Sock Reviews (Harsh Critiques for Serious Authors)

Boketto

Biggest Issue: World Development Overload

Personal Score: 5/10 

Dear EuropaAstronaut,

I see a lot of potential for Boketto. Especially in the surrealism concepts and the direction this story can take. At this point, it's a gamble on what could happen next, and I'm rather excited to guess. Unfortunately, that excitement dulled considerably after the first half's introduction. 

Shape up the first chapter, hack it into thirds or fourths, and add world building only a little at a time. Characters and their development should come first. If interact with the world around them at a natural pace, and the reader will fall in step beside them. Expanding on the ideas and potential repercussions of the demon boy being stabbed is interesting. It's a good scene with a lot of potential to explain what the boy is and who the Witch is - a short exposition in between expanding on Adrienne's character. I have no clue what Adrienne is all about. He's obviously for building the wall, and using the stone corpses, but I have no idea what his role is. I can't pin his personality down. Rushing into your story and sharing every bit of lore you can jam into the first chapter will only sap away enthusiasm. Make your setting, and add a few details as you move the story along. Info dumps are just as painful as not knowing anything about a world. 

Important Elements to A Surrealist Story

1. Juxtaposition

Comparing and contrasting strangely comparable ideas are common themes of surrealist stories. Your first scene is more than perfect to showcase juxtapositions. How does the man stabbing the boy feel? Compared to Adrienne? Well, they were both on different planes of thought. And that was how the scene ended. There was no real idea exchanging or challenging thoughts. Sure, it's only a first chapter, but it was a gory, tense one - a chapter that is more than capable of expanding upon the actions it showcases. 

2.Defy Logic/Plotline

Surrealism does not have to have a linear plot. In fact, surrealists often shape their stories in poetic fashions, such as jumping non-chronologically from one event to the next, or describing regular events with abstract thoughts and ideas. For Boketto, its plot does not have to run from the city to the wall. Define that boy's eyes being gouged out with Adrienne's own disturbed (or possibly indifferent?) thoughts. How does he perceive what is happening? Your writing style is very strong and so are your descriptions. However, it feels almost like gears in clockwork. As I read, the strange torture scene was slowly replaced by boring exposition and then a ton of world building. I lost the tension the city felt. I lost my curiosity for the boy and who he was, and lost my interest in whether this man was right or wrong in his actions. 

As a surrealist, mess with your first scene. Make that torture scene bizarre and abstract. Define the logic in your world and make it crooked - ask Adrienne how he feels about everything. Show your readers the inside of his mind. As a surrealist story, its first chapter is dull. You have no rules you need to follow, and it feels like you are playing it safe. 

3. Characters Over Plot

You have too many characters shoved into the first chapter. The introductions for Adrienne and his companions would have been a perfect stopping point for excessive details. We know Adrienne and his job title, and a situation has been laid out before him. This is the time to build yourworld through subtle dialogue and character interaction. 

I suppose I'm just repeating what I've already said, but let's just recap so I know I laid out everything I wanted to say. Surrealism focuses on characters and ideas. You have an incredibly compelling idea here, and I enjoy reading about the world - but the world is not the point of the novel. Your ideas are. The world is your setting, not a tool to move from one point to the next (which feels heavy in your chapter). My best advice - focus on Adrienne's POV, and emphasize the ideas and thoughts he has while watching someone loose their eyes. Lengthen that scene, and save your overload of other characters for later. We're introduced to too many in too little time.