Gaga Oneshots (GirlxGirl)

I love you so...

*Trigger warning-suicide attempt/suicide*

I lay there stiff, staring at the small device in my hand. The screen illuminated the space around me. I let out a sniffle as I wiped away my tears with my sleeve, wincing as the rough fabric rubbed against my raw skin.

"Should I text her? Should I just give her time? She probably hates me. She has the right to hate you.You hurt her. It's your fault."  My mind raced at a million miles an hour. "Maybe a little music will help."

I pushed back the heavy duvet and blindly felt my way over to the record player. Music began to pour out of the speaker as soon as the needle touched the vinyl.

'She may contain the urge to run away but hold her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks.'

I let out a sigh brushing back my messy, matted hair that stuck to my face and another tear ran down my face, stinging as it did. I swayed my hips to the gentle tune. An urge hit me. Squinting around the dark room, I finally found them.

I grabbed them off the nightstand and immediately put one of the sticks to my lips. The flame shone brightly as I brought it towards the cigarette. I sharply inhaled. The tase of nicotine filling my mouth giving me relief as I slowly let the air and smoke out. More tears ran down my cheek as I listened to the tune, burning my cheeks at this point the pain felt soothing and the lump in my throat slowly began to disappear.

'She's morphine, queen of my vaccine my love my love'

My body froze as I heard the word morphine. Quickly, I dabbed out my cigarette and threw it out the open window. I made my way to the bathroom, I turned on the light as I walked in. The bright light burnt my eyes as I began frantically searching through my medical bag only to find nothing. I frustratedly banged the marble counter and stared at myself in the mirror. The person I saw staring back at me was someone I thought I'd never see again. My matted hair, messily fell down my back and around my puffy, irritated cheeks. My dark brown eyes were bloodshot and filled to the brim with tears. The large oversized shirt was folded and stained. I was a mess. As I stared at my reflection, something caught my eye. The medical cabinet. I pulled open the door, my shaking hands frantically searched through the shelves knocking most of the bottles out onto the floor.My eyes locked on it. I grabbed it and held it to my chest, taking a satisfied breath. My shaky hands fiddled with the cap until it finally popped off.

I dumped them all into my hand and put the bottle back on the counter. I stared at them contemplating whether I should do it again. 'What do you have to lose?' I asked myself. I threw them into my mouth and swallowed them, ignoring the bitter taste. I quickly got a cup of water to washed them down. I smiled as I finally felt peace.

I climbed back onto my bed.My tense body slowly relaxing as I sunk into the covers and pillows. My racing heartbeat slowly began to decrease as I began to run through memories of her.

"Stefani! Stop!" I yelled, laughing my head off as her bony fingers tickled my sides.

"Never!" She yelled, laughing.

"Please!" I barely got out as I wriggled under her body.

"Only if you let me do something." She smirked and bit her plum lip.

"Like what?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"This." She said, seduction coating the words. She leaned down, bringing her lips to mine. Her blonde hair tickling the side of my face as she did so. She slowly began to kiss me, I kissed back.The kiss was full of warmth and love. She pulled back and open her eyes to reveal her lively green irises. She gave me a warm smile before flopping onto the bed next to me. I turned onto my side to look at her beautiful face highlighted by the bright sun that poured through the window. I caressed her soft cheek.

"You know you're so beautiful, right?"

"I mean you never fail to remind me." She joked.

"And you know I love you."

"Of course I do. Come here." She wrapped her skinny arms around me and pulled me closer,I rested my head against her warm chest. "I love you too." I smiled as I felt the vibrations of her soft voice.

The static of the record player brought me back to the dark reality. My body was numb, my heartbeat was barely there, slowly giving up as the medication slowly took over.

"It was my fault anyway." I mumbled to myself.

I took one last deep breath before drifting off into a deep sleep.

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Peace of mind,I guess.