Confession
"Uy kuya nandiyan kana pala!" Nakita kung dumating na si Lander galing sa labas. He looked at me with his hazel nut eyes. He stared me blankly at naglakad siya patungong misa. Naghahanda sila ng misa para kumain pero ako nakaupo lang dito. I've been thinking of what happened lastnight and a while ago.
"Ate! Kain na tayo." Ano ba talaga pinaghuhugutan ng galit mo Lander?
"Ate?" Nabigla ako ng biglaan pagsulpot ni Habi sa harap ko. Kaya napatingin ako kanya.
"Kanina pa po kita tinatawag ate! Halika na at mag aagahan na tayo!" Tumayo ako para pumuntang misa. Dahil sa pag-iisip ng malalim di ko namalayan na tinatawag na pala ako.
Tahimik lang kaming lahat habang kumakain. Tagingting lang ng mga plato st kutsara ang iyong maririnig. Wala may gustong magsalita. Matagal narin kaming nagkakasabay kumain. Ngayon lang ulit nangyari pero sa ganitong sitwasyon naman.
"Sa susunod, huwag kang makipag-usap sa kahit kanino na di mo kilala. Baka may mangyaring masama sayo." Biglang nagsalita si Lander. Alam kung nag-aalala siya pero di naman siguro tama na baliwalain ang mga tao sa paligid ko at saka si Nanay Cory ay kapit-bahay niya naman.
"Kapit bahay mo raw siya eh, Cory ang pangalan niya. Kilala naman niya kayo kaya nakipag-usap lang sakin sandali." Hindi naman masyadong matagal ang pag-uusap na 'yun pero sapat na para may malaman akong konting impormasyon sayo.
"Pero kahit na. Paano kung . . .!" Paano kung?
"Paano kung, Ano?"
"Hayaan muna! Basta sa susunod huwag kang makipag-usap sa ibang tao lalo pa't hindi mo kilala."
"Bakit ba?" Tanong ko Napatigil na ako sa pagkain ko. His reason is absurd. Ayoko ng ganitong pinagbabawalan ako ng 'di ko man alam ang dahilan.
Tumigil siya sa pagsubo ng pagkain para sagutin ang tanong ko. He started to be upset. Pero kahit na ganun, gusto ko paring malaman kung bakit ganun nalang siya makapagbawal sakin.
"There is a possibility that people will hurt you and I'm not there to protect you. I am afraid that you will be in danger just because I can't protect you. You don't know people very well Terah. They might showed a perfect mask of an angel but when the mask was take off, it's a devil. Di mo kilala mga tao!" Pasigaw niyang sabi pero di naman masyadong malakas parang konti lang para ipakita sa kausap niya na galit na siya. Hindi rin naman kita kilala but I trusted you. Gusto ko sanang sabihin pero napili kung huwag nalang. I know he is mad, I swear. Dapat ba di na ako nagtanong?
"Kuya stop it! You scared her. Magaling na siya kuya. Hindi naman natin siya pwedeng ikulong dito habang buhay, kailangan niya din makakita ng tao." Hani meddled in our conversation. Tama siya di naman habang buhay ay andito lang ako sa kubo. Kailangan ko ring tumulong sa kanila. Kailangan ko ring makakita ng ibang tao maliban sa kanila.
"I'm done." Ang bilis niyang matapos sa pagkain. Nawalan siguro siya ng gana. Hay! Bigla nalng siyang lumabas ng bahay. Tatayo na sana ako para sundan siya.
"Ate? Saan ka pupunta?" Takang tanong sakin ni Hani.
"Susundan ko si Lander." Tumango siya. It seems she understand what I am thinking.
Lumabas ako ng bahay at sinusundan si Lander. Naglakad lang siya ng naglakad patungong dagat. Biglang siyang tumigil sa may buhangin. He put his hands on his pocket, nilapitan ko siya at tumabi sa kanya. Di muna ako nagsalita at naghintay sandali bago magtanong.
"Lander?" I asked softly.
"I know what you wanted to ask." Bigla siyang humarap sakin saka tinititigan ang aking mukha. He touches the small scar on my face. His rough hands felt so relaxing to me.
"Terah! I want to say sorry for last night. Di ko sinasadyang sigawan ka." He explained. I'm not even mad. I'm just hurt for being shouted. It hurts that it came from you.
"At kanina. Ayoko ko lang na mapahamak ka. Ayoko na mawala ka . . . sa akin!" He grabbed me and hugged me tight. Did I hear something wrong? Is he afraid to lose me? Gosh! My lips started to paint a smile. My heart is beating so fast. I can't believe it na ayaw niyang mawala ako sa kanya. It makes me happy. Lander is afraid to lose me. I am happy, to hear that from him. Gumanti ako ng yakap. Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit.
"I wanted to pushed you away but I can't stop myself running into you. I wanted to hurt you but when I see you hurting it hurts tripled." He continued speaking. I cannot utter any words. His words made happy. I thought he was angry at me but now I realized its not, he just wanted to pushed me away but why?
"In almost 3 years that we've been together. I didn't realized that I'm starting to grow a feelings for you. I just realized now! Just now that I'd hurt you. I also realized that I care for you and it hurts seeing you hurting." I'm speechless. I can't believe I am hearing those things from him. It was just like a freaking dream.
"Last Night when I see you crying, it makes me mad at myself. Why did I do that to you? Do you deserve to be shouted? I ask myself. I got a sleepless night last night because of what happened. And then I realized, I have feelings for you. I like you Terah! And from now on I will hold you in my arms like this." Finally, he confessed his feelings for me. I like you too Lander but for punishing you for what you did to me last night, I won't tell you now. I smiled, so he seems to like me. I am happy.
"Lander! Now, I can't figure out my feelings for you. I don't know what to answer to your confession!" Pagsisinungaling ko. Nagpipigil lang ako ng ngiti. Gusto ko sanang umamin na pareho kami ng nararamdaman kaya lang kailangan niyang maparusahan dahil sa ginawa niya kagabi sakin. Buti nga sayo! Humiwalay siya sa pagkakayakap sakin. At tiningnan ako sa mga mata.
"I don't want you to rushed things. Di ko naman kailangan ng sagot mula sayo ngayon, I just want to say it because it was like a burden in the heart but now I will do everything for you to like me back." Bakit ang saya ko. Lahat yata ng sakit na naramdaman ko kanina ay biglaang nawala at napalitan ng saya. Lander you made me like this in a bit of seconds.
Habang naglalakad kami pauwi he held my hands. He hold it tightly. I looked at it. I am happy to see us like this. He is holding on to me and I'm holding on to him. I hope this will last longer. Longer that it might not end. Longer that infinity they are sayimg will be shameful.
Bigla siyang tumigil sa paglalakad at humarap sakin.
"I like you Terah, a lot!" And he planted a small kiss on my forehead and I like it. He didn't rushed things. I smiled at the thought that he is such a sweet guy. He shows everyone that he is cold and ruthless but deep in side he had these sweet side and a good side. I like the way he is. I like this man a lot too.
I like you too, so much Lander!!
