When the Time Comes

Chapter Two

Rey did her best to block out her personal feelings when it came to Ben. She knew she couldn't get attached to him, one day they would have to face each other and one of them would win the war. It was simple really, a sort of therapy. They would find each other, release the tension, and she would leave him in silence. Rarely were words exchanged, only when necessary.

When she found her mind wandering to him, she would distract herself. She couldn't afford to indulge anything personal. Her Ben, the Ben she thought she had pulled into the light, was dead and gone. Nothing could change that, she told herself so over and over.

He's gone.

She had to keep repeating that over and over in her head. Kylo Ren replaced him, that was all there was to it.

Ben POV

He fought with his feelings. On one hand he wanted to explore what they could have together if they were more than just physical lovers, on the other it could only end in disaster. He had a cause he had been fighting for for too long now, and so did she. They would both do well to remember their places and not let their personal feelings get in the way.

And yet every night that she came to him, it was the greatest feeling he had ever experienced. Bodily urges aside, he knew no one else could stir up the kind of joy he hadn't felt since he was a child.

He wondered if she struggled with her emotions as well.

They could both feel it looming over them. The rebels had gained numbers by the thousands, their great escape from the barren salt planet had aroused a great awakening in the fight against the First Order. The end was near, one of them would emerge in victory. The other one banished, imprisoned, or dead.

One night Ben spoke to her. This was abnormal, she did most of the little bit of talking that occurred. But he felt like they both needed closure. The way things were left when he killed Snoke to save her, he didn't like it. They never discussed it properly.

"We need to talk." He said in his brooding voice. She had gotten up from his bed and was dressing. She froze, her shirt halfway on, still barefoot.

"There's nothing to say." She replied without looking at him.

"I don't believe that." He stood up and approached her from behind. "There's a lot of unsaid things between us."

Now he was directly behind her, her back to his chest, his hands at her waist, pulling her to him. She placed her hands on his arms and leaned her head back, allowing him to comfort her this one time. Like him, she knew things were nearing an end.

"Why couldn't you have just come with me?" Rey asked in a shaken voice.

He sighed and held her just a little tighter.

"You can't save me from myself, I'm too far gone."

"No, you're not." She turned around in his arms to look up at him, which, along with speaking, was another rare occurrence in their relationship.

"You can come with me, you can leave all of this behind."

"You and I both know that wouldn't end well. I've done too much damage."

"Your mother believes in you as well, she wouldn't allow any harm to come to you."

There it was, she had touched a weak spot within him. His mother, other than Rey and his long gone father, was the only person in the galaxy who had any sort of confidence in him. He felt the pull, to leave with Rey and run to his mother's side. Allow her to hold and comfort him like when he was a child.

Rey could see the conflict in his eyes, she could sense it. She knew she had touched a very sensitive nerve.

"My mother is better off without me." He didn't know if that was true.

"I can see when you're mentioned that she'd do anything to have you back." She ran her hands up his chest and rested them. "Please, Ben."

Like pouring salt on a wound. Every time she said his name like that, she pulled at him and he had to fight his urges.

But staying where he was was the best thing. To protect his mother, Rey, and himself, he would stay with the First Order.

"I can't." He released her and stepped back. He could see that it stung. For a moment, she remained, her hands still in the air where they had been on his chest.

"You'll understand someday."

She began to cry. "Please don't do this again. You can come with me, I'll keep you safe."

He was staring at the ground. "I'm not the one who needs to remain safe."

She let out a couple of sobs, covered her hand with her mouth, and turned away. Why was she having such a hard time with this? She had scolded herself over and over to remain emotionally detached, come what may. Meanwhile, he seemed to have no problem crushing this, whatever it was they had together.

She was just getting ready to break the connection she had mastered control of so well. He could feel it, and he stole one last look at her.

At once, and seemingly out of his control, he grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her to him, wrapping an arm around her waist and placing the other hand on her face, getting a tight enough grip on both to hold her tightly to him. He kissed her, one last time. He put everything into it that he couldn't muster up the courage to say out loud. How grateful he was that she continued to have hope for him, how much he cared for her for it, how badly he wanted her to remain safe.

She moved with him, wringing both hands up into his hair and trying to convey her feelings as well. Everything she pushed away and compartmentalized, she let loose like a flood. She couldn't deny, she wasn't ready to leave him. She would probably never be ready. Being separated from him would leave a hole in her that, try as she might, would never really be filled.

They parted and he rested his forehead on hers, both of them breathing deeply. Within moments, she was gone, vanished from his grasp, and he was left holding air.

Suddenly, raged filled him. That was it, he blew his last chance. He felt the wall she had put up before their encounters began, it sprung up like a weed. She was gone, and the next time he would see her she would either be trying to kill him, in restraints at his mercy, or lost to him forever.