Head over Heels 1| j.b

Midlife Crisis.

Another month passed, Graduation was weeks away, felt like forever, I couldn't wait to get out of that hell hole and move on with my life. I've been in the studio lately ready to release my new album to keep my mind off of things. I've been having a lot of sex recently different girls every other day in and out. I like sex; I do it just for fun..for pleasure. Why does sex have to feel so good? Still kissing and fucking girls that I don't even love. I want real love, but seeing these different groupies pull me back into that playboy phase. I'm sitting on the couch watching the basketball game drinking a beer; I just got through having sex with this girl name Caroline. She comes downstairs in her sexy lingerie sitting on top of me pulling me into a make-out session. It's funny I give them just enough to keep them coming back.

"I really like you. I want us to go to the next step, do you?"

"I'm still in love with someone; I can't stop thinking about her. I know I told you I wanted something different, and something real but..she's the one I want something real with."

"She doesn't love you Justin."

"I don't care."

"You want to be with her, but she doesn't want to be with you. She only wants your dick. I understand that. But from what you've told me, she doesn't want something real with you. What do you owe this girl? What do you owe her that makes you so attached to her?" She asks. "Look, all I'm saying is you don't owe anybody anything. No matter how much you've done for that person or how much she's done for you. That's what I've learned growing up. You may still be in love with her I get that...I just don't want to feel like a rebound." She says I nod deliberately. The truth is, she is a rebound. She ends up falling asleep on my lap as we finished having round two of sex. I slowly get up placing her head on the couch going upstairs into my bedroom. I noticed that I still haven't read the note that Adrian gave me before she left. I finally picked it up opening it.

Dear Justin,

I know I may be such a coward writing this letter to you. I thought that you were so angry at me you didn't even want to speak to me. So I'm writing this. We both know the connection we have, but it's just not enough for me, I know that I keep asking for more and more of your attention. What can I say I'm damn selfish. I've been up all night crying and asking myself what went wrong? Was it my fault? Or yours? Maybe it was mines. I keep pushing you away, but you just keep coming back. I don't know how I feel; you may love the fact that I'm saying this but...I love you too. There I said it, I fucking love you, and I've never enjoyed a guy in my whole life after spending time with you. I've never been with someone who took care of me the way you did, never been used to a caring guy in my life. I'm sorry I'm leaving like this, the last thing I want to do is leave you confused, but you belong to someone else now. There's so much going on in my life right now, and I don't want to put you through any of that. I'm not perfect; I'm just trying to figure out my life. You have a whole life ahead of you; I'm just this girl you've been fucking for the past few months. Every time I see you, you make me want to reach my climax too, that perfect smile you do whenever you look at me. I can picture it right now. Yes, I am afraid to be with you, but I'm not scared to love you and finally tell you that. I want something more, but I don't see how it'll work. I'm sorry to say this but please don't come to find me. At least I'll be saving you the trip. Goodbye Justin.- Adrian.

My heart started to ache; I should've read this a month ago before I screwed all of those girls just to get rid of my pain and to make myself feel better. I clenched my jaw in anger, biting down on my teeth almost crumbling up the paper. I sighed opening the letter back up tossing it inside the drawer. I grabbed my phone looking through my contacts seeing Adrian's name, wondering if I should call or text her. I couldn't do it; I tossed my phone onto the bed. I heard the doorbell ring; I went downstairs opening the door seeing Adrian.