Treat You Better

34.

Everything hurts. My whole body feels like it's been hit by a train. I'm not comfortable, I shift slightly but my muscles scream out at me in pain. I open my eyes a little and I'm blinded by light.

Where the fuck am I?

I squint my eyes as I look up, I'm outside.

Why am I outside?

I attempt to get myself into a seating position, much to the reluctance of my joints. I have never felt physical pain like this before, it's knocking me off balance and making me feel sick. Actually, that might be the booze. I hunch myself over and let it all out.

The taste and smell of scotch, overflowing my senses. I look at the unfortunate place where I just brought everything I had ingested in the past six hours and see grass.

Confused I look up and find myself on a park bench, I feel my pockets for my phone and thankfully find it.

"Jesus." I curse. I slowly stand up and look around where I am to try and get my bearings. I decide that it's probably better if I find a road, then I can look at street signs.

I try to think back to what happened last night but all I can remember is leaving my house after fighting with Lucas, yet again. Everything else is blank. After walking for a few minutes, I find a road, I look all over for street signs to try and figure out where I am but I have no idea.

My phone is dead so I have no way of getting into contact with anyone. I start walking in a direction to see if I can find any shops. I find one and step inside, it seems pretty empty so it must be early in the morning. I ask the person on the cash register and they thankfully tell me where I am, after giving me several confused looks.

Fortunately, the person tells me that I am somewhere remotely familiar, I leave the store and start heading home. I'm not sure how long it's going to take me but I could do with the fresh air.

Once I have woken up a bit, I comb through my hair with my fingers and put it up with a tie that I found on my wrist. I looked at my reflection in a shop mirror and tried to look a little less like a homeless person. Luckily, I was only wearing sweatpants and a cropped top last night before leaving, otherwise I would be getting even weirder looks from the strangers on the street.

As I walked past the others on the sidewalk I wondered about their life, whether they were happy or not, what they did, whether they had families. I wanted to talk some pictures so badly but my phone is dead and I don't have my camera.

I haven't taken any pictures in a while, I haven't found the motivation since shit hit the fan. It's almost like my artistic vision has gone. Almost as if it was mocking me, I walked past a photography studio named 'Image cette', I think it means 'picture this' in French. I love that; its showing the amazing French culture that we have here in New Orleans. Looking back now, I wished that I had gone to Mardi Gras, despite living in Louisiana my entire life, I have never been. Which is a shame now that I think about it.

By the time I got back home, it was late into the afternoon. God knows how I got to that park last night but if I am honest I don't want to know. My parents must have been worried sick. No one was home when I got back so I just wondered upstairs and into my room, picking up a bottle of water from the kitchen beforehand.

I put my phone on charge and then made my way into the bathroom, I stripped down to nothing and put all my clothes into the laundry basket. I made sure the water was boiling hot before stepping into it.

I let the heat cascade down me, soothing my skin and my aching muscles. I combed my hair and watched little bits of dirt drop down to the floor and down the sink. I have no idea what happened to me last night but it was rough.

I scrubbed my skin until it was red raw, trying to get all the grime off me. I felt dirty after sleeping on the bench, I can only imagine how homeless people feel. After that thought I was struck with sadness.

I bent down and sat at the bottom of my shower, my back against the wall with my knees curled up to my chest. I just sat there letting the hot water take over.

Finally, I gathered enough strength to pull myself up and get out of the shower, I wrapped myself up in a warm towel and made my way back into my room. I saw that my phone was now back on and functioning. I scrolled through some messages that I had gotten from Holden- apparently, I had ended up at his house last night- not really surprising.

Thankfully, I had messaged my parents explaining. I sighed in relief for the first time in ages and then went back to my vanity table. I dried and styled my hair and then applied some makeup. I made my way over to my closet where I picked a denim skirt and a body suit. I finished off with a few accessories and then picked up my bag, ordering an uber to my house.

I went over to the club, ready to for a night out. I ordered something strong, then another and then another until I couldn't feel how bad my muscles ached any more. They had a DJ tonight and he was pretty damn good.

"Rough day?" Someone asked, I looked to where the voice came from, next to me.

"Rough month." I said in response, taking a sip from my drink.

"I can relate to that." He laughed, he was Latino with dark hair and eyes. We chatted for a while, just comparing stories- I think he said his name at some point but I don't remember what it was. I wasn't focused on that.

"Do you want to dance?" I asked, not really giving him the chance to respond as I pulled him towards where everyone was. We danced and laughed, I actually forgot everything that was going on in my life for a few moments. I smiled for the first time in days. I like this guy, he's nice. He pulled me close, our lips connecting and I melted into him.

Then I snapped.

I pulled away from him and put some distance between us.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this right now." I apologised, getting my phone out of my bag. I said I was sorry once more before leaving him standing there in the middle of the dance floor.

Holden showed up not long after.

"What happened?" He asked.

"I don't want to talk about it." I said, relaxing into the car seat. I can't describe what I am feeling, what I felt when I kissed that complete stranger. I just want to go to sleep.

We arrived back at Holden's apartment not long after, where I took up my usual place on the couch and curled up. Forcing myself to go to sleep.

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A/N

Thanks for reading.

~Jadey6688