Akatsuki Orphan

Epilogue

Me: I AM SO SORRY!

Sam: WHY DO YOU PROMISE THINGS YOU CAN'T DELIVER?!

Me: I DON'T KNOW!

Sasuke: Will you two idiots shut the h*ll up?!

Me: I hate you so much.

Sam: That's not a clever insult at all.

Itachi: Manga is losing her touch.

Me: Yes I am.

Sam: Not even a comeback to that...no...this can't mean-

Me: Oh, but it does.

Sam: D*MM*T!

Sasuke: What did I just say?!

Me: You didn't say anything, you asked a question to which the answer is no. Which is also the answer literally every girl will give you when you try to pop the question.

Sasuke: Okay, first of all-

Me: Don't care. Anyway, yes, this is it. The final chapter.

Sasuke: I'll go buy the celebratory champagne.

Me: This is not the time to celebrate you coming out.

Sasuke: MOTHER F*CK-

Itachi: Ignoring the argument that will ensue, thank you all for sticking to the storyline.

Me: He says to the crickets.

Sam: Stahp.

Me:  Nah.

Sasuke: Since this is the final chapter, I have the right to say something.

Me: Fine...but only because I need a good laugh.

Sasuke: As much as you annoy me, because you f*cking suck, you have the potential to be better. If you give up now, it'll be a waste.

Sam: ...

Itachi: ...

Me: ...how much money did Sam pay you to say that?

Sasuke: This is why I hate you *walks away*.

Me: Well then...enjoy the last update. I still don't own the Naruto franchise, sadly enough.

Itachi: Masashi Kishimoto created us.

Sam: You're real to me.

Me: That's what I tell the empty space where my heart is supposed to reside.

**********************************************************

*Tukiko pov*

I remember mom telling me that people can change in just a day depending on what events transpired in that time. Dad told me that sometimes all it takes is an hour. In either case, I was taught that change is natural. It is how you change that defines you, what characteristic you dispose of and what characteristic you adopt to replace it. Will you replace kindness for confidence? Weakness for strength? Ignorance for knowledge? Innocence for power? Would you turn from those who accepted you to stay with those who gave you a place to call home? What if that meant having to one day kill those people you once called friends? Would you care?

Two years ago, this would have been a difficult decision for me to make. At that age I wanted to keep everyone in my life. Still obsessed with the idea that I could keep my childhood and my future in my life, I became greedy. Abandoned the original mission to see if I really did have a chance at finding my true family, the one that had abandoned me all those years ago. The pathetic thing about it? It was a f**king trap. That snake b*st*rd led me away from the orders I was given. That impulsive attitude of mine always had screwed me over in the past, but that time it really came to bite me in the a**.

Shinako was pregnant and I knew what this mission meant to her. Her fist mission to prove she was capable of more than just being in my shadow. She accepted without complaint giving up years of her life, and the only thing I had to do was obey the f**king rules and have fun with my childhood friends. Manipulative, yes, but I would have been fine with it later on. I let my parents down. Hidan-nii and Tobi-nii were both p*ssed off at me...they wouldn't talk to me for months after that. Shinako...when her twins were born I wasn't allowed to see them. Shinako said that if the people who left me were more important to me than her, she didn't want me in her new life.

Just like that, she left. With Hidan-nii. That was two years ago. I haven't heard from them since. Tobi-nii stayed, but he only talks to me if mom or dad has a mission for me to go on. Aside from that, he makes it clear that he doesn't want anything to do with me. He blames me for everything. The worst part of it is that it really is my fault. Everything happened because I became greedy. Kakuzu-nii at least has the decency to not let his greed affect our goals. I thought of myself above everyone else.

Of course, I still blame that snake b*st*rd as well. When I find him, I'll rip his miserable guts out. I heard he has Sasuke with him now, and I'm not sure if Sasuke still thinks we're on friendly terms. To me, the only people I refuse to hurt now are those in the Akatsuki...even Shinako and Hidan-nii. Anyone who sides with the snake b*st*rd is in my way. I'll also take them down without batting an eye.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Hakai asked, peering over my shoulder.

Oh, Hakai replaced Shinako as my partner. Elena also ended up leaving because she did not want to burden Hakai. I know that Hakai acts strong, but she really isn't. Sometimes, whenever I felt broken enough, I would sit outside of her door and just listen to her sob. I haven't cried in such a long time...I'm really jealous that she has the ability to still care. To be honest, I'm jealous that she has earned that right. Hakai didn't do anything wrong, so crying is a right for her. I want that.

"Mmm...dunno. I figured maybe this time-"

"Maybe this time they might write back?" Hakai interrupted, stealing the paper that I had been using to write a letter to Shinako on.

"...I miss her..."

"Tukiko, you've sent 85 letters these past two years, how many has Shinako sent?"

"One.

"What did it say?"  Hakai's tone was barely above a whisper. I didn't even respond. I just pulled out the paper that Shinako had sent to me so long ago. I have reread more than fifty times because it is the last thing that she has ever given me, but no matter how many times I read it, the message never changes.

