a/n: thanks to shatteredmemmory for the radical idea
contains foul language
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The streets were quiet, glowing in the light of the moon overhead. I was forced to walk home from my friend's apartment, since some dickhead had stolen my bike. I let out a sigh, watching as my breath crystallized in the cool air. Feeling rather daring tonight, I decided to take a shortcut through the alley by Crapmart™.
I stopped at the mouth of the pathway, quickly scanning over the dark. Sudden movement behind a trashcan caused me to emit a soft yelp, and I froze in my spot. From behind the trashcan emerged a green-headed five year old, a horrid stench billowing from his square thug pants.
"Who are you?" I questioned, quickly loosening up at the sight of a child.
"Your worst fuckin' nightmare," he declared in a nasally voice, revealing his godawful buck teeth. Even though he stood a good 10 feet away from me, I could still smell his putrid breath.
"Um, are you lost?" I asked, shifting uncomfortably in my spot. I just wanted to go home.
"No, asshole. I know these streets like the back of my stubby hand."
"Uh, okay. I'll be going then," I announced, adjusting my bag. A scream soon ripped from my mouth, though, as he pulled a gun on me.
"Not so fast, punko!" He yelled, waving the gun wildly at me. I was about to put my hands in the air, but the orange tip of the gun soon caught my attention. I let out a sigh of annoyance, placing my hands on my hips.
"Listen, kid, I just want to go home. I'd appreciate it if you'd drop the BB gun, yeah?"
"Shut up!" The little freak shrilled, pulling the trigger. I flinched, covering my face with my hands. No impact came, though, and I peeked through my fingers.
"Dammit, my mom forgot to load my gun!" He cried, stomping his foot on the ground. I stared at him for a moment before I made my way over and plunged my foot through his stomach.
The sound of the child's panicked screams filled my ears. He writhed around on the pavement, whining about how he was going to tell his mommy on me.
I was about to step over him and resume my trek home, but a dirty hand on my ankle stopped me in my tracks.
"Wait," he called in a raspy voice, tightening his grip on my ankle. I simply blinked at him.
"In these short minutes we've known each other, I've come to realize that... I love you."
"Ew," I declared in a flat voice, stomping on his throat. A strangled noise from him was my response, and I yanked my ankle from his now loose hold.
"See ya 'round," I called, exiting the alley and leaving the toddler to rot.
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X Reader Parodies
Kinh dịPacked with completely non-serious works of fiction (more specifically, x readers); some are morbid, others just plain stupid. I strongly suggest you read the author's comment at the beginning of each chapter, as they provide insight into what you'r...
