Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (Percico)

Chapter Seven

Leo

We thought it was cute.

We didn't think it'd last longer than about a week. But here we were. A week later. And they're still a really fucking cute couple that I highly doubt actually fucks.

It's nice to see, though. For both of them. I don't know what Nico's situation is. None of us really do, aside Percy, probably. But he's not gloomy anymore and he actually kind of gives a shit about stuff now. He's happy.

Same goes for Percy. He still has his anxiety, a relationship can't cure that. But he's not so self destructive anymore. He thinks for himself while thinking for others. Annabeth just never let him do that. He looks healthier, too. Happier.

"It's a lot calmer around here," I was just thinking out loud. Percy and I were the only ones at the table. "Now that Annabeth's gone."

"Yeah," Percy agreed, slowly nodding his head. "It's kind of weird. The chaos is gone."

"It is," I said, looking around a little. It wasn't as interesting or annoying as it used to be. "especially with both of the Stoll brothers gone. Clarisse and Annabeth. Not that Clarisse was bad. She just liked excitement."

"There was never a full moment with that girl," he added on that, probably thinking back to them. "It makes me kind of sad. To think about everyone you guys never got to meet. You would've liked this place a lot more before everyone died. I can't wait to get out of here."

"Really? Why?"

Percy nodded his head, playing with his necklace for a minute. I suppose, he had 5 beads. He'll have six this summer.

And he just kind of thought about it for a minute.

"It just... I mean, it's not fun for me anymore," he assumed I wouldn't get what he meant. "I've been here for how many years, just kind of doing the same stuff over and over again. Most of my friends are dead, a few are in jail. A break would just be really nice. Move on a little. Sure, I'd still like to see you guys and I'd visit. I'd call. But it's just... It got really old really quick."

"Oh, yeah," but I did get it. "That's how I felt with my Foster families. Why I kept leaving them. And I'm starting to feel that here, too. I just don't know where I'd go if I left. Maybe I'd try to go back home. See how my aunt's doing. I haven't seen her since my mom died. I miss them sometimes. My aunt and her husband and kids."

One by one, our friends filed in and we all started talking about it. The whole 'what if' situations that just never happened.

"What if?" Percy said and just sighed. "oh my gods, where do I start? Had Luke just... Stayed home. Had he stayed here or kept his mouth shut... I can't even imagine where I'd be now."

"Well if you think about it," Grover responded. "I mean, you would've maybe never been claimed. That quest would've never happened. We wouldn't be looking for other powerful demigod, so we wouldn't find you, Nico. If we did, it would've been a lot later. Not to mention... Everyone else..."

"That would..." Nico added on, being the only other one that really knew what this was about. Luke. "Bianca would be alive. But if I never came here... Shit, guys. You're making me feel like a shitty brother."

I had never heard about a Bianca before. None of us had. Aside those three. Which kind of showed that, despite the rockiness of their relationships in the past, Camp isn't what it is anymore.

They guys are bonded for life. Through whatever happened, they're forever connected.

"Bianca?" It was her brother, so Hazel stepped up and asked about it.

"You guys would've loved her." Percy insisted. "I mean, you'd see her about as much as Thanks. But you guys would've loved her."

It was completely coincidential that Chiron asked Nico for a favor quick, I promise.

"Well I'm sure," Piper remarked, trying to figure this out. "But like, wh... Who was she? How did you guys know her?"

The air turned a bit heavy for a minute.

"She um..." After this, I really don't know if I could ever trade places with Percy and manage just getting through a day. To him, my life must be paradise. "She was a demigod that we recruited with Nico. Bianca was actually Nico older sister. After... Well, after their mom died, Hades kind of left them and Bianca took over. Bianca was about my age. She joined the Hunt, and there was a quest and she just didn't make it back. It crushed Nico. He left camp, like 12 years old, had absolutely nothing, and we found him six months later."

Percy took a breath and looked at Hazel.

"You've helped him so much, Hazel," it was something I'd never thought about. Why Nico never went home over the last year, why he doesn't talk about it. "Like, seriously, I'm not sure he would've had the motivation to even want to get through Tartarus had you never shown up."

We all were on the verge of tears. Because after that, we just started to open up.

Piper told us about being the child of a famous actor. Why she loves it here. Because her dad doesn't pay attention to her anymore. And she doesn't have a mom to be with unless she's here.

Frank wants to believe his mom is still alive. In the middle East. But every day that just gets harder to believe.

There was a pause.

"I..." Jason's been kind of a slippery slope lately. We've been wary. But he's been more tolerable the last few days. "I never got the chance to meet my mom. And like, I don't think she's dead. Thalia's a run away, not an orphan. But I just... Would've liked to have known her. It'd be nice. But I don't have the nerve to ask Thalia about her because I just know she'll lose it. She'll freak."

And of all things that could make Percy Jackson literally have to leave and walk away from this conversation, that was it.

Jason talking about his mom.

Percy

I couldn't listen to Jason talk about his mom, knowing what I knew about Beryl.

I'm assuming the reason that Leo followed me and not Grover was because Grover got stuck with either not being able to leave from the same thing I left for, or he got stuck with breaking the news to Jason.

It just felt like I've dug myself this hole, hoping to get out of the hell I was going through at home. And I sure as hell got out.

But it's like going from Asphodel to The Fields of Punishment.

They both just fucking suck. And either way, you just end up the same way. Numb.

Gods I am fucked up.

"Percy?" Leo sounded cautious coming into my room. I was sitting my desk. Crying. Rotting away, like I should be. "Hey, are you okay?"

Long story short, I gave up.

There was this hole inside of me that's been there for years. Like my soul was ripped out of my body.

Little did I know that it was a black hole, and it was time to let it take over. There was no point in fighting it anymore.

"Yeah, Leo," I responded sarcastically, just wanting to be left alone. "I ran off crying because I'm okay. Just— go back to the others. I'll be fine."

It just fucking hurt.

But at the same time, it didn't. Because it didn't feel like anything. It was the feeling of going numb. Of relief.

Of it being over.

But like you've it to end.

And I don't know why the others even bothered. They have their own problems. Their own family. Or maybe they don't, and that's their problem.

Let them deal with their problems. My problems aren't their business. It's not theirs to worry about.

I'm suicidal, and that's my own fault.