A Journal From A Messed Up Brain

Night.

I have trouble sleeping sometimes. I can never pinpoint a reason so it just keeps happening every once in a while. During these nights where I lay in the dark waiting for sleep to engulf my mind and body, I tend to think a lot (which really doesn't help me sleep at all). My brain just doesn't shut up. I'll think about random things that are really unnecessary in the situation of trying to sleep. Sometimes it happens for a string of nights in a row. By the end of it I'll look in the mirror and get scared by the deep, dark circles that have formed under my eyes. In short, I look like the living dead or a Tim Burton character. Anyways, the thoughts I have during these sleepless nights range from questions about my personal life to stupid random crap that no sane person tends to think about.
    Usually I think about school, which I do not enjoy for the record. People at my school make me nervous and I get overly stressed by the work load and I tend to get sick a lot so my absences don't really help. Thinking about school makes my mind race and I tend to get very anxious when thinking about it even though it seems pretty irrational now that I'm not, but in the moment I can't help how my mind thinks of stupid reasons why I should be getting upset about having to go the next day.
       Another thing I tend to think about are my friends, especially lately. I think it's because for a while now they've all been acting differently towards me but when I ask they say everything is fine. In my mind things apparently don't seem fine which is probably just some more of those irrational thoughts that seem rational to me in the moment. It's upsetting and frustrating and I tend to get very immersed in these types of thoughts.
     Something I also think about in my restless nights is how I can't sleep or how I should be sleeping at whatever late time it happens to be. Thoughts like that aren't helpful at all because it just gets me frustrated and angry that I can't relax and go to sleep. Thinking about it also makes me very aware when I try closing my eyes that I just have my eyes closed and nothing is actually happening. It all just makes my mind restless and doesn't help me fall asleep whatsoever. Then the next day I just trudge through and try my best to not topple over and fall asleep. It's a mess, but anyway, these are just some of the thoughts I have when I can't sleep late at night.
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hello. don't know if this is relatable or not but here's a little insight into my weird mind. Hope you maybe enjoyed and feel a little less crazy or alone if you also have nights like this. Until next time ~g