Smosh Quotes

24

Video: Our Coffee Machine is Racist.

Olivia - "So, I thought yesterday was Monday, and also the day before that, so basically, I've been here for three Mondays."

FLitz - "You should see a doctor about that. See ya!"

Olivia - "Bye!"
"Hey Shayne!"

Shayne - "Hey Olivia...great. It's broken."

Olivia - "FLitz just got coffee..."

Shayne - "Oh, then he's the one who broke it."

Olivia - "Let me try...*stuffs bread into pockets* See?"

Shayne - "What?..."

Courtney - "Excuse me, sir."

Shayne - "Oh, hey Courtney-"

Courtney - "Ssh, I'm saving my personality for camera, I'm about to shoot a vlog."

Shayne - "Wait, is that cup...empty?"

Courtney - "Yes, sir."

Shayne - "It worked for FLitz and Olivia, it won't work for me or Courtney...oh my God...THE COFFEE MACHINE IS RACIST...AGAINST WHITE PEOPLE!"

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Shayne - "Noah!"

Noah - "Woah!"

Shayne - "I need your help!"

Noah - "Uh, yeah...totally, man! Okay, so, we're gonna need twice as much weight than we think, cause when the human body dies, it bloats, and then it floats in water-"

Shayne - "No, no, no, no, no! I think the coffee machine is racist!"

Noah - "Oh..."

Shayne - "...against White people!"

Noah - "It...probably is!"

Shayne - "Well, can you make a cup of coffee to test it out?"

Noah - "No...I don't drink coffee, cause caffeine's a drug."

Shayne - "I don't need you to drink it, I just, you know, I need you to like- go and press the buttons-"

Noah - "CAFFEINE! IS A DRUG!"

Shayne - "Don't you smoke a bunch of weed?...Keith! Can you go get me coffee?"

Keith - "No?"

Shayne - "You don't understand, it's because you're Black!"

Keith - "Excuse me!?"

Shayne - "I can't get coffee, because I'm White. So, I need YOU, a BLACK person, to go get coffee for me!"

Keith - "You know what? It's too early for this shit!"

Shayne - "RACISM IS RUINING MY DAY!"

Ian - "Coffee machine worked just fine for me..."

Shayne - "How?"

Ian - "Well, it was simple, really. All I had to do was make the selection and the machine brewed me a nice hot cup of Colombian gold."

Noah - "You're telling me the coffee machine brews GOLD?"

Ian - "What? No, are you high?"

*Noah continues to play the same key over and over*

Shayne - "Can you make me another cup of coffee?"

Ian - "Yes. I can."

Shayne - "While I watch?"

Ian - "Yes. I preform better with an audience."

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Ian - "Now, if you'll notice, I hit coffee drinks, Colombian, small, regular, go. Oh....oh!"

*coffee pours out of machine*

Courtney, Noah, Olivia, & Keith - "Ah! *applauds*"

Shayne - "Wait, but if the coffee machine racist...against WHITE people....and it got Ian to brew him coffee, then that means...Ian, you're Black!"

Keith - "*chants* Ian is Black, Ian is Black..."

*all of them start to chant, carries Ian away*

*Shayne screams while in various places*

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Shayne - "I'm tired of everyone being racist towards White people! Do you know how hard it is to be a White man in America!?"

Keith - "Yo, you gotta dial it down, Shayne!"

Shayne - "No I don't, Keith! IT'S HARD BEING WHITE! For instance, uh...well...okay! Uh...I can't have spicy food! Even though, Pepcid does help with the heartburn. Oh, how 'bout this? The other day, I was pulled over by a cop, for NO apparent reason, other than my registration was expired, and he helped renew it for me, WHICH WAS VERY NICE OF HIM! Oh, what else? Oh, politics!...no! Uh, my salary? Da- no! Oh, acting jobs! Definitely not, definitely no...I'm straight crushing it. Oh, but the coffee machine, the coffee machine is 100% racist!...AGAINST WHITE PEOPLE!"

Olivia - "Are you sure you're doing it right?"

Shayne - "Of course I'm 'doing it right', Olivia! I'm a WHITE MAN! I press coffee, espresso, small, strong, CANCEL! DUH!"

Olivia - "You're supposed to press 'go' not 'cancel'!"

Shayne - "THEY'RE NOT.....they're not the same?"
"Well...what about Courtney, it wouldn't give her coffee!"

Courtney - "I don't want coffee. I like empty cups. There's a hopefulness to an empty cup, you can put anything in it- *man drops coins into cup* God bless."

Shayne - "Oh....well, then, I-uh...I guess we're good. I'd appreciate it if-uh, we didn't tell anybody else about this..."

Keith - "I already called HR."

Shayne - "I completely understand."
"Coffee, espresso, small, strong.....go."

*coffee finally comes out machine*

*takes one sip, throws in trash can, walks away*

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Well, that was a racial rollercoaster. 

see you later. ✌

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