It Was You

Chapter 36

"I've finished grading your essays and I must say that I am very impressed with most of you." Professor Fassbender started passing back the essays by rows and I was getting antsy to get mine. As it came closer and closer, I could feel my heart hammering. "Calm down," Ben chuckled next to me. I shushed him and reached back to push his face away. Once the papers got to me, I snagged mine and shoved the others into Ben's chest.

I took a deep breath, then quickly flipped the paper around.

My heart dropped to my stomach. I knew it. I fucking knew it.

"So, what did you get?" Ben asked. I could feel him look over my shoulder and even heard him let out a gasp. "Are you kidding me?" He angrily asked. "He...he gave you an F?" Tears were prickling in my eyes and I just...I couldn't believe it. I mean, I could, but I think that was the worst part.

I didn't notice that the class had been dismissed and that everyone around me was packing up with smiling faces from their grades they had just received. I was focused on Michael and how he was looking at me with no expression whatsoever. It's like he was just waiting for me to react, but I honestly didn't know how.

I was snapped out of my trance when I felt a swipe underneath my eye. I jerked my head back and looked over where Ben had his finger sticking out. "You're crying," he told me. I wiped under my eyes and felt my hands go wet from the tears. How did I not notice that?

To save myself anymore humiliation, I quickly packed up my things and headed out of the room. "Cassie!" Ben called as he came after me. I ignored him and kept walking. I just wanted to go into my dorm and spend the weekend sulking. Was that a crime?

"Cassie," Ben called, "baby, wait!" When he caught up to me, he took my arm and turned me to him. "Ben," I softly cried, "please, I don't—." I stopped talking when he pulled me in for a hug. He didn't say anything, didn't ask questions. He just hugged me. It felt so nice.

I buried my face into his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist. His strong arms held me tighter against him, then put his lips to my head. He gently rubbed my back, then softly said, "Come on." He still held me and I clung myself to him as we walked to our dorms.

When we got to mine, I slowly unlocked the door and led us inside. I threw my backpack down and face planted onto my bed. I could hear Ben moving around behind me, but I didn't care enough about what he was doing to look. I didn't care about anything right now.

A few moments of sulking passed and felt the bed dip next to me. I soon felt Ben's body up against mine and his hand go up and down my back. "You didn't deserve that," he told me. "I think you should go to the Dean." I scoffed, then moved myself up on the bed. "Yeah," I told him, "then he'll think I'm just some resentful girl who got dumped by the teacher she had a massive crush on!"

I put my face into the pillow and screamed! I was so goddamn frustrated and angry! "Hey, Cass," Ben tried to reason, "it's going to be alright. Look, we'll figure something out, I promise. We'll ask around this weekend and brainstorm some ideas. You wrote an amazing fucking paper, babe."

Despite my head reeling about this paper, I couldn't help but notice something. Maybe I was trying to find anything else to focus on, but I slowly took my head up from the pillow and looked to him. "Why do you keep calling me that?" I asked him. He seemed confused so I elaborated, "You keep calling me baby and babe. We're not even together, so..."

That question seemed to catch him off guard. "Um...I don't know," he shyly admitted. "Habit, I suppose. I can stop if you want." He's so adorable when he's shy. "No," I told him, "it's fine. I was just wondering." He smirked at me, then nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

"So," he started, "I know this probably isn't the best time, actually it's the absolute worst time, but is there any chance that we can...erm..." He kept rubbing at the back of his neck. I raised my eyebrows at him because I was pretty confused. There were several things he could be asking and I couldn't guess which one it could be. "Fuck it," he continued, "I'll just come out and say it. I was wondering if we could talk about getting back together. We've been doing really well as friends, who sometimes heavily make out, and I just—."

I put my fingers on his lips and told him, "You're right...it is a bad time. I'm sorry, Ben, I want to talk about us, but I'm in a really shitty place right now. I'm fucking frustrated and I can't think about anything other than how I just...ugh!" I threw myself back onto my pillows and closed my eyes.

"Hey, it's alright," he told me. "We'll get to it eventually. If it makes you feel any better, I'm going through a shit time, as well. I got some news a few days ago that...well, that completely changes my life."

I sat up and looked at him. He was looking at anything other than me, almost as if he was ashamed. Curious, I asked, "What happened?" He struggled to even utter a word to tell me, so I moved close to him and put my arms around his waist and rested my head on his shoulder, keeping my eyes on him.

After a few moments, he looked to me and gave a small, but insincere, smile. He then ran his fingers through my hair and lightly scratched at my scalp. God, I missed it when he did that. "I...I only found out the other night," he told me. "It was quite the blow."

His eyes turned sad and I couldn't help running my hand over his cheek. "What happened?" I softly asked. He audibly gulped, then turned his head from me so he could look across the room. He was having a tough time getting it out, so I sat up a little more and put my forehead to this side of his head.

I heard him let out a shaky breath and I could feel his chest staggering where my hand was resting. He was crying. "Ben," I whispered, "it's okay. You don't have to tell me, but whatever it is, it's going to be okay." Slowly, he turned his head back to me and I could see the tear streaks down his cheeks.

"It's my parents," he said and my heart went up to my throat. The thought of anything happening to his sweet, old parents was scaring the hell out of me! He let out a deep breath, then continued, "They...they're getting a divorce." He started to cry the moment those words came out and I immediately pulled him in for a hug.

"Oh, Ben," I sighed. "Oh my God, I am so sorry." He sniffled and tried to fight back more tears. "Sorry," he croaked out. "That's the first time I've said it out loud and it's making it so real. I just don't understand! They've always been so happy and I hoped half my marriage would be as good as theirs, but now this is happening. Bloody hell, I hate it so much."

I didn't know what to say. If my parents got divorced, I would handle it so poorly and I would probably be throwing everything in this room against the wall in rage! I couldn't possibly imagine how he's feeling and I don't possibly know what to say to comfort him.

So, I continued to hold him. He tried his best not to cry, but it got the best of him at some points. A good fifteen minutes passed when he eventually came out of my embrace and looked at me with red, tear filled eyes. "Thank you," he told me. I shrugged as I told him, "I didn't say anything."

He let out a small laugh, then said, "Exactly. You didn't pity me, didn't offer any advice that you were in no position to offer. That's what I've been afraid of when it comes to telling anyone, but you...you know what to do. You always do."

I put my hands on his cheeks and wiped away his tears with my thumbs. "You can always come to me for anything. You know that." He nodded, then pressed his forehead against mine. "Perhaps we should talk about us some other time," he offered. "I don't want you to think I'm making you feel sorry for me and trying to sucker you into getting back with me."

That thought hadn't even crossed my mind and I was sure to let him know that. "Still," he said, taking my hands in his, "I don't think either of us are in a position to make any big decisions right now. Not to mention, I quite like where we are at the moment."

I gave him a smile as I said, "I do, too."