Dear Tukiko,
Please stop. Hidan and I have two kids to raise now. We want to start over and finally be proud of something we do for once. Your letters just remind us of the past. Please, if you really do care about me, stop sending these letters. Words won't change anything.
Sincerely,
Shinako

"Tukiko, you need to move on. It will only hurt more if you continue to do this. Please, just move on," Hakai crumbled up the note I had written and tossed it in the waste basket that I kept beside my door. I suppose two years ago I would have been angry, but the only thing I felt now was ashamed. She was right, but I wanted everything to be reachable again. I wanted to have everything all at once just one more time.

"Hakai, you don't get it. You didn't f**k up so bad that it split the organization. You didn't jeopardize a mission for your own selfish desires, you didn't do a single d*mn thing wrong! Everything is my fault, and I can't fix it! I have tried every-f**ing-thing I could think of, but nothing...nothing worked. Why...why am I the way that I am? I was given another chance at a family, and all I had to do was choose them over people who never once went looking for me when I left. Why is it so hard for me to be satisfied with what I have?" I ranted.

If Hakai was going to reply, she never got the chance. At that moment, there was a knock on the already-open door.

"Why the h*ll are you knocking on a f**king open door?" I asked, staring at the idiotic blonde.

"I mean...I wanted to talk, but you seemed to be in a heated discussion, yeah. I was debating on closing the door and then knocking- "

"That's stupid, why would that idea even cross your mind?" Hakai asked.

"I don't know, common courtesy, un?"

"Common courtesy only applies if the door is already closed, you could have stood outside the door and just said 'hey, I wanna talk' or something like that," I told him.

"F**k, okay, un. I just wanted ask for a favor, but I'll just wait," Deidara mumbled, beginning to step out of the doorway.

"No, wait, what did you want to talk about, Deidara?" I asked, sighing as I slunk back down into my seat. Deidara paused, stepping back into the room. He looked me in the eye and calmly began to ask me his oh-so important question.

"Can I borrow a pair of your girliest panties, hmmm?"

"Get the f**k out of my room you drag queen."

"Yeah, Deidara, you know that you're a** is way bigger than Tukiko's."

"They aren't for me to wear!" Deidara hissed, glaring at Hakai. I couldn't help but smile. Bickering, picking on each other...it was as if there was nothing wrong.

"Did you have another sl*t over?" I asked. Deidara smirked, crossing his hands over his chest.

"Jealous, hmm?"

"Oh, barf. I have a pair I haven't used yet. They aren't exactly 'fashionable,' but that's your problem. Here," I tossed the pair to Deidara and he caught it, "I feel the need to remind you that dad will be super p*ssed when he finds out that you brought yet another girl to the base to f*ck. Hope you can deal with the consequences."

"Thanks for the heads up, un. Cover for me if he asks?" Deidara pleaded, looking straight at me. I smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, I've got your back."

"You're the best, un!" Deidara said, leaving my room.

"I am still surprised he isn't gay," Hakai remarked, looking at where Deidara had once been.
"Honestly, as much as I tease him, the only thing girly about Deidara is his hairstyle. I wish he would cut it. I'm not really a fan of long hair on boys," I replied. Hakai blushed, looking to the side.

"I don't know, I think some people pull off the long hairstyle well."

"You're talking about Itachi, right?"

"You know what, I think that I heard my name being called just now. When you want to talk more, come find me. In the meantime, just try to be happy, okay?" Hakai smiled at me before patting my head and walking out of my room, closing the door behind her.

The smile that had been on my face now disappeared. It seemed as if my room got darker with Hakai's absence. I suppose I could go bother Sasori, but he would most likely be busy with his puppets. Mom was on a mission and dad was doing paperwork. When I bothered him last time he was really p*ssed off and told me that he didn't want me in the room when he was working. I think that he didn't trust me with whatever information was on the papers he was working on. I can't say I blamed him.

It's not as if I have never been on another mission since the one I f*cked up when I was twelve or whatever. It's just that those missions were meaningless and busywork. Stuff that only required me to be gone for so many hours, maybe one or two days if I was lucky. Hakai would always have to accompany me if I ever went on those missions. Everyone else was able to go on lengthy missions for up to months at a time. Even Hakai and Elena went on a mission that lasted a year...but only Hakai came back. She didn't comment about Elena and we never asked.

I was never very close to Elena, but I knew that Hakai had been with her for a while before joining the Akatsuki. It's been a little under a year since Elena was here, but Hakai had yet to show any signs that she was affected by it. I always wondered how Hakai could be perfectly fine when someone in her life was no longer there. I guess it's easy for her to tell me to move on from Shinako when she could move on from Elena so quickly.

Ignoring my never-ending thoughts, I reached under my desk, tearing off the key that I had taped there. The key in hand, I got up and walked over to my bed, getting down on my knees. I extended my free hand underneath my bed until I finally grasped the box that I was searching for. Pulling it out, I unlocked it and opened the box, peering down at the rocks that I had collected over the past few years. Some were shiny, some were minerals, others jagged and dirty. Carefully, I removed each one until the paper they rested on was bare.

I turned to look back towards my door, making sure it was closed. I glanced at my box, tempted to remove the paper. I had to be patient. First, I needed to lock my door. I laid down my box before walking towards the door, pausing once I reached it. Pressing my ear against the wooden frame, I strained to hear any footsteps near my room. Content with the silence, I locked the door handle, returning once more to my box.

