Snow is falling
And so are my tears
I hate to admit it, but it's already Christmas
And I'm not as happy as I am supposed to be
To be honest, I feel horrible
I hear people laughing outside, but I can't even talk to my friends
I feel so lonely
So isolated
It takes a lot of self-control not to run away
I just want to run away
From everything
From my life
My family
My friends
But mostly
From myself
I want to run away and I don't want to come back
Ever
In my head are a million thoughts
Making me dizzy
I used to be a strong person
I was happy
But now I'm only happy when I'm not myself
I changed
I suddenly love to talk to strangers or to people I barley know
At school, I avoid my friends, cause they know how I truly are and I don't want to be myself anymore
Even I am not able to stand my own company, so why would they?
Why would I force them to do?
But they keep asking me what's wrong
Everything
I want to say
But I just smile
Nothing
It's Christmas
And it's cold
Outside
And in my heart
They don't believe me
Ofcourse not
They know me too well
It's dangerous
For all of us
I don't want them to get hurt
I just want to run away
Maybe talk to someone who doesn't care about me
Even though I would prefer it to be alone
But that's conspicuous
People would start asking me what's wrong
I just want them to shut up
Leave me alone
Or better
I leave you alone
I just want to run
Through the darkness
Through the silence
Until I'm too exhausted to see clear
And further
I want to run until I collapse on the ground
It would be a silent night
And if I'm lucky, it would snow
I would lie on the ground
Watching the stars and the snow that is falling down on me
I would still hate myself
But maybe
When everything is peaceful
And I'm not bothering anyone
Maybe
Just maybe
I could be happy
It would be a silent night
The only thing I would hear is my own breathing
Would I want it to fall silent as well?
I don't know
Maybe
To complete the perfect silence
But maybe not
Maybe I would want to be selfish
Maybe I would want to enjoy the moment
Even if I make it flawed
Cause maybe
It would be fine
It is a silent night
On Christmas Eve
And maybe
Everything is fine
