Slight Change (fem Deku fanfic)

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Deku's pov

That walk I had with Todokun was really great!!! But I'm confused because I like Kacchan to!! My head is hurting why do I have to feel this way.....what if I told them? What would happen?..... Would be like middle school, would they lie to me to?

Flashback

There was a note on my desk "hey...um meet me underneath that cherry tree, I would like to tell you something." - Kacchan's friend. I was quite curious so I went, when I got there, a boy my age was there yeah!! He was one of Kacchan's good friends that I've known since childhood "Umm what do you need?" I asked that's when he came close to me "Hey I wanted to say....I miss you being our friend, and I just really care about you right now. I just wanted to tell you....that I'm sorry!!!" My eyes widened is he for real?? Do they care about me.....? I was really happy I actually felt tears prick my eyes "Um..yes!! I forgive you...can we go back to being friends??" I asked desperately. That's when his hair covered his face as he began to laugh, "Hahah!! You thought I was serious?? Your stupid like really stupid as if anyone would care for you!!! I mean look at you, you worthless shit! Do people a favor and go die!"

Flashback over

I felt my face "huh....what's this?" Something wet was on my face.....am I crying?? My mom opened the door to my room "Hey honey-" she noticed the tears.....and how I was crying. She rushed over to me "Izuku?!! What's wrong are you ok?? What happened....?" She was really worried about me. I smiled to her and wiped my face, "No mom!! I'm fine I just accidentally scrapped my knee!!" I was still wearing my stockings from school, so she wouldn't know I was lying. "O-oh....don't scare me like that!!" I laughed "sorry mom!!" With that she walked out. Heh...how good have I become at lying? Have I become so good that I tricked myself....into thinking I'm not worthless and that people care? Tch how stupid have I become?

I quickly wiped my tears away. This isn't like me to feel so I don't know....hurt? Maybe it would be best to keep track of these emotions. I got out a journal I haven't used yet, what would be a good first entry how about...."today I decided to keep a journal documenting....I guess my emotions? Haha it may sound stupid but I really think I need this,I mean I'm not worth it for people to worry about.....and if they did worry that wouldn't be good!! So um....yeah here I go!! Today I  was thinking about Kacchan and Todokun.....in some sorta way!! I've also been kinda sad recently....and stuff but today was especially worse for the first time in a while I didn't feel like really......like my normal self, I feel like I've lied to myself about.....people caring and that I can make a difference. It made me cry....and now I'm feeling like.....

I don't have the energy......

To continue....."

Author's small note!! Hello my dear readers I'm so sorry for the slow updates but school was bombarding me with work and plus I haven't really been ya know feeling to good about me....and I'm pretty sure that kinda reflects in this chapter!! But I'm fine!!! So yes I just got on break, I'm so happy about that!! So please expect me to update a lot more like normal xD thanks for reading this little note and yeah I'm also sorry this was kinda short but the next one will be longer!! A way see ya in the next chapter!!<3