Above the Clouds (On Hold Indefinitely)

10. Desperation

William's POV

Months. It's been two months to the exact day since I last saw her. Two months where each day has felt longer than the last, becoming more and more hopeless each time the moon rises. Then there are nights when not even the moon is there due to it being clouded or a new moon. Those are the nights that I feel the loneliness.

A night like that is what led me to the bottle, taking my first drink of the putrid liquid to numb the pain. It burned my throat on its way down, a temporary pain to take my mind off the constant one in my chest. It started with a mere sip which led to my second and my third. Then, an already clouded thought entered my mind: why stop there when I can drink enough to forget the pain entirely?

So one night of drunken mercy led to a second and a third as well. It quickly became an everyday thing for me. Even faster, though, it became a problem I can never quite seem to escape. Even now I'm being tempted to forget. It's ironic, actually. It's straight-up laughable. There was a time where I had forgotten everything and wanted nothing more than to remember it all, but now I remember it all and want nothing more than to forget.

Well, forget some of it anyway. I don't want to forget Sage. No matter how much not having her hurts, I would never wish for that. I just want to block the pain, to forget the soreness that rages within my heart constantly.

The sun is setting just over the waterfall that sits behind Formosara. I'm sitting on the balcony of my room, giving me a brilliant view of it, but at the moment I couldn't care less for such sights. My legs hang over the dangerously far drop beneath me. No, I'm not sitting on a chair. I'm sitting on the thin, stone railing. The only thing separating me from the awaiting grass below is 30 feet of air. I best not lose my balance, I suppose. Something tells me that the grass wouldn't be as soft of a landing as it looks.

One of my hands is placed firmly on the railing. It's the only precaution I have to keep myself from falling forward. If I were to let go, well, that would not be a pretty sight. I can already picture my motionless, broken body crumpled in the grass, a body that could not bear the sudden stop of my fall yet can endure the never ending pain of loss.

At least I wouldn't feel this supreme, defeating, all-encompassing sadness any longer, I think to myself cynically.

My other hand tightly grips a bottle of beer, a beer so fermented that it could leave one completely drunk after a single bottle. However, surprisingly it is still an unopened one. That's why I'm hurting so bad in this very moment. I'm completely sober, and I can remember everything.

Every. Single. Thing.

Sage's laugh. The mischievous glint she would have in her eyes more times than not. The serene look on her face as she played the piano, her eyes closed at the world beneath the fountain shined around her. I can almost see her hair that seemed to look different every day with its free curls and waves as it fell just below her shoulders. There would days that it would be so messy, but somehow it still looked perfect to me. I can still feel her in my arms as we danced under the gaze of the stars, their watchful eyes winking at us, mocking us for what was to come.

I remember her in the arms of that other man. The man that took her. The one that we have no real leads on. I remember her look of desperation as she searched through the crowd trying to find me.

But I was nowhere to be found. And then I was too late. Useless.

My whole chest tightens as I take in a deep breath, trying to calm the wave emotion that is so close to drowning me. My hand holding the bottle begins to shake. It would be so easy. Just one sip. One drink. Just something to make some of the memories fog for now.