Cold Side➰ Boyxboy

7

"And? Do you like Christmas now?" Magnus asked while sipping on his hot chocolate.

First they went ice skating, Lucian found that funny but just because he could watch other people fall on there ass, then they went to that christmas market again, Lucian felt kinda awkward there because memories came floating back. They also went to the mall, to see Santa. Yes, two seventeen year old teenagers actually did that. Magnus went to sit on his lap and started rambling about how he was a good boy and he deserved everything he wants, 5 minutes later they got kicked out.

Now they are sitting in a small Caffè, Magnus drinking some hot chocolate and Lucian just sticking to a plain coffee.

"I still despise Christmas and it will not change"

"Oh come on, it was fun wasn't it?"

Lucian must admit, the day was fun. He probably hasn't had that much fun in years, but still, he would never feel the same about Christmas.

He didn't give Magnus an answer, just took a sip of his coffee and leaned back. He looked around the caffé, observing the different people around here.

"Lucian?"

He was ripped out of his thoughts as Magnus talked to him.

"What?"

"I said, I wanted to ask you something"

Oh boy.

"What is it?"

Magnus hesitated.

"Just spit it out Magnus"

"I wondered why you hate Christmas so much?"

He wanted to ask him something different, but it would be inappropriate right now. He would ask Lucian when he trusts him more.

"It's just not a big thing in my life. We never celebrated it much, me and my Dad never saw the purpose in it"

"So you celebrated it as your mother and your sister were still with you?"

As soon as the words left Magnus' mouth, he knew he should have just kept his mouth shut. Lucian didn't say anything at first, just looked Magnus straight in the eye and smiled as he did so.

That was the first time Magnus could see something real in Lucian's eyes. Hurt, anger, sadness, betrayal. And the smile. It was fake. And never has Magnus seen someone smile at him like that. Lucian's whole face, told him so much more than he needs to know.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that"

"No, it's okay. You're right. We celebrated Christmas, every year, as my mother and my sisted were still with us. But, things change when the people most important to you are just ripped away and are now not longer part of your life. But how should you understand that, you live in your perfect little bubble where it's all about love and family. You wanna know why I'm so cold towards others? Because if they would be important to me, they would just get ripped away from me again and do you think I could take that again? You are making it so hard for me, Magnus. You are the reason why it gets harder for me not to get hurt"

Magnus didn't say something for a while. He was thinking about every little word Lucian said right now.

"I try to be strong. I keep trying to push you away from me but you're always coming back. I feel like it's your purpose to make my life harder as it is right now. Why are you doing that? Why do you want my life harder as it is?"

"I don't want that, Lucian"

"Than stop running after me. Stop trying to build something up that's never gonna be!"

"I can't stop that. I told you already Lucian, I want to be with you. And if you would stop pushing me away it would be so much easier for both of us, don't you think so?"

"No, I don't think so. Did you listen to what I just said? I can't get attached to you, or anyone for that matter"

Lucian stood up, grabbed his phone from the table and left the caffé. Magnus banged his head against the table.

As he looked up again he noticed people starring at him.

"Hehe, relationships are fuun, right?"
-
Lucian inhaled the smoke of the cigarette in his hand. He felt it burn down his throat before he puffed it out again.

He was sitting on a bench in his favorite park, again. He always comes here when he wants to be alone.

"You should really stop this smoking thing. You could did from that" he heard Magnus say. Of course he would find him here, what did he think?

"That's my intention"

Magnus laughed sarcastically. "Of course"

He sat down beside him and ths first few minutes they just sat there in silence.

"Listen, I understand that you're are scared to let someone near you, I would be to after all that shit, but you can't keep living like that. You can't be alone all your life, that will destroy you"

"It will destroy me if I lose someone again"

"That may be true, but you could start slowly. A good start would be that you  stop beating everyone up that looks at you. Not everyone wants to hurt you, Lucian"

Lucian looked at him. "How can you know?"

"I just know. Not everyone is interested in hurting you. And not me anyway"

Lucian sighed and stood up.

"Please let me think Magnus. Just let me be for a few days"

Magnus just watched Lucian walk away.