Head over Heels 1| j.b

Abortion?

Spending time with Justin was all I wanted to do. Leaving Paris, he asked me to move in with him. I didn't think he was taking things too fast since I was living with him at first so of course, I said yes. Coming out of the doctors' office bawling my eyes out, as Justin sat in the waiting room; hiding his face into his hands probably crying too because he's given up hope. I walked up to him and squatted down removing his hands cleaning his face.

"Why are you crying?" I asked.

"I don't know, why are you crying? Please tell me its good news; you're too young to fucking die Adrian."

"Then I won't. I'm done, with everything. No more treatments, no more medicine, I'm in readmission." I said, he laughs and hugs me tightly. My hair grew back and is now healthy, same as Justin's. Kristie and my dad are finally married which puts a bright smile on my face, knowing how happy they are. Now that I'm healthy and back to the same ole me...I've been trying to get pregnant again for the past three weeks. The doctor says that there's a little chance that I can ever get pregnant again because of the little incident of me falling down the stairs. We were both devastated, hardly talking to each other because how bad we wanted to start a family. I'm sitting in the kitchen reading the newspaper, reading about who got married and so on. I never thought about marriage growing up, I always thought about focusing on my career and then thinking about a lifetime commitment. Justin comes into the kitchen pouring himself a glass of water closing the fridge. He puts his cup down, slowly looking up at me.

"I have an interview to go to..wanna come?" He asks.

"Yeah, sure," I said. He left the kitchen; it's nice to know that we're finally talking to each other. I got myself ready as we both headed to the interview. He was backstage getting prepared to go on air. He grabbed my hand intertwining his fingers with mines holding my hand. He could tell I was still sad about the whole baby thing. I guess he just wanted me to know everything would be okay. I stayed backstage watching the screen as Justin and Ellen talked. The audience started to scream and applaud as they both smiled and hugged at each other taking a seat.

"Hey Justin, it's been a while since we've seen each other. It's been almost five years since your tour. How was it? What was it like on the road?" She asks. He was quiet for a moment until he finally spoke up.

"Um..it was lonely for me on the road. Knowing my girlfriend was two thousand miles away from me, she was in New York to get her degree while I was on the road, but other than that it was really inspiring. It was the best."

"You canceled the rest of your tour right? I mean there were a lot of tweets on twitter saying that you were depressed and you needed some time to yourself."

"Yeah. Adrian. Y'know I wanted to talk to her about it, wanting her to give me some words of wisdom to see if I was doing the right thing or not, but we never spoke. Which, made me even more depressed because I missed her. I wasn't in contact with her or anything I was...waiting on her, waiting on that text message or phone call from her but it never came. After she graduated and moved back to L.A., I found out that she had breast cancer. It was one of the reasons why she didn't contact me. I completely understood why she did that. She didn't want me involved in the situation but...I was in a lot of things while we were talking." He says.

"Yes, Adrian..the girl that you're madly in love with," She says, he laughed.

"Yeah. I'm madly in love with her." He said blushing. Soon as the interview was over I gave Justin a big hug. I know he was still hurt by the fact we couldn't start a family. I rubbed his back kissing his cheek hugging him tightly.

"It's gonna be okay," I whispered in his ear. "Come on, let's go," I added cleaning his face. I grabbed his hand leading him outside to the car. He got in on the passenger side while I drove. His head leaned against the window, and he sits there quietly. I glanced over at him; not a peep came from his mouth, I looked back at the road taking a turn to go to the doctor's office.

"What are we doing here?" He asks lifting up his head.

"I'm gonna talk to the doctor."

"Babe we've tried a hundred of times. There's no hope okay, let's just go home."

"No Justin, we can't just give up. Did I give up when I had cancer? No, I did not so come on." I said getting out. He gets out the car; I wanted to talk to the doctor as soon as possible. As I sat down waiting for the doctor to come, Justin decided to entertain himself with the figures that were on the shelf next to us.

"Please put my uterus down," She says as she sat down in her chair in front of us.

"Sorry doc," He says sitting down beside me as we both laughed.

"So let's get started. Have you had any problems in the past?" She asks.

"No, not at all. Do you think that my breast cancer could've been the problem? Or my miscarriage?"

"Of course not, it would be a problem if you were already pregnant, but the baby wouldn't have it. I know you've had a miscarriage in the past which leads to me telling you that it can be a little difficult. It's normal wanting to become pregnant again after experiencing that. Also what couples doesn't know is they have a problem with waiting. However, you should probably wait a little longer until you're physically and emotionally ready for another baby. Is that what you want? Are you ready?"

"Uh yeah, I'm ready. We're both ready." I said, Justin nods.

"Okay, so what about abortions? Have you had any of those?" She asks.

"No, definitely no," I said. She nods jotting notes down on her clipboard.

"I will be right back," She says getting up with a warm smile leaving.

"So what do you want for dinner? I could cook your favorite spaghetti or maybe a steak I really want that right now." I said happily.

"The abortion Adrian..was it mine?" He asks the smile on my face weakened away. My heart dropped which felt as if it was going to come out of my ass, I was petrified — petrified about what was going through his head.