♤
Everything carries me to you.
As if everything that exists
were little boats that sail me
towards the isles of your heart
as they wait for me.
You always find your way
back to me, my love.
The connection is alive, it always
was and it will always be. It keeps us both alive.
Blood pumps through
my veins, my heartbeat increases,
my breathing gets unregular;
all of this everytime I see the beautiful details of your angelic face.
We ignore the undeniable truth for temporary happiness,
but what we deep down all know,
is that it is impossible to ignore it.
It lurks around the corners
and when we do not expect it,
it attacks when we are at our most vulnerable.
It caught me when they pulled
the man that loves the flowering girl in front of him, away from her features. When she dissapeared again.
Before that, when she
entered the dimmed
room all light in me returned and the fire grew deep in my mortal body.
It pleasured my immortal soul.
I gazed at her so much,
as much as one could be gazed at.
I fell victim to dreams.
Her hands touched me after such a long time of imagining and dreaming.
Her lips embraced mine and her tears felt cold on my skin. The only thing I could do was stare at her beauty.
Welcome to the mind of the mad,
were the words I said when I saw everyone standing around me,
just before she entered.
The split personality which exists within me, constantly battling for the spotlight of your healthy mind,
is feeding of you, so it lives.
Hearing the whispers,
the demands and the words,
I say those are the monsters under
my bed, but no, they are the monsters
in my head.
My nightmares are reality and
when I see her, it will make them go away. They vanish and the only thing that keeps me okay, it the sight of the one that I love so dearly.
How long until the moon pulls you away, I asked myself everyday.
The answer is here, in my head. Because you were never really with me, you were always out of reach and so I know they can not pull you away.
I replay the moments we had over and over and over.
They keep playing in front of my sad eyes and they keep me entertained.
Especially the one when we almost made love, when we were caught up in one another and I craved her so much, so so much.
The temperature rised.
My eyes seeing all her curves,
as I observe. I could feel her body shiver against mine as I looked deep into her eyes and swallowed her lips with mine.
We when we kissed she wrote poetry in my mouth and we were paralyzed by pleasure. That pleasure leaking from our burning bodies.
It is no more. Those moments are gone and never will new ones be there to satisfy us.
Pleasure, nor touching is
present now. It has dissapeared into thin air and I desperately want to grab it back and bury myself and her in them.
Present are the scars,
hurt and lost. All as black as my soul, mind and heart. Never will I heal.
The scars on me will never heal and they will always be there. Showing all around me what my secrets are,
created by them.
They make me do it, they tell me to do it all they punish me if I do otherwise.
They tell me to do all the dark things I have done and will do.
You are nothing.
She does not like you.
She hates you.
Make her fear us.
She does not like you, choke her.
He takes her from us.
Kill him, cut him, burn him.
They make me go insane and the more I breathe and survive the day,
the worse they become.
She is my cure, but without her I am lost and the end of me will be sooner than expected.
En sa beauté gît ma mort et ma vie.
♤
I hope you have some answers on his mental state.
