The Secret Behind the Scars

Part 11

So, I had this new story idea that I want to do, but I'm not going to write it until I finish one of my other stories. This is the story that is closest to finishing, so I'm going to put all my focus into finishing to this story. There is only about 3-4 chapters after this! Also, go check out my other story idea (I got a description and a prologue up) it's called Psychiatric Evaluation and tell me what you think!

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Day 25

I woke up this morning knowing it was going to be my last. It was just this feeling, like…like I had that feeling that something bad is going to happen. Almost like I just knew that I wouldn’t make it to tomorrow morning.

And I’m actually ok with that. I’m actually more than ok with that. I’ve been ok with it for a while.

I know I had said I would never give up, but in the days since Liam told me his sob story, I took a long hard look at my life. There’s nothing keeping me here. I don’t have any friends, I didn’t have any friends before I met Liam and I still don’t have any. I haven’t heard from my dad since I told him about the whole situation, he hasn’t tried to reach me and I’ve actually called him a few times, but he never answers. My mom left me almost two weeks ago because this all got too hard for her; even before then she wasn’t talking to me. To top it off, my own soul mate won’t accept me.

Can you really blame me for not caring if I live or die?

There are a few things I want to do before die, though. I want to eat some Nandos without throwing it up for once. When I pass I want to be drunk, like piss drunk. I don’t want Liam to be around when it happens. I want to die in one of his sweatshirts. And lastly, I want Liam to make love to me one last time.

I know it seems like I hate Liam, or that I should hate Liam, but I just don’t. I can’t help, but love him. I mean yeah, I’m supposed to love him because he is my soul mate, but I think, even if he weren’t soul mates, I’d still love him.

I don’t love him enough to stay.

I don’t know exactly when today it’s going to happen, so I probably should get started now.

I rolled over in my bed and crawled on top of Liam until I was straddling his waist. He let out a small grunt, but still didn’t wake up. I leaned down and started to nibble on his ear lobe. He let out a low moan, finally waking up.

“Hmm, Niall what are you doing?” Liam asked groggily.

I bit my lip and leaned down toward his ear again. “If you go get me some Nandos I’ll let you have fun with me later.” I whispered hotly into his ear.