey this situation with cynical humour as I fall further and further into a place from which there is no return. How I had scorned the idea that I of all people might be able to commit this act of sin that I had questioned multiple times before. How am I to recover from this? They say that all sins happen in the mind, well I am trapped in the cavern of my own mind as I try my upmost to settle the war of emotions that quarrel within me. But to no avail.

And so this vicious cycle must continue until the blazing passion that smolders within me, grinds to a halt. For what lies ahead of me should I encourage the flame is to world-shattering for any being to contemplate. Therfore I shall attempt to annihilate all emotions and would willing destroy my own heart rather than allow you, or anyone else to obtain possession over it. I fear I have no choice but to destroy it in order to protect all from the consequences of an untamed heart.

~JJ