Above the Clouds (On Hold Indefinitely)

2. Tell Me Another Lie

It's already the night before the engagement ball, and unlike most ladies who would be unable to sleep because of excitement, I am unable to sleep because I'm searching through books in a library.

This library is massive to say the least. The room is circular, with standing shelves going in a circle around the center, where there is an assortment of chairs, couches, and tables that sit upon a round green carpet with a golden cursive K in the center of it. The room's tall walls are lined with book covered shelves. The amount of books housed here seems limitless.

I stand in the center of the impressive room, a huge chandelier hanging overhead. To project the light from it more, mirrors line the roof of the building making it seem endless. The library is an architectural work of art, being so ahead of its time when it was created. It still manages to make me stare whenever I come in.

Unfortunately, most of the books are highly outdated because they couldn't get new ones for around 200 years. Still, with the limited arsenal I have, I come here daily trying to find anything I can about magic and sorcery.

With each passing day, I become increasingly frustrated with the lack of information available. I inhale deeply, letting go a long sigh as I shut yet another book, its information being useless. I pull out a chair, its iron legs scratching the wooden floor, and sit down. "I need a break from all of this," I mumble, propping my arms on the table and resting my head on top of them.

What do I need a break from? Well, that's a tricky question to answer. Right now, it feels like I need a break from everything.

I need a break from all the secrets and lies. Nobody will tell me anything about Margarethe, not even Helena or William on the few occasions that I do see them. I want to know more about Margarethe, why she did what she did fully. I remember her saying that there is part to the story that she wouldn't tell me, and that sits so unwell with me that at times it makes my stomach churn.

Also, what did she mean by, "I underestimated just how powerful you would be."? Powerful? I don't have any powers at all nor do I want them. In fact as she said those words, I laid beside her dying just as she was. I was anything but powerful in our confrontation in the garden. Then again, I'm the one who is sitting in this chair meanwhile she will never sit again. I'm the one who is still breathing while her chest will never rise again. I took a life and she- she- well, it's not a thought I like to complete.

Sometimes, images of her haunt my nightmares, waking me in the middle of the night. No matter who she was, what she did, or what she was going to do, part of me still can't come to terms with what I did. I wish I didn't feel guilty for doing what I had to do, but that's exactly how I feel. I guess that's why it's so prudent for me to find answers about not only her but me as well. I just need some justification.

Maybe only then will I get a restful night of sleep.

I've quickly discovered that these books won't help me at all, but I still look through them because the people who can give me answers won't. Helena is impassive. Whenever I question her, she always uses the same phrase, "Sometimes it is safer not knowing, Sage. Ignorance is bliss."

And then there is William. He's not hiding answers as obviously as Helena is. Whenever I ask him, he says something along the lines of, "I can't remember. There are gaps in my memory still. When it comes to Margarethe, there is a gaping black hole."

Now I don't know how true this. I can't say if he's lying or not because there's no way to know. It's just so convenient, though. If he wanted to hide the truth from me, it is the perfect excuse.

Not only that but I remember him and Helena talking about me when I was half awake, half asleep after crushing Margarethe's ruby stole all my energy from me. I feel like he has to know something, even if it's not the answers to the questions I'm asking.