Camila

You Are The Only One

Listen to the vid as many times as needed for the feels. ALSO! TRIGGER WARNING!! MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS!!!

Today my girlfriend Camila is leaving for tour, and I won't be able to go with her. She will be gone for 8 months while I'm at home with my mom. My mom has been ill for the past months and Camila has been here for me during it all.

Watching Camila walk onto her plane has to be the worst feeling I've ever felt.

(Two months later)

My mom died two weeks ago, I think. I haven't remembered anything after I left the hospital that day. Time has just been a thing that exsists.

I was so numb and depressed that I went to my apartment and immediately hurt myself and got so high that I couldn't think clearly. That's been a daily thing now.

Camila has been constantly texting and calling me, ever since I told her. But I haven't answered in two days.

I'm currently at my mom's house. She gave it to me in her will so that I can sell it to get something for myself, as long as it means something to me. Like a house for Camila and I or maybe a new car.

But I haven't even cleaned it since she set foot in here.

I've been walking around in here for a while. My high is coming down and I'm beginning to cry. As my tears fell, I sprinted to her bed where her scent still remains. I sobbed while holding onto her pillow.

I miss her, so much. She's always been here for me, from when I was an infant, to when I came out, to even on her death bed. She wouldn't stop telling me to go to sleep during her last days. I smiled at the thought of selflessness.

But I couldn't, I wad warned that she had only a few days left. What if she passed and I wasn't awake? I'd hate myself.

I'm not even 20 years old and my mom has died. My dad and his family left when I came out, while my mom's side isn't any different. Along with that, I'm an only child. I have no friends that I could talk to about something like this.

I sighed knowing that my mom would be dissapointed if I hurt myself, so I walked downstairs to the garage.

That's where we would always smile. Not cigarettes, but weed. Both of us have always had dramatic lives and came out here almost every night to get buzzed and rant.

I felt tears stream down my cheeks again and wiped them quickly. I can't keep crying, I'll kill myself if I let myself feel the sadness of her passing.

I looked into our little stash area and pulled her pipe out and got the last bag. Not much left. I looked at the label, Creeper.

I remember the first time we tried this one. It's called that because one minute, you aren't even buzzed, the next, you're suddenly high as hell. If you aren't careful, you'll get wasted within seconds.

There's only enough to fill a pipe, sadly.

I've always gotten high enough with smoking maybe 2/3 of the pipe. But I might as well smoke it all.

My phone buzzed for the first time in 4 days. I thought Camila gave up on talking to me and wanted to give me space, I guess not. I wonder if she knows that I'm constantly high and that I've been suicidal.

Camila: Hey babe, I just want to say that I love you. See you soon.

Me: I love you too

Wow, I actually responded. That's new.

I wonder what she means by "See you soon." She still has six months of tour.