Sock Reviews (Harsh Critiques for Serious Authors)

Arcaworld

Biggest Issue: Out of Place Words and Exposition Dumps

Personal Score: 6/10

Dear BrianDike0,

Arcaworld has so much potential, I want to die. But I think it's because I am a huge high-fantasy and sci-fi fan, and you have crafted a world that could have been hard to put down. I enjoyed the second half much better than the first, and many of your issues lie there. The first half is your weakest part, so I figured I would focus completely on that and help you get it on the level of the rest of your chapter. But really, I don't have too much to say. 

The writing style is very bland. While I notice several artsy words scattered throughout, it doesn't fit right. Your writing reads in a simple way, and the most interesting parts to read about are the the passages where the narrator seems to just be talking - to talk. He has a kind of personality woven into his narration, but I can't help but notice how heavily weighted your more "sophisticated" words are. It feels like you replaced some words with substitutes you found off an online thesaurus. Trust me, I've been there. But if you aren't, and it just feels that way, I'm going to ask you to read back through your first chapter and replace every overdone word with a simpler one. Sometimes, simplicity is way more effective than anything else.

Or, if it is in your MC's character to use words like that, it may be humorous to have him carry around a thesaurus that he enjoys learning from. Just a thought, but those words kept pulling me out of the story, it was near jarring. Below, is an example of what I mean.

"Yet, I can't tell because of this malleable, covert landscape..."

You have no need to use covert here. Malleable was perfect, and it encapsulates the changing environment you're trying to show.

Another issue that rubbed me raw, was your overuse of explanation. Explaining the assassination attempt, and adding that "Father" was the one to send him (as well as speaking about the target and how killing him would change the world) felt exceedingly rushed. There was too much information at once, while I was still trying to get a good image of the setting and the character's voice. Him just explaining things while he walks through the desert, is boring. Make him pull out an informant sheet on his target. Have him reread a map he may have as he tries to figure out where to go. Force him to think about the guilt he may have killing someone, or the lack of.

Your description and introduction are nothing special, and it reads as commonly as most other first drafts. Hook your readers onto your character. Make them care about who he is and what he is doing, before you begin to shove exposition down out throats. It's overwhelming and it feels like a chore to read through.

Take your time. A reader who finds true enjoyment out of your world will be more than happy to wait for extra details. Ease them in first, and then you can go wild.