It Was You

Chapter 4

Ever since inviting him out for shakes and our movie night, Ben has become a regular to our small group. He had other friends that he hung out with sometimes, but it was us the majority of the time. The more he spoke about himself, the more I started to really like him. I was skeptical at first because he wouldn't stop staring at me, but he's proven to be a very good friend.

Talking to him was like talking with an old friend. Even though we've only known each other a few weeks, I felt like I've known him my whole life. He eventually got past his nervous stages and I found out he was actually really funny and talented and sweet. Eventually, I, too, got past my nervous stages and I'm not a bumbling idiot around him anymore.

Sometimes.

Sometimes he says things to me that just makes my mind go to mush. The first day we met, he called me 'really pretty' and he throws that into conversations every now and then. For example, Lee was wondering why I wear boy shirts all the time, to which Ben responded, "She has her own style, she's not like other girls. I think that makes her even more beautiful."

That moment made my brain melt. Lee and Aaron seemed as shocked as I did, but Ben's smile never faltered.

"He totally likes you!" Lee kept telling me this all morning and I was getting tired of it. Maybe it was because I didn't want him to like me or maybe it was because I did, but I knew he would never stay once he finds out I'm just a walking time bomb. Even I had to admit, I had a crush on him. The more I got to know him, the more I wanted to know him in that personal, relationship level.

I had never felt like this before, not even with Rory Donovan in second grade. I didn't know what it was like to be a girlfriend or have a boyfriend. I didn't know what love was, I didn't know if I would ever love him. I basically didn't know anything about relationships.

"Stop, he does not," I told her. "He's a new friend, we're getting to know each other a little more. I know everything about you, so what's the difference with this guy?" I went up to my locker as she leaned up against the one next to mine and said, "It's different because we don't like each other that way. His eyes are glued to you the entire time in home room, he never misses the chance to tell you how pretty you are. Face it, Benedict has a crush on you."

Shit. I knew she was right. Goddammit, this is not what I need right now. I don't need a boyfriend or a crush, I need to focus on school and home life! Besides, why would Ben be with someone like me?

Just as we were walking up to home room, I heard that deep, British voice behind me say, "Hello, ladies!" I turned around and saw Ben giving us his ever charming smile. "Hello, Benedict," Lee greeted. "How are we this fine evening?"

Ben put one arm around her, and then me and said, "Couldn't be better now that I'm seeing you both." I noticed he was only staring at me when he said that. Staring at me with those damned blue eyes that could melt any woman's heart. Specifically mine.

Okay, it's official. I have a crush on Ben.

"Oh, guys, look!" Aaron practically shouted as he ran towards us. He was pointing behind us so we all turned and saw the Homecoming signs being put up. "Please tell me you guys are going," Aaron pleaded. Lee shrugged and said, "I'm in. Ben?" Ben nodded and said, "Sure, I don't see why not."

Lee then looked to me and asked, "Cass? You?" I nervously brushed my hair behind my ear and told her, "I don't know. Probably not." Saying that made my two friends look sad. "Besides," I told them, "I would have to dress up and you know how much I love dresses." That seemed to brighten the mood a bit and we all walked into class. Since home room was pointless and our teacher didn't give a rat's ass what we did, Lee, Aaron, Ben, and I all sat together and discussed our movie night tonight.

"Let's see," Lee said, "we made Ben watch Nightmare on Elm Street one and two, Friday the 13th one through five and all of the Scream movies. Cass, what do you say we educate him on tonight?" I looked to Ben and gave him a smile as he stared intently at me.

"I say we do the best for last," I told them. "Halloween. All of them. Except three because three doesn't count." Aaron clapped and said, "Finally! God, I could watch those movies a thousand times and never get over them."

Ben laughed and said, "I can't wait! Maybe we can stop by the store after our shakes? Get some popcorn and candy?" I nodded and said, "Sounds like a plan. Let's do it."

After home room ended and lunch came, we continued to discuss tonight and opted to throw in some board games before the movie. We were mixing it up and I liked it! Ever since Ben came into our group, we've been trying new things and mixing up our routine. That's one of the reasons why I'm glad he's here.

That and a few other reasons.

After school, we went to get our usual shakes, then went to the local store. We grabbed popcorn, candy, new board games, and even some more movies! This time, I got the Saw collection. "Okay, now those I've seen," Ben told me. "Not a fan of horror, huh?" I teased. He chuckled, "Well, I am now. Thanks to you, anyways, introducing me to good ones."

"It's my pleasure," I told him. "Come on, let's go pay for all this." We got to the checkout counter and were ready to pay, but before we knew, it Ben was paying the cashier. "Ben, you didn't have to do that," I told him as we walked out.

He shrugged, then told me, "I wanted to. It's the least I could do with all you've done for me these past few weeks." I could feel myself blush when he smiled at me. "Well, it's no problem," I told him.

We walked to my house, greeted my parents, then went to the guest house. The usual routine. When we got in, the three musketeers put the food in the kitchen while I set my chemo. I was about to call for Lee to hand me some tape when someone suddenly put it over the needle.

It was Ben.

"Thanks," I said. He sat down next to me and said, "No problem. Um...so, I wanted to talk to you about something while Lee and Aaron are occupied." I nodded and told him, "Sure. Shoot." He started rubbing the back of his neck like he does when he's nervous. God, it was so adorable.

"So...I was only wondering if, um...do you like me?" He asked. I let out a small giggle and said, "Of course I do." He then looked even more nervous as he said, "I mean...do you like me?" Oh. That kind of like. Of course I did, but something kept telling me I shouldn't.

I gulped, then took a deep breath. "Um, actually...I do." The widest smile came on his face, but before he could get too excited, I continued, "But, Ben...I can't. And you can't. I'm sick, I'm not a normal Senior where I can go to parties and make mistakes. Honestly, I would just hold you back."

His smile faltered during my little speech and it damn near broke my heart. "Oh," he breathed out, "um...okay. May I tell you why I think you're wrong?" That caught me a little off guard, but I nodded nonetheless. "I don't want to go to parties and make mistakes," he told me. "I don't care that you're sick—I mean, I care—but not in the way you're thinking. You won't hold me back because, again, I don't want parties or mistakes...I just want you, Cassie."

I didn't know what to say. I was speechless. No one has ever said anything like this to me before, never told me they had a crush on me, let alone want me. "Ben...I—." Suddenly, Aaron and Lee came into the room, announcing they had popcorn. Ben scooted closer to me to make room for them on the couch.

Aaron handed him a bowl, while Lee put in the original Halloween movie. "You bitches ready to be scared shitless?" She asked. Aaron cheered, but Ben and I just stayed quiet. He offered me some popcorn, so I took some and ate it with a small 'thank you'.

At one point during the movie, I glanced over at him to see him staring at me. He quirked up a small smile, then turned back to the movie. I didn't know what was going on or what was happening...but I was very confused.