Peering at the blank piece of paper, I reached down to remove it. I smiled when I saw the object of my desire. I had stolen it when no one else was at the base, when everyone was too busy to notice anything missing. I knew it wouldn't be missed. We had so many of them in the house, nobody would notice one of them out of place. Carefully moving my hand towards the box, I picked up the knife.

It was so dull compared to my kunai collection, but that's the point in doing it with a knife. Scars are to be expected from training and fighting battles, so it's easy to lie. The only problem is that I am not involved in many battles since I do not go on many missions, so that only leaves training. Even then, the scars are always in the same places. I was almost caught once, but I lied to dad and told him that I wasn't training hard enough. He scolded me for that instead.

When I started using the knife, however, it was different. I have always ventured out of the hideout, it got boring staying in the same place day after day. The only problem is that I was only allowed to go so far on my own, and the only place I was permitted to go to that had people was this village that was not too close to our base.

Only ninjas have kunai and the closest village to our current hideout consists of mainly common villagers who depend on other village's ninjas to protect them. The likelihood of being attacked with a kunai there was very slim. In contrast, everyone in the village owns a knife. Pretending to have been attacked by one of the villagers when I feel a particular need to hurt is easy enough. It's best when I cannot describe my attacker by giving vague descriptions of what "happened." 

Nobody got hurt this way.

Everyone worried less.

​No one suspected anything. 

​I'm fine.

​I have always been fine.

​I deserve this.

​In the end, it is all my fault.

​I closed my eyes before the tears would get in the way. Someone would come to check in on me in about ten minutes. That meant I had five minutes to let loose, two minutes to allow the blood to fall onto the towels I hid under my mattress, two minutes to find my Akatsuki robe to hide everything, and one minute to put everything back into place.

​I opened my eyes once more as I placed the knife on my wrist. I let out a shaky breath as I began my punishment.

*************************************************************************

*Hakai pov*

"I feel bad for Tukiko. She wanted to find the remainder of her original sh*tty family, and when she realized her mistake, it was too late. Everyone already caught on that the whole thing with staying in Konoha was just a ruse and nobody trusted her anymore. Even if they did, your little brother left with the snake freak and the Nine-tailed fox kid went to train with the author of the porn books. She failed her first mission because she was confused and selfish, but h*ll, what twelve-year old isn't selfish?" I sighed, looking amongst the books. I still couldn't find the title I was looking for, and I didn't want to ask Itachi for help.

"I think that you are misplacing your feelings," Itachi responded.

I sighed. I knew what he was talking about. Still, I would rather play stupid than to actually face my problems head on. Fake a smile, make a joke, focus on someone else's struggle, etc. I've always been like this. In this particular situation, a joke would be inappropriate, so looking at Tukiko's situation would be a better idea.

"No, I just feel for her. I don't think she realizes that she is the only one who is still blaming herself. Well, besides...those people...but who cares about them? I still can't believe that she wrote all those letters to Shinako and she only ever sent one back. The worst part is that the letter she sent back was hurtful and basically accused Tukiko of intentionally disturbing Shinako's 'great' new life. What kind of a friend does that?" I ranted.

"Hakai, what happened with Elena?" Itachi asked. I paused in what I was doing, lowering my hand from the book it was hovering over.

Itachi was the only one who ever bothered to ask me about Elena. Shinako and Hidan were already long gone before I had gone on that mission, Konan and leader already knew what had happened, and everyone else decided that it would be best to not ask me. Everyone except for Itachi. Itachi was f*cking nosy about it. I would normally just change the subject, finding it best to avoid the actual truth.

"Tukiko must be really hurt right now. Someone that had been her best friend when she was young, being okay leaving her one day for someone else," I continued.

"Hakai, please."

"I mean, to be honest, Shinako has never been the friend that Tukiko needs. She was always judging Tukiko's actions. As if Shinako was such a f*cking saint. Like, h*ll, I do stupid sh*t all the time, but I own up to it."

"Hakai, listen to me."

"What is it about age and happiness? Why do they contrast each other so much? The people you grew up around change and you realize they aren't as good as you originally thought they were."

"Hakai."

"Seriously, it's ridiculous. Tukiko is Tukiko. She's not perfect, but she doesn't deserve to constantly have someone pointing out her flaws. No wonder she is so d*mn insecure- "

Before I could continue talking, Itachi lightly grasped me and spun me around so that I was forced to look at him. The intense gaze of his eyes made me realize that there was no way out of telling the truth. Sighing, I averted my eyes as I revealed what happened after I went away with Elena on the one year mission.

"The first week during that mission that Elena and I were assigned passed normally. We did the standard research, blended in with the other villagers, stuff like that. Then...well, the second week into the mission Elena started acting weird. Like, she was conflicted with her assignment because she was kind of fascinated with the blonde jinchuriki kid. I tried to talk her out of it, but she ended up packing and leaving one night when I was asleep. I tried following her chakra signature, but it was too faint to pick up anything. After seven months of searching for Elena, I found her.

