I'm not strong enough to stay away, can't run from you
I sobbed on the floor, my body aching from the newly caused wounds. They hurt so much, I wonder how I kept awake. "Little wuss" He spat and kicked me in my gut again. I whimpered, curling into a ball to try to ignore the pain or force it out. Shutting my eyes close, I tremble from both, the pain and the cold.
I'm laying on the floor, naked and hurt. My husband stood next to me, watching me sob in pain.
I just run back to you
I gripped the cup of tea, looking down at the table. Russ stared at me worriedly. "He beat you up again?" I nodded biting my lip. He shook his head and finished drinking his coffee. "You should seriously leave him." He said as he put the cup down. I glanced back at him frowning.
"You know I can't, I love him."
"You're hurting yourself over your so called 'love'!" He hisse. I knit my brows together in hurt "That's not love, Cry. There's no way in hell that's love."
"It is!"
Russ frowned, grabbed my arm and pulled my sleeve up. I yelped and tried backing away from him in fear. The people in the coffee shop quickly looked back and stood to see if Russ would attempt something on me. "This is not love!" He screamed and raised my arm with my sleeve rolled up.
I quickly looked away, not wanting to see the marks in my arm.
"You have to leave him!"
"I can't.." I muttered. Russ sighed annoyed and roughly letted go of my wrist. I rubbed it and pulled the sleeve down "I hate it when you say that word.." He said coldly and left the coffee shop. Two people rushed towards me and asked if I was doing fine, if he had hurt me and what caused my wounds.
I shrugged them with a smile saying I was clumsy. Of course they didn't believe me but decided not to ask, for Russ had made the mistake to yell to the top of his lungs: 'This is not love'.
You bring my heart to it's knees
I smiled and hugged him tightly. "It's ok, I forgive you." I said happily. He breathed in relief and hugged me tightly. I could feel the years he had she'd while apologising fall on my shirt.
"I'm really sorry I hurt you, Cry.. I can't control it.. I'm so sorry"
"Don't worry about it Pewds" I giggled and kissed the tip of his nose. He smiled gently and pecked my lips. I kissed him back and slowly put the bouquet of flowers he had brought me down on the dinner table. His hands found their way to my hips and held me closer. I wrapped my arms behind his neck and played with his hair.
"I love you, Ry"
"I love you too, Fe"
It's killing me when you're away
"No please! Don't go!" I cried. He shook his head and gripped his bag. "Don't go!"
"I'm hurting you, Cry! I'm sorry but I need to go.. Or else, I don't know what I'll do next to you."
"It doesn't matter. If you hurt me, then that's that! I can deal with the pain! But please, don't leave me.." I sobbed. Felix looked away biting his lip. He turned and left.
I cried on our room, not wanting to accept his way of thinking. The next day when I woke up, I begun believing it was better this way, but I never dared to take my ring off.
I wanna leave and I wanna stay
I twisted the knob and stopped when I saw a pair of dirty shoes sprawled on the hallway, followed by clothes that were much bigger than me. My heart sunk and ached when I recognised who it was from.
"Hello?" I asked.
Closing the door behind me, I walk in picking the clothes. I heard no answer so I went to the laundry room and put Felix's belongings in a basket to wash them later. Something fell on the kitchen, causing me to flinch.
Turning, I carefully walk towards the kitchen and peek inside. I saw Felix roaming in the fridge, and from the distance I could tell he was drunk. He wrecked of alcohol.
"Felix" He yelped and turned. His clumsy eyes sparkled and a weak, yet happy smile crossed his lips.
"Cry!" He ran to me and hugged me. I thought I wouldn't hug him back, but it did. I thought I wouldn't cry, but I did. "I missed you so much!" He said, hugging me even tighter. I trembled in his hold, ignoring the awful smell that emanated from his body.
"You're back.." I sobbed. He pulled and smiled "You're finally back.."
"And I'll never leave again! It's been the worst years of my life!"
I nodded and buried my face in his chest.
Even if I try to win the fight, my heart will overrule my mind.
"Cry.l are you serious?" Russ sighed in annoyance. I frowned and smacked his arm playfully. "Shouldn't you be happy for me? My love is finally back!"
"That's not love" He said again. I rolled my eyes. "You were better without him."
"I wasn't!" I lied. I knew I was doing better when Felix wasn't around. I wasn't afraid of accepting promotions in my job, and I wasn't afraid to go out with my friends anymore. I had made a lot of friends and the marks Felix left had long faded in all those two years he left.
Even tho I knew this, my heart wouldn't let me think like that. It'd always say I'd feel more joy telling Felix, having hopes of him being happy for me.
What can I do? I would die without you
"Fe! I'm home!"
"Welcome home!" Felix chirped and ran to me. His hair was messy and his clothes wrinkled, probably because he was sleeping. I giggled and hugged him tightly. He kissed my forehead and rubbed my back.
"Oh it's so good to have you here with me." I breathed happily. He chuckled and kissed my cheek.
"It's good to be back."
There's nothing I can do, my heart is chained to you
"Felix, stop" I whispered, trying to slowly take the broken broom from his grasp. He glanced at me with tired, clouded blue eyes. "Stop what?" He asked and looked back at the broom. "I'm doing nothing."
"Then give me that broom.."
He frowned and glared back at me.
"Why?"
"Because it's broken and I want to throw it away.." I said and stepped closer, shivers running down my spine. His frown went deeper and a scowl made it's presence in his face.
"You throw away what's broken?" I opened my mouth to answer but he continued talking "You'll throw me away too because I'm broken?"
"That's not-"
"I won't let you throw me away.." He said coldly and caressed the broom "Never ever."
"Fe-" Before I could say anything, he slapped me angrily. I flinched and fell to the ground, hitting the back of my head in the process. Felix smirked and played with the broom. "Let's play a game, Cry."
My eyes filled with tears, my lower lip trembling in fear.
"I-I don't w-want to.."
"Wrong answer." He hissed and hit me with the broom. I screamed in pain, but they came muffled as he covered my mouth annoyed. "Shut the fuck up you wuss!" He hissed and slammed my back against the wall. I whimpered and curled into a ball.
Maybe I should have left him?
No, I love him.
And he loves me.
In his own way.
I'm not strong enough to stay away.
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