Everyone talks about how depression is like drowning and not being able to scream loud enough for help. About how you fight and never reach it o the surface.about how it's always sad and dark. But what they don't always tell you is that you have your good days. Days when it all seems to be going fine. But you know it will only be for so long. You have that shadow still sitting in the back of your brain waiting for it's time to attack. They don't talk about how you sit in your own pitty and filth. How disgusting you feel and how disgusted in yourself you are that you let things get as bad as they have. You have no energy to get up and do things you need to. Your house is a mess and you can't stand it. The filth eats you alive but you have no energy. You are so exhausted just by being alive that you can't get up and be productive. They don't tell you that good things come along in your life. Cause when these good things come a long you sabotage them. "I don't deserve it" so you push it away. Youre so used to thing being chaos that when they are great you don't know how to react except negatively and ruin it all. And the worst part? You know it's your fault and that you just can't seem to stay no matter how you try. You just keep hoping that one day things will get better..