"I approached her, planning on screaming at her, but she pretended she didn't know who I was. She didn't even know her own name. Said she adopted the name Lucille. I slipped some truth serum into her tea when I sat down to talk with her, but she was telling the truth. I don't know what the h*ll happened, but she forgot everything about her past. Despite the fact that she had no recollection of anything, she seemed content with her new life. I didn't want to take her away from the life she established in that village. She seemed happier than I had ever seen her before, and I've known her for years...at least, I thought I did. Anyway, I spent the next three months finishing up the mission we were assigned, gathered up all of the research I collected, and then found a secluded place to be by myself for the next three weeks.

"When I returned to the base, everything seemed just as I had left it. I felt torn between feeling relieved and confused. On one hand, I was thankful that nobody asked me about Elena because I was ashamed to admit that I just left her there. On the other hand, I was confused about how I could return without a member and not be questioned about it. Still, after explaining the situation to leader, he was just thankful that she didn't remember us or our goals. He even made me swear that I had made sure that she remembered nothing.

"After that, everything returned to normal. Well, as normal as a place inhabiting the most wanted ninjas in the entire land can be, at least. I was just hoping that with my arrival, I would find everyone in a more enjoyable mood. It's amazing what one mistake can do to an entire group of people, especially a mistake made by someone so young years ago," I finished my explanation, turning to look at Itachi.

He let a moment pass before releasing his grip on me, stepping away. It was quiet for a moment as we just stared at each other, but I broke the awkwardness by returning to my quest to find the book I was searching for. This time, Itachi did not try to strike up a conversation. I had to glimpse at him every now and then just to make sure that he was still in the room. After five more minutes of looking, I finally found what the book.

"Finally!" I exclaimed, taking the book out of its place on the shelf. Smiling victoriously, I presented it to Itachi. He stared at me before carefully removing it from my grasp.

"Twenty-Seven Beautiful Wedding Gowns? Hakai we have been dating for four months. Give me time, woman."

"What? No! The actual book itself isn't important. It's what's inside. I know that you're a nerd who likes poetry."

"You know, people who like poetry are not automatically nerds. The poetic structure is a form of art in itself-"

"Yeah, yeah. Don't talk to loudly or else the artistic duo will hear you and try to debate that. Anyway, I wrote some poetry during one of the points in my life when I fell in love. Most of the poems I wrote are stashed away somewhere else or burned...don't ask. Anyway, I told you that I fell in love more than five times, right? Well, the first guy I fell in love with the first three times was-"

"An a**."

"Well, yeah, but that's not what I was going to say. That guy intentionally used me because he knew about my feelings and he knew how to manipulate them. I stopped being swayed after three years of chasing after him. It's not that I stopped loving him, but I was embarrassed by falling for the same thing over and over again. Regardless of my lack of self-respect at the time, I knew I was better than that. So, I left that area.

"Coincidentally, the new area I moved to was where I met Elena. We became friends instantly after she helped me assist in arson."

"Wait," Itachi interrupted, "Why were you committing arson?"

"I honestly have no idea," I shrugged.

This was not a lie, I seriously cannot remember why I decided to burn that place down. I cannot even recall how many places I have burned down over the years, it's kind of sad. I should be making a mental note so that I can shoot for the world record.

"I feel like this would be an appropriate time to talk about your pyromaniac tendencies," Itachi said, staring at me with his emotionless expression. I rolled my eyes.

"I am insulted that you find a problem with my lifestyle. Ignoring your needless worrying, I met Elena there. I also met the second guy, my fourth time falling in love, there. He actually isn't an a**hole; he was a very sweet guy who was just naturally nice to everyone. I followed him around everywhere because of how nice he treated me, especially in comparison to the first guy I liked. After a while, Elena told me to confront him and tell him about my feelings. When I did, his normal serene expression changed into a somber one. He struggled to nicely put me down...said that he actually thought of me as a sister.

"This sounds really idiotic, but that hurt more than the first three times because he didn't lead me on. Truth be told, he felt worse about it than I did. He kept trying to apologize, which made it worse. He still tried to be nice after rejecting me. Eventually, Elena and I moved to a different village because we both wanted a change of pace. After a few months in the village, I saw this one guy in a bar. He wasn't exactly the nicest person, but he had an amazing amount of confidence. Hilariously enough, he was the one to ask me out, and I accepted.

"The first few weeks in the relationship were okay. He wasn't exactly someone special that you would boast about to friends. He smoked, gambled, and drank an excessive amount. The three biggest addictions. Not that there is anything wrong with having a good beer every now and then...it's just when you make an addiction out of it. It gets pathetic when you let something control your life. I don't know what I was expecting out of someone I met at a place that invented 'one night stands,' but I can't change what happened.

"When more time passed in our relationship, I noticed even more things about him. Terrible personality flaws. Major problems, stuff like that. For someone who was okay letting his girlfriend know that he had an alcoholic, gambling, and smoking addiction, he kept a lot of secrets. He would be out until two or three in the morning, always sober. If I ever asked where he was, he would end up yelling at me before storming away to crash on the couch for the next eight hours. When he woke up he would drink, smoke, gamble, eat, take a nap, and then leave sober. That's all he ever did. One night I followed him just to see what he was up to, and I found him with another woman.

"I wasn't really surprised as much as I was p*ssed. This guy screamed 'issues,' yet I still dated him. I think what hurt the most is that he showed the worst side to me so that he could show his best side to the other girl. Other girl...that's actually inaccurate. I'm pretty sure I was the other girl and she was the main one. Needless to say, I torched his house down, took Elena, and left town," I continued, leaning against the bookshelf. Itachi once more interrupted with a question.

"Wait, Elena didn't live with you?"

"Well, no. She had a friend there that she wanted to stay with instead, so I was actually mooching off of them before I met that guy. I honestly think that was one of the factors in my decision to date him."

"One thing I don't understand about this how you fell in love with him. Dating and falling in love are two different things."

"I know, but I fell in love with the idea, I guess. Not everything about him, obviously. He had problems. I mean, I have problems too, but not 'f*ck another guy while I'm dating someone' problems. I fell in love with how he first presented himself. I am drawn to confident people, Itachi. They have something that I wish I had myself. Other than that, I think I genuinely hated him. Don't know why I stayed. Maybe I was just scared to admit that I failed once again in a relationship."

"That relationship wasn't your fault, Hakai. The only thing you did wrong was stay," Itachi's voice was full of emotion, something only common when he was serious. I smiled sadly back at him.

"Itachi, you are my current boyfriend. Before we started dating we were kinda friends who lived together. You of all people know how difficult I can be. The only reason that people keep me around is because of how f*cking awesome, hilarious, and humble I am," I joked.

"Oh, you are very humble. Your picture is in the dictionary under the word 'humble' for those that can't read."

"Aw, thanks Itachi."

"The sarcasm dictionary."

"Correction, f*ck you Itachi. I'm going to continue before you interrupt me with another question. The sixth time I fell in love happened in another village. Elena didn't follow me to this village yet because she still wanted to stay with her friend. I don't know what was going on with her, but I think she might have been going through a tough time. She never told me if she was, and I'm not good at reading people, but looking back on it, Elena isn't exactly the best at placing her emotions on the table for those who she isn't the closest too. Opinions are different...anything controversial ended up being a big debate-"

"Hakai, I love you and I think everything you say is important, but I really don't care about Elena," Itachi interrupted, still clutching the book.

"Okay. I'm trying to take you seriously with that book in your hand. Moving on, met that one in a library. Long story short, we dated a few days and then he told me that my personality wasn't the best and he was afraid of me. I took it as a compliment and stayed in the village because that relationship had not ended badly," I recalled, Itachi once more interrupting me.

"Did you not run into him while staying there after that?"

"Itachi, stop interrupting. Also, no he tried his best to avoid me. I really scared him sh*tless. I wonder what drove him away."

"I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that you created arson across the land."

"I know, that's a good quality to have. Moving on, number seven was also at this village. This one wasn't a pansy, so my personality didn't drive him off. Actually, we dated for a long time. By that I mean we approached a year before he broke up with me. Apparently, he was beginning to fall in love with me, and he was afraid of commitment. He thought that our relationship was originally just supposed to be fun, but when it got serious he became scared. What p*ssed me off about that was the fact that he never bothered to tell me that he originally wasn't serious about his intentions.

"Before you interrupt me, no, I didn't burn his house down. I didn't damage any of his possessions, I didn't cuss him out, and I didn't beg him to reconsider. I was honestly just done with everything. Done with relationships, done with depending on others for emotional support, and done with living around people who didn't bother to try to know me. So, I visited Elena and asked if she wanted to travel with me or if she wanted to stay with her friend. She decided to go with me. After some time, that's when we met you guys and joined the organization," I finished, letting out a shaky breath.

It wasn't exactly my full backstory, but it did explain my relationship struggles. To some extent, it also explained my friendship with Elena. Or Lucille. Whatever she goes by now. I don't really regret leaving her behind, she looked happier and I doubt reminding her of who she used to be would have been a better life. She has a chance to live a different life without lying about who she really is. Whether or not she'll fall back into bad tendencies is solely up to her. Right now, I want to focus on where I am currently.

****************************************************************

*Itachi pov*

For such a carefree girl who seemed to enjoy joking around, Hakai carried around a trail of sad stories. She usually makes more jokes in our conversations, but I should be thankful she made the few that she did. There is most likely more to her story than she lets on, but getting this much out of her took me months...technically speaking, years. The subject of Elena was easier to get her to talk about. The boys were different. Every time I had confronted her about them in the past, she would grow silent or say that it wasn't important.

"Hakai, are you embarrassed to talk about your past loves with me?" I asked, trying not to tease her. Her face turned crimson as she pointed to the book she handed me.

"Just open the d*mn book and read the poems," Hakai grumbled.

Making a mental note to bring up the subject after reading her poems, I proceeded to open the book. When I did so, a page fell out of the book, but I caught it before it fell to the ground. I opened it up to find out that it was actually two pages. Two different poems that Hakai wrote.  I looked up, hoping to catch her eye so that I could ask who she was dating when she wrote these poems, but she was purposefully averting her eyes. Instead of bothering her, I began to read the first poem.

At first glance, you had my heart
Held it in your hands, tore it apart
Yet I still came back for more
You were the only one that I would adore

When you needed help you would turn to me
At those times, my heart filled with glee
When I found out that you were just playing games
The tears fell down, and I filled with shame

Still, I loved you more than all the riches in the land
But your rejections hurt more than I could ever stand
Instead of staying to be used up and left to die
I decided to give love another try

Each time I tried to find love, I would fail
My once red heart had now turned pale
Eventually I gave up and once more
I found myself slamming love's door

Years passed on and my tears grew dry
Unrequited love could no longer force me to cry
I turned my nose on all of love's advances
I had already given it too many chances

Then one day I met a man with unique eyes
Through them he could see behind my disguise
Though he flirted he also showed his loving care
He explained that love is an emotion both people share

He accepted me with all of my flaws
He was okay that I didn't obey all the laws
His unique eyes and sly smile won over my heart
Now with him my new life can start

I felt my face heat up. I had an assumption of who 'the man with unique eyes' was. Too embarrassed to say anything just yet, I proceeded to read the other poem that she wrote.

A dash of sugar and a pinch of salt
F*ck I spilled the bottle of salt, sh*t
I'll just say it was the recipe's fault
I'm sure these sugar cookies will be a big hit

The recipe calls for baking powder and flour
Oh, I'm out of baking powder...well, I'm sure baking soda will do
D*mn, I hope these don't turn out sour
I bet everyone else sucks at baking too

Now it's time to place the cookies in the oven
Wait... three hundred seventy-five degrees for twelve minutes long
Holy sh*t, that's about half an hour for two dozen
These instructions have to be wrong

Let's just turn the heat up to full blast
Keep them in the oven for only five minutes max
I'm sure that they'll cook fast
I just hope they don't have cracks

Wow, holy h*ll these all got burned
The oven is also on fire
Well, I guess this is one lesson learned
Whoever said baking is easy is a liar

I paused after reading the second poem. Although it appears to be light-hearted and humorous at first glance, there is also a somewhat deeper meaning in between the lines. "Spilling the salt" could mean that she showed too much of her negative side, "blaming the recipe" could be either be the expectations that go along with dating or the relationship itself, "baking soda instead of baking powder" could possibly be having to make do with the personality or situation that you have instead of what you want, "everyone else sucks at baking" most likely insinuates that nobody has a perfect relationship, and "placing the cookies in the oven" must be taking the relationship to a more serious level.

This level could insinuate intimacy, children, or possibly marriage. "Twelve minutes at a specific temperature" can be linked to the time and pace that it takes a relationship to thrive. Most relationships take time to blossom into a meaningful one. "Turn the heat up to full blast at only five minutes max" contradicts what someone should do in a relationship and insinuates that the poet does not want to wait a long time at a slow pace to be close to his/her lover. The end result with the "cookies burnt, oven on fire, and baking not being easy" sum up what happened in the old relationship, showing that it ended badly with the "oven," symbolizing love perhaps, breaking down and the poet learning that relationships are never easy to maintain.

"Hakai, these are both beautiful. I am flattered by your first one. To know that I am the reason for your trust in love once more makes me happy. However...I adore your second poem. I greatly appreciate the symbolism that is in place throughout it," I smiled at her, expecting her to boast about her writing style. Instead, she stared back at me with a confused expression.

"Dude, that last one I wrote after Konan wanted me to bake my own d*mn cookies. Were you not here for that?" Hakai asked. I resisted the urge to shake my head.

Why do I always overanalyze things?

************************************************************************

*Deidara pov*

"Visit me?" the curvy-haired woman begged, a playful smile dancing upon her lips. I smiled in return.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you're just a one night stand, un," I replied.

A p*ssed look upon her face, she turned to slap me, but I caught her hand in time, pushed her away, and quickly left. No need to start a fight I know I would win. Besides, she has the right to be angry. I used her for sex and showed no remorse for doing so. Not that I care. Truth be told, I couldn't care any less for what happens to the woman from this point. I got what I wanted.

After about fifteen minutes, I found myself back at the base. Leader had assigned Sasori and I a mission a couple of days ago, so I doubt he would give us another one so soon. Although, I wouldn't be surprised if he did. Still, if I could just avoid Konan, leader, and Sasori, then I could avoid having work. The perfect place to avoid them is actually in the woods, but it gets boring there if you don't have someone to annoy.

Keeping this in mind, I decided to pay a quick visit to Tukiko. We're pretty close, so it wouldn't be terrible to be near here. I just hope she isn't in one of her depressive states. Usually she is always negative, but she has days where the negativity can either be endearingly hilarious or painfully depressing. Either way, I don't really want to hang out with anyone else, so she's the best option.

I began to head toward her doorway, noticing how empty the hallway was. Itachi was with Hakai, Tobi and Zetsu were currently on a mission, Konan was with leader helping with paperwork, Sasori was making dolls, and Kisame was most likely getting drunk. What's odd is that sometimes at least one person will walk down the hallway at this time to alert Tukiko that we were still here. Konan isn't too sure, but she suspects Tukiko has a fear of us abandoning her when she least expects it. Just in case, we walk along the hallway, checking in on her every so many hours.

When I reached her doorway, I paused. There was no noise coming from her bedroom. That wasn't necessarily unusual; sometimes Tukiko had a habit of just staring off into space for long periods of time. Sometimes she wouldn't hear us calling her name when she was like that. Still, I wanted to hang out with her for a bit, so I would have to chance her being a bit out-of-it. Raising my hand to the door, I knocked three times, making sure it was loud enough for her to hear.

A moment passed before she answered the door, opening only partially. When she saw that it was me, she sighed and shut the door again. Before I could comment, she reopened the door, making it wide enough for me to enter.

"Oh, un. I actually wanted to know if you wanted to get out of the house with me. I'm going to stay in the forest for a while. Trying to avoid being sent out on another mission, you know, just in case, yeah," I said. Tukiko stared at me before shrugging.

"Yeah. I don't really have anything better to do right now, I'll go with you. Do I need anything?" Tukiko asked.

"No, hmmm. We won't be there for long. You also don't have to stay there the entire time, I just want some company for the time being," I explained. Tukiko nodded, closing the door behind her.

As we began to walk towards the woods, I struggled to talk to her. It's not because we used to date...I was past that. Kind of. Well, I was at least not p*ssed still.

Okay, I'm still a little p*ssed.

Still, it happened a long time ago. We live in the same house. Holding a grudge over something like that would make living together unbearable. I f*cking hate the Uchiha b*st*rd, I don't need to make an enemy out of Tukiko.

Chancing a glance at Tukiko, I saw that she appeared disinterested in what we were doing. This wasn't different from how she normally approached things in life. The girl that I had originally fallen in love with was the complete opposite of the girl who I was staring at. It's hard to not be p*ssed at what happened. It would have been easier to accept the events that transpired had Tukiko never changed. Then there would have still been a sliver of hope.

Although I would never admit it out loud, when Tukiko had abandoned the mission, I was actually happy. I was glad that she would be returning to the base sooner than later because I thought it would allow us to reconcile after talking about her feelings and that sh*t. I know I'm not the only one who was glad; Sasori would also never admit it, but the prospect of having her safe at the base made him happy as well.

However, Tukiko never came back home. Not my Tukiko, at least. Instead, the one that came back was a quiet, insecure version of Tukiko. I had hoped that it would be a phase, but she stayed that way, progressively growing more negative over the years. Konan and leader constantly worry about her, but they still have the organization to run, so they can't look after her anymore. Logically speaking, she's old enough to look after herself. Emotionally speaking, however, she isn't stable enough to take care of herself.

"What are we going to do in the forest, anyway? Train? Climb trees? Other sh*t?" Tukiko's quiet voice brought me back to reality.

"Hm? Oh, I have no f*cking clue. I guess, whatever you want to do, yeah."

Once more it was quiet, neither of us speaking as we exited the base and headed towards the forest. Once we reached our destination, I looked around us. Yup. Trees everywhere. How boring.

"So, did you bring me here to tell me your coming out story?" Tukiko smiled as she asked this. I flipped her off before responding.

"Still straight, un. I don't know what type of sh*t you're into, but try to leave me out of it."

" I love how you assume that the thought of you being screwed by another guy would turn me on."

"Wait, why am I the one being f*cked, un?"

"Deidara, you and I both know that you would be the submissive one."

"Like h*ll I would! I'm the dominant one in a relationship, yeah!"

"For someone who is straight, you're giving this way too much thought."

"You little b*tch, you set me up for that."

Instead of commenting, Tukiko smiled. Even though it's at my expense, I'm just glad she's still able to joke around and have fun. Although, I would prefer it to be at the Uchiha's expense or possibly Sasori's.

Feeling like we should probably be doing something to pass the time besides questioning my sexuality, which is still straight, I decided to pass the time by making a bird out of my clay to fly around the area with. Tukiko accompanied me and we made jokes as we passed over the random civilians.

"DEIDARA, YOU TWO-TIMING SL*T!"

I looked down, noticing one of my past one-night stands glaring up at me. Oh sh*t, I forgot she lived here. Well, it was too late to ignore her, I had already given her my attention. Smirking, I flipped her off as we began to fly to a different area.

"How was that?" Tukiko asked, staring behind us.

"One of my past flings, un."

"Do you even remember her name?"

"Why would I care about their names?"

*one hour later*

When we came back to the woods, I noticed that Tukiko seemed to be in a better mood. Whatever she had been thinking about prior to this seemed to have left her mind. I'm sure it would return soon, but for now she appeared happy.

"I can't believe how many one-night stands you've had. I mean, I knew it was a lot, but d*mn, Deidara. It's like every girl in every village near us hates your guts," Tukiko laughed, and I joined her.

"Yeah, un. Kind of hoping we'll move to another base soon so that I can leave them behind. You should use this advantage to get you some action, virgin, un," I joked. Tukiko shook her head.

"I'm good, thanks. Besides, even one-night stands bring emotional baggage. I don't want to deal with that sh*t. Also pretty sure no one else would want to screw me without a couple of beers first," Tukiko smiled as she said this, but it p*ssed me off. I could tell she wasn't joking anymore.

Sure, Tukiko made a lot of self-deprecation jokes, some of them hilarious, but it was easy to tell when she was actually being serious. At least, to me it was easy.

"That's not true, yeah. A lot of people would love to be in a relationship with you, let alone a one-night stand. Don't tell Sasori or leader than I'm telling you this, please. You're actually old enough to seriously make these decisions, and I really don't want to get the sh*t beat out of me for encouraging it."

"I mean, thanks, but we both know that I'm pretty unbearable. Like, if someone would look up the word 'insufferable' in the dictionary, they would see my picture. No definition would be given in words, just my picture. People would then understand everything."

Now officially p*ssed off, I spoke without thinking.

*******************************************************************

*Tukiko pov*

"What the h*ll is wrong with you, un?" Deidara asked, an annoyed expression displayed on his face. What the f**k was his problem?

"Aside from being literally the human form of garbage, nothing. Thanks for asking, blondie," I retorted, not exactly in the mood to argue with him. It's better to just degrade myself, let him hear what he wants. It's easier this way, and it's not like I'm lying.

"Shut up. Ever since Shinako left you've been acting so pathetic, so quiet, so...so...not you, yeah. The girl that I fell in love with was annoyingly outgoing, she never shut up, she didn't let people walk over her, she did what she wanted to do-" Deidara ranted on before I cut him off. He was listing off everything I hated about the me from a few years ago.

"Oh, cut the bullsh*t, Deidara. Fell in love? Love doesn't even exist, so don't act like you can pull that card out on me and expect me to be all 'oh, he's right' or anything. I don't know whatever the h*ll you did feel about me, but it sure as f**k wasn't 'love.' Oh, and another thing, those characteristics that you listed off are what caused Shinako and Hidan to leave. Tobi won't even talk to me, I'm not allowed to leave the base anymore because mom and dad don't think I'm 'stable' enough, whatever the f**k that even means, and literally everyone has treated me differently. I'm still getting sh*tty looks from half of the people in our organization."

"First of all, don't f**king tell me what I felt. You don't have control over my emotions, hmmm. I don't give a d*mn about what you think is real or not, I felt what I felt. Obviously, I don't feel it anymore, but I did feel it at one point in time, un. It's not my fault that you decided to be a little sl*t."

"Go f**k yourself, arsonist. I was f**king thirteen. How old were you, you pedophile?"

"It wasn't that big of an age gap, yeah! Why the h*ll do I even try talking to you anymore? It's been two f**king years and you still won't grow the h*ll up, un."

"Speak for yourself. You have temper tantrums every two minutes, and they usually involve a room in the base getting blown up. And you know, if you don't want to talk to me, you don't have to. Don't know if you've noticed, but that's what everyone's been doing lately. I don't care if you join them."

"Will you just stop the self-pitying for five minutes, yeah? I don't want to stop talking to you, you may be a b*tch, but I actually like hanging out with you. You know, aside from the moron, you're the only one that blames yourself for everything, un. It's been two years, we're still a little p*ssed, but we've all gotten over it. Besides, this way we can capture all of the jinchuriki hosts without remorse."

"Oh, I'm so glad. Deidara, you think that I'm over exaggerating everything, but think about it. When you came to the Akatsuki, I called everyone nii-san. I only call Itachi, Kisame, and Sasori that now. Everyone else has become so distant from me. Kakuzu was p*ssed at me because he said that I wasted an opportunity to earn a lot of money and that I cost the group money by making Hidan and Shinako leave. Zetsu just stopped caring for whatever reason, Tobi hates me, and the best friend that I grew up with left me. Even she couldn't forgive me for jeopardizing the mission. The Akatsuki was literally my first family, the only people who accepted me, and I ruined it by looking for people who didn't even exist, and if they did they wouldn't have given a d*mn about me."

"Tukiko, if Shinako was really that great of a friend, she would have forgiven you for what you did, hmmm. Look at Hakai, Konan, leader-sama, Kisame...basically those people you mentioned. They didn't stop loving you just because you screwed up, yeah. I mean, our group is literally a group of f**k-ups who wither ostracized themselves or were ostracized by society for something that we did. Honestly, Shinako isn't any better, yeah."

"Deidara, watch what you say about her. She may hate me, but that doesn't mean I hate her."

"See, un. That makes me jealous. I hate admitting that I'm jealous of someone who chose HIDAN over YOU, hmm. I will ALWAYS prefer you to Hidan of all people. Yet you don't bother writing me 86 f**king letters, un. No, you avoid me instead and whenever we talk you act all awkward because you can't get over what you've done before, un."

"I am so confused, you called me a sl*t and told me you were over me-"

"This might come off as a surprise, but I have this special ability of mine that allows me to not tell the truth. It's a special ability I developed when I set my first bomb off and my mom asked if I was the one who blew the house up, yeah. It's called lying. I lied about being over it. I'm still p*ssed because I have some feelings for you left, un."

"I feel like we should talk about you blowing your house up when you were a kid."

"I am telling you that I still have feelings for you, that should be what stands out, un."

"Yeah, and I want to talk about that, but you blowing your house up when you were a kid explains so many things-"

"Tukiko! I love you, yeah! Focus on that! I am admitting that I never officially got over you, un!"

"Deidara, what the h