Once Upon A Dream (Kris Bryant)

56- I Want You To Know

Jayden

At the beginning of June I go back to the doctors to figure some things out. Turns out I was about two months along and the baby should be here by the end of this year if not the beginning of next year. The baby was healthy and we were able to find a heartbeat that was fully developed and steady. The baby was developing good and there was no problems they would see right now. They gave me some stuff to help with the headaches and other stuff and I already had medicine for the blood pressure that they just increased.

And as June started I realized that I really really wanted to finish this album as soon as possible. I spent a lot more time on it then I intended to, but I wanted to make sure it was right. I wanted to make sure my songs were telling the stories I wanted people to hear and that they were coming across right. They had to in the right order in the album and flow well together. This album is basically a continuation of the last one and it had some pretty deep ones in there. It was basically about Kris and I finally getting together then getting sick and nearly loosing it all. It was really hard for me to make this album, hence why it took a little bit longer than others.

I listen through it one more good time and I get to the last song. I've gone back and fourth for forever on whether or not I wanted to keep this song in there or not. I know it belongs in this album but it was kinda hard. I wasn't expecting a lot of people to connect with it, but there are going to people who need to hear it. And those few people are what's keeping me from saying fuck it and taking it out. I will probably never perform it but I still need to get it off my chest and out there.

I look at the sheet music I had for this song and let it play behind me. The words "i want you to know" stares back at me while I take a deep breath. Why was this so hard?

"I want to start off by saying I'm sorry
I never thought it would get this far
Holding on is getting exhausting
But letting go is just too hard

Every time I look at you I can't help but smile
The when I close my eyes I just want to cry
I wish I could stay here forever
Because of you I never want to die

If I were to leave I want you to keep going
Never give up on the love we share
If I cannot breath I want you to keep knowing
That for you I would always care
If I must go let your love keep on growing
If I'm no longer here, I'll always be there

I want you to know I'll be in your heart forever
I'll love you for all time, this I swear

If you're still here when I am away
Know that I never really wanted to leave
I would give anything to be able to stay
You should known there is more to life than me

I hope you find nothing but happy ever afters
Even if ours came way too fast
I hope your life is always filled with laughter
I hope you don't leave love laying in the past.

If I were to leave I want you to keep going
Never give up on the love we share
If I cannot breath I want you to keep knowing
That for you I would always care
If I must go let your love keep on growing
If I'm no longer here, I'll always be there

I want you to know I'll be in your heart forever
I'll love you for all time, this I swear."

The song plays out and it falls silent in the empty room. It was just me in here because the album was pretty much finished and I just needed to get out of my head.

Suddenly I hear a knock at the door and I turn around quickly to see who it was. I see Kris standing there with two smoothies and I smile.

"Brain break" he claims and I laugh. He sits next to me and hands me my drink.

"Thanks" I say softly before taking a sip. I feel his eyes look through me as he watches me drink my smoothie.

"That song..." he trails off.

"You heard that huh" I ask.

"Yeah. And I can tell it's hitting home hard. Wanna talk about it" he asks.

"It's kinda hard to explain" I shrug.

"How so" he asks.

"I never really told you about this... kinda dark thought that was consuming me when I was sick. And if I haven't talked to you about it lord knows I haven't told anyone else" I admit.

"Why not" he asks.

"This is a song that I started when I got really sick. All the thoughts of what if I have to leave you. What if I don't make it" I say softly.

"Oh" he whispers. "That's pretty deep" he admits.

"I know. I had that kind of moment where I was like "I'm not going to make it and I'm going to have to let go of the best thing that has ever happened to me". I was so scared of losing you. I would sit in that bed and try to figure out why you were still here. Why you wouldn't just leave me to die" I explain.

"I had no idea you felt that way. I don't know what to tell you so that you will understand I am never going to leave you. Even if you were torn from me I would follow you. If you were in that hospital for a year I would have been too. I'm never going to let you go" he insists.

"I know that now. But back then when I was living but also dying you couldn't tell me anything" I insist.

"I'm sorry this happened to you" he says.

"I know you are. But look at us now, we're having a baby" I smile.

"We are. How are you feeling" he asks.

"The smoothie was just what I was craving, thanks for that" I say giving him a kiss.

"Anything for your kisses" he claims and I roll my eyes. What a weirdo.