A Moment in the Crowd

Chapter 44: Where reality lives

CHRISTMAS

Lily:

"So I hear you've been on the news quite a bit haven't you Lily?" 

My grandmother questions me while the entire family is sitting rather awkwardly around the living room coffee table. The flowered couches and carpeted flooring scream 'old lady home' but at the same time everything about it reminds me of simpler childhood memories. 

"I guess so. Where did you see that Grandma?" I ask her with a light chuckle. The last thing I needed was my grandmother to interrogate me on why I'm being called a hooker in the newspapers.

"Well your mother explained it a little but we also saw a segment on one of those e-news shows, and I was shocked to see that I recognized you." She gives me a forced smile, but I can see the judgement in her tone. It clearly says "my nearly 18-year-old granddaughter is going out to a club with some famous boy - how shameful".

"It was just during the summer Grandma, nothing to worry about." I tell her and then my mom quickly jumps in to try to change the subject.

I look to my sister who is staring mindlessly into her glass of water, and then to my little brother who sits awkwardly between my grandma and granddad. Christmas was more fun when the awkward family dinners were excluded.

Ever since my dad officially "left" us, my mom hasn't been able to talk much about anything else. She was dropping hints here and there about how miserable she was at last year's Christmas dinner, and a year later not much has changed. 

It causes the atmosphere of friendly family dinner to turn into an awkward session of "plaster on some fake smiles and call it a meal". 

I'm relieved when we finally say our goodbyes and pile back into the car for the two hour drive home. Rose always sits shotgun, after having bullied herself into the seat when she was about 10 and never letting it go. I'm always stuck in the back with Jacob who seems to be annoying just through the simple task of breathing. Siblings can really get on your nerves if they try hard enough.

I decide to let the thoughts of Harry flow freely - if he's having a good Christmas with his family, what it would be like to have him over for Christmas, how he is feeling, if he's even thinking of me too...

*You don't know-oh-oh, you don't know you're beautiful oh-oh-oh, that's what makes you beautiful...*

"ROSE! Are you serious, you had to play that?!" I yell at her from the back seat and she snickers under her breath.

"What? You don't like it? Gosh, isn't it a bit harsh to dislike a song by your own boyfriend?" She teases me.

"He's not even my boyfriend. Ugh, you can be such a bitch sometimes you know that?" I huff at her and she gasps at my moodiness.

"You'd think the girl dating Harry Styles would be a bit happier about it." She tells me in a mocking tone.

"Don't call your sister a bitch either." My mom pipes in.

"Like I said, I'm not dating him. Thank you very much for reminding me about it though. Much appreciated." I roll my eyes and plug in my iPod for some music that might not remind me of Harry.

The hope of finding a song that I can't relate to him is short lived. Every song I play becomes a short story of how he walked into my life then walked out without so much as a goodbye. 

I decide to try to get some sleep. It's already passed 9pm and I figure I should rest after a long day of pretending to be happy about getting interrogated by my entire family.

"Lily, what do you want for your birthday by the way. Should we do anything special?" My mom asks from the driver's seat.

I don't answer her right away, keeping my eyes closed as I think for a minute.