A Moment in the Crowd

Chapter 45: Turn the page

Author's Note: I'm currently working on a new fanfiction called The Saint's Lips, which I will be publishing soon. I've gotten really into working on it, and I honestly think it has a much better plotline and interesting set of characters in it than AMITC. It is a Harry based fanfic, and I hope that's alright with everyone. I would like to work on a Larry fanfic after that one, curtousy of my good friend @namelessmash. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the ending to AMITC and I'm planning on finishing the book at Chapter 50. Enjoy, and please vote and comment. 

_________________________

Lily:

I wake to the sound of snow against my window pane, which sounds exactly like a light rain. I look outside to see a new and beautiful landscape that is cloaked with frosty white snowflakes. The moment I regain my conscious thoughts, I go to check my phone. Disappointment clouds my mind and heart as I see that the lock screen is empty.

To rid myself of the thoughts that I have on a daily basis of Harry and what he could possibly be thinking, I walk across the hall to the bathroom. Slowly brushing my teeth and washing my face, I go back to my room and put on a warm pair of track pants, along with my favourite hoodie.

I can't help the contemplation that my mind runs to as I watch the snowflakes fall in the light of the day. Although the sky is clouded, light still finds its way through. I think about all the people I've come to meet in the last year, and wonder whether or not I was meant to continue any form of relationship with them. After the summer when I ran into Harry like that, my whole life blew up into a million different pieces. I got to know people like Ashton, and then I met Amy and her brother Brandon, and Miles became a figure that haunted my nightmares. The pitying faces of Scarlette and Christina flash through my mind, and the petrified look Dylan gave Harry when he found out about Miles. Mike, who I haven't seen since I met him on my first day at university, and Will who tried to warn me about Miles.

These people are like holograms who dot my vision with their apparitions. Each have impacted me in a different and interesting way, but each have come and gone in their own time. Miles may still haunt my memory, and Harry may still haunt my heart, but is all of this really worth the drama and the constant wondering?

I can feel myself pulling away from the cold heart of Canada, and wishing that I could escape. It's in this moment that I decide my next move. Next year, I am convinced that I will no longer be spending my school education in Canada, or in North America for that matter.

I will explore the world that I've for so long pondered upon all of its different sites and tourist attractions. I'll go on some road trip around the world, just by myself. Why can't I do that? Why does it seem like such a far off reality?

"Lily, come and get something for breakfast!" My mom calls me downstairs and I leave my dreams in the bedroom that held a few short years in the development of my life.

I go to make myself something from the scraps of food that lay around in the fridge, and soon I'm wasting away my day in front of the television screen. I can't bring myself to think about anything anymore, this morning's philosophical debate was enough. I can safely escape into the pixels that flash across the screen, but my heart drops when I hear the familiar ringtone that signals I have an incoming call.

The ringing resounds from my bedroom and I rush up the stairs to pick up the phone. Harry's name flashes across the screen, and my unsteady heartbeat becomes a myriad of poundings.

"Hello?" I answer, almost afraid of what might come from this call.

"Lily? Lily I'm so sorry, I fell asleep. I just woke up now." I hear Harry's frantic voice on the other line, all the way from halfway across the globe.

"Okay, well did you read my text at all then?" I ask, and I can hear him sigh from his end.

"Yes, of course. I'm so sorry for what I've done to you Lily. This is unfair. God this is so unfair. I'm so selfish to need you. I really do Lily, I need you in my life somehow, I don't know how. It makes no sense, but we can figure it out together can't we?" For the first time in my life, I think Harry Styles is actually more nervous to talk to me, than I am to talk to him.

And for the first time in my life, I feel like he should be.

"No. No, Harry look I'm done. I don't know what this was, but I don't want it anymore. You've been an inspiration to me for so long, but I think you should just stay the way you were. An unreachable person, because even if we did try to work something out, you would be just that. Unreachable. I can't handle it, and I don't want to be constantly questioned by my grandparents over a Christmas dinner as to why I was on the gossip channels on TV. I just can't Harry, I'm sorry."

I can feel myself beginning to break down, already the tears are dotting the vision of my empty bedroom in front of me, and I can't even bare to listen to Harry's response. Like the coward that I am, I hang up before I can hear what he says.

Where all of this sudden change of heart came from is beyond me. I realized after last night, that I shouldn't have to worry about these kinds of things. I should be living a life where I can safely walk outside and not wonder who saw some magazine article about me. I can get to know people who are in the same age group, financial group, any similiarity to my lifestyle really. I just need to let it go. This Harry Styles fantasy is nothing but that. A fantasy.