Beautiful Liar || L. Lawliet X Reader

17. Provokation

Song: 'Be Happy' by FRND

Hour 13

{ Oct. 28, 20XX: 04:48 – Teito Hotel (Floor 13) }

It's been awhile since I've dreamed of Beyond.

Tonight, he's himself. The Beyond I knew as a kid. His long black hair is pinned back as usual, and loose strands fall over his dark eyes. He stands in front of me in a long black sweater and maroon pants that complimented him extraordinarily well. For the first time in years, I see him, and his eyes are filled with warmth and love instead of madness. It's a sight that breaks my heart to the very core.

And faintly, I see myself. Standing opposite to him dressed in black, clutching wilting roses in my hand. Blood streaks down my arms as the thorns pierce my skin. My eyes were brimming with soft, silent tears that I am detached to. I looked like I was attending a funeral and not a wedding.

I watch myself and Beyond for a long time. His eyes are so full of pride and happiness, and mine are filled with so much sorrow.

Beyond smiles and steps forward, filling the gap between us. My eyes widen and I grip the thorned roses tighter, until blood gushes down my arm and drips onto pristine white floors. It doesn't look like I noticed. Our faces are so close, I can feel the breathing of his chest almost against mine, and expect him to kiss me when he leans in.

But instead, his lips travel to my ears and begin to speak. His voice is beautiful and evoking and so, so sorrowful as he says five words that shatter my already fragile heart.

"Please, let go of me."

I jerk my head up and stare at him, face twisted in grief, as he steps back and slowly begins to dissolve. I cry out, but no sound escaped me. So I fall on my knees choking on my own grief, watching as Beyond's image turns into dust that slips through my fingers.

A hand appears on my back. I look up, and see Ryuzaki behind me. He lifts me up, and I fall sobbing into his arms, letting myself embrace the warmth of another human. I feel better until I open my eyes, and over L's shoulder I see Beyond again, just out of my grasp.

When I slipped back into consciousness, Beyond's face lingered in my mind. I opened my eyes saw the ceiling above me, the warmth of my comforter, the the buzz of the heater that finally got fixed. But when I blinked, all I see and know is Beyond.

As I began to fully wake up, I realized that my hand was over my heart, enveloped in a dull ache. I was drenched in a cold sweat.

"Jesus." I sighed, and relaxed my stiffened muscles. Going back to bed is futile now that I'm like this. I sat up and stared blankly at my surroundings, not sure what to do with myself.

My room. Yesterday marks three months that I've been here, and this place still looks identical to my first night, apart from the charging phone and laptop and slept-in bed. The TV remains untouched, and all of my clothes were still in the one suitcase I packed instead of the closet. Even in the bathroom, my toothbrush and other toiletries stayed in a travel bag. I've done the bare minimum to make myself at home.

I contemplated this for a few seconds before knitting my eyebrows together. It didn't take long to realize why I avoided settling in completely. It's an old tendency of mine, from years of always being up and moving. I often slept in places like barns, trucks, and old warehouses for whatever reason, usually because I was running from someone or poverty-stricken. The apartment I owned was set in a mafia friend's name and completely void of everything but the bare essentials for living. I grew up without any real home, since I never viewed Wammy's house as much more than temporary lodgings. I'm a nomad, always shifting places because of my compulsion towards constant motion. I'm like a shark. They die if they go long enough without swimming.
It's pathetic. I'm pathetic. Too flighty and too skittish to give it a rest for once and settle in somewhere.