The Secret Behind the Scars

Part 6

Day 10

What would you do to save your own life? How far would you go to save yourself? Would you give up that addiction, the very thing that’s killing you? Would you take the life of another just to save your own? Or would you sell and degrade your body just to stay alive?

Don’t say you would do any of that stuff to keep your life. I won’t judge you, us as human beings are selfish people and are afraid of death. People are willing to go to the extremes and do things they never thought of doing when their life is threatened. So, how could I judge you when I am just like you?

I don’t want to die. I’m only sixteen, I have so much to still live for. Sure, I was doing nothing with my life before Liam showed up. I was a no one, I had no friends or no one to call my own, the only people who cared about me was my parents and my brother, when he was alive. But that doesn’t mean I wanted to die, I want to live! I wanted to meet new people, make something of myself, find my soul mate.

Well, I guess I accomplished one thing. I did find my soul mate, too bad he’s an arse hole and the reason I’m dying in the first place.

I’m not going down without a fight though. I’m a Horan and us Horans don’t give up easily. We go down kicking and screaming and we drag our opponent down with us if we lose. So, I will do whatever it will take to stay alive, even if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself.

And it feels like I’m doing just that. See, I have a plan. If logic and reason won’t get Liam to change his mind, if manipulation and turning everyone against him doesn’t change his mind, then maybe seduction will.

I don’t want to do this. Sex has always been very special and meaningful to me. And it’s killing me inside doing what I am about to do. I am will to degrade myself, though, if it means I get to live. I just hope this doesn’t damage me too severely inside.

I’ve invited Liam over for the day. It wasn’t that hard to convince him to skip school and come over to my house instead. For someone who refuses to accept me as their soul mate, he sure does seem eager to be around me. Hopefully that will make my plan successful.

Liam is about to be here any minute and I am just trying to calm my nerve. I manage to get my mom to leave the house for the day. I know she knows what I’m about to do, I could tell by the disappointed look she shot me before leaving. It broke my heart seeing her give me that look, but I’m doing this to save my own life, her only living son. I just hope she will learn to understand.

I’m currently dressed in nothing but a pair of black boxers and standing in front of my full length mirror. I don’t feel or look nearly as sexy as I was hoping. I feel, and look, like death. I’ve lost quite a bit of weight because I can’t eat and when I do I throw most of it up. I’m a lot paler than normal, there are giant purple bags under my eyes from lack of sleep, my muscles ache and I just look fragile, and worse of all, my hair is lowly starting to fall out. If you look closely enough, you can see a small bald spot forming at the back of my head. I’m pretty sure I’m the farthest thing from sexy right now, but I need this to work!