caraphernelia || l.h

sorry i can't be perfect

Flicking through the newspaper, I came to job section. After spending that time with mum watching the movie I knew all she wanted was for me to get my life back on track. Obviously I had my grades from school but I wasn't interested in a university. A university meant a lot of work and a lot of focus I just didn't have anymore. 

A casual job on the other hand, just to show my mum I'm okay, I could handle things.

My lack of interest in most things right now had me crossing off nearly ever job apart from a shop assisstant in Lush or a cleaner at a some gig place. Using the yellow highlighter, I circled both and went online to their websites.

'Out of mind, out of heart. Where are you now?' I held my phone between my ear and shoulder, concentrating on the screen in front of me.

"How's it going Luke?" Of course it was Michael checking up on me. They all did but Michael called more often than Calum or Ash. Funny how we use to hate each other.

"Just looking for a job at Lush."

"Lush? You're already a pretty boy carrying your hairbrush everywhere with you and now you want to work in Lush? He scoffed at my decision.

"Well a cleaner in a club... gig... thing is not going to be fun, is it?" I was already filling out an application form for Lush when Michael came up with what was probably the stupidest yet best decision.

"Do both! Working at a place like that means free or discounted gigs you complete slothbrain!"

I guess that wouldn't hurt, only a couple more hours on weekends that I didn't spend doing anything anyway. I didn't have her to do anything with anymore.

"Yeah well I'll apply for both. Catch up later."

"Get me free tickets yeah!" I hung up on him and set to work.

♡☠

After the day you basically told me you never left me I didn't go to work again. When I knew I was never good enough for you, it killed me. It was like you tore my heart up right in front of me and then tried to tell me you're sorry. I know you didn't mean to hurt me, I'm just sorry I can't be perfect.

I thought you were perfect the first day I saw you. I walked into Randy's for a new guitar pick; he honestly had the best things in his store. You were sitting behind the counter reading what was probably a chick-flick. I was frozen watching your eyes flick back and forth across the page and the emotions that you always so clearly showed on your face.

I was in a trance and I was so nervous to approach you once I had picked out the pick I wanted. It was grey with the Foo Fighters logo and, when I gave it to you, you scruched up your face. 'Another band geek I guess?' 

Looking back, you sounded like a bitch at that moment. I didn't see it back then, I was too wrapped up in you to even realise you were insulting me. So I laughed, which made you smile.

After that, I found any reason I could to go to Randy's. I just had to see you. It took me a couple of months to work up the courage to ask you out. I wasn't even sixteen yet and here I was, loving a girl I barely knew. I brought you food from the supermarket and took you to a lake in the middle of nowhere. Just wanting to impress you, I didn't realise how awkward that could have been for a first date.

It wasn't awkward. I never felt so comfortable than when I was with you.

I loved you from the very beginning. A year and a half together, a year without you and here I am. Still unable to forget you.

♡☠

a/n i've posted so much of this quickly because i've had such a massive inspiration. uploads after this might be a little slower as there's going to be a lot of planning and editing to make sure everything fits to start the next story after this.

IF YOU'RE READING THAT DAMNED CIGARETTE, MAKE SURE YOU REMEMBER THE LYRICS TO LUKE'S RINGTONE AND MAYBE YOU RECOGNISE WHERE SHE WORKED?

the support i've gotten for both my stories is amazing, love you chicas xo

does anyone know good male protagonist books? i can't seem to find many and i really enjoy them.