I woke up in the middle of a wide room I looked around to see where I am. I can feel the softness where I laid, Its a very big size bed with a grey color and grey stripe white blanket covering my half body. Mag-isa lang ako sa malaking kama na ito. I roamed my eyes around the room. The white ceiling I have seen. The while white curtain flown away by the wind in the veranda. I remember I am with Ari lastnight. And.... I remember... clearly remember how I heard Lander's lies and play with me all this time.
How he fooled me and throw me that instant like a trash. I can feel the tears coming from my eyes. As clearly remembers all of his painful words last night. I can do anything for him and leave my all for him but he also did that to her true love and that was not me. I am just being the toy that was played by them. For them, I am just a piece of thing that can easily be thrown away. I am ready to give my throne and be with him but... Its not going to happen. I am a trash right now,thrown by those people. How dare them? "How dare them?" my eyes is raging in anger. How could those people hurt me.
I sob a little of my frustration and pain from my bleeding heart. Ang sakit sa pakiramdam, parang gustong kung magwala. Gusto kung umiyak nang umiyak hanggang sa mawala ang sakit.
While crying I heard the opening of the door. I didn't bother to see who it was and I don't care who it is. Nakatalikod ako sa pintuan at nakayakap sa malaking unan. I heard the footstep walking to unto .. me?
"Mistress! Breakfast is ready!" the person said. It was Ari. I heard her footsteeps towards me. "Leave it there Ari." My voice broke while murmuring those words. I am so much in pain. I can't even say more, I am tired in everything. I am ery tired.
Alam kung hindi pa siya umaalis at marahang tinitingnan parin ako. "Are you okay?" Seryosong tanong niya. I know she was worried but can't help this. I am really not okay.
Hindi ako sumagot just because I am still sobering. My tears are not stopping from falling. And the fresh memories from last night was haunting me so bad. It hurts like a shit.
"Ari, Please leave. I want to be alone." Pagalit kung sabi dahil hindi pa rin umaalis sa kinakakatayuan niya.
After a while I heard her footsteps away and a the closing of the door. "W-why Lander?" I ask my self foolingly. I am hoping that this is not all true. This is not the reality. It was just a bad dream, right? A bad dream only. Pagpapakalma ko sa aking sarili. I know I am just fool for believing,it wasn't true. I am just fool.
I closed my eyes shakingly while crying again. Hindi ko parin matigil ang aking pag-iyak. Masyado akong nasasaktan at ang sakit na nito. Ang sakit nang puso ko. "H-how?" I asked myself again. I questioned myself why? Bakit ako sa lahat nang tao. Sinamantala nila ang pagkakawala nang ala-ala ko, bakit? Sana pinatay niyo nalang ako para hindi ko maramdaman ang sakit "why did you let me live?" I am like this all day. No eating just crying. Laying the bed all day and sobing. Hindi maubos-ubos ang mga luha ko kaya ang sakit nang mga mata ko.
Its been a month since I am laying this bed. Looking at the terrace view of mountains. I am looking of nothing. Watching nobody from the air. Looking at the beautiful sky. Its been a month since I left him. Its been a month that I am longing for him. I know that he hurt me but I've missed him so much. I missed him so much to the point of thinking about going back to his arms. Now I am starting to grow a tears again, all this time. I am like this. I talk to no one even Ari, can't talk to me properly. She let me stayed at this room and I don't bother to ask her where is this I am busy thinking what was really happened. I am regretting of leaving him. Nasaan kaya siya ngayon? Is he doing well? Is he eating well? Is he missing me too? I doubt. Maybe he comeback to Annabelle's arms again. Para na namang pinipiraso ang puso ko sa mga palaisipang iyon. He may do that. He love her that much but what I am doing here? Crying, longing and hurting because of them. I can't go on for now. I am still stuck in the pain. I am so stab deeply and its not yet healing.
I heard the opening of the door. I know it was Ari again sending foods. I am not going to eat that, it will be wasted. Why would she bother to bring me foods when I am not going to eat those. I heard her footstep nearly and then stop.
"Mistress! Please eat your food. You are getting skinny. How will you face them with with that look? Your messy and pityful. They will just laughed at you Mistress." She's mad.
I know it. I am just listening to her. I told her everything what really happened when I lost my memories. I let her know everything para mabawasan man lang ang aking hinanakit at sakit sa puso ngunit hindi man lang nabawasan kahit katiting na sakit patuloy parin itong nagsusugat at hindi na naghihilom.
She sat on the bed beside me but I am just looking outside. I am looking into the space reminiscing the fresh past.
"Mistress, I don't want to show this but I hope it will cure you and clear your entire thoughts." She is talking to me but I am just listening to the whisper of air. I don't clearly hear her. She gave me a pictures pero hindi ko tinitingnan.
"Look how happy they are but you are miserable. Closing yourself like a book but they are just wandering around being so happy." I slowly bring my body up to sit on the bed. If you can figure my true appearance, I am like a crazy woman in the moment. A month with no sunlight, no eating just water. I look like a skeleton, a living skeleton. Malaki ang eyebags at walang buhay ang mga mata. Ang mahaba kung buhok ay naging parang walis na.
She handed me the pictures, I look those pictures with lifeless eyes. When I look at the pictures it was Lander and Anna happily having dinner at a fancy resto. So they are so happy by now? Without me in their life. No Laterah who they 'd played you.
I let my tears fall, Ganoon na sila kasaya habang ako nagdurusa. Lalong akong naghinagpis sa aking nakita. Kinuha ko ang litrato at pinunit ito isa-isa. "They are happy as you saw mistress!" Pangungumbinsi niya sa akin. My face turn into a raging lion. "Ganun ba sila kasaya habang ako miserable?" I shuddered. The fire starting to burst into. Anong karapatan nilang magsaya habang ako naghihirap? Anong karapatan nila. How. dare. them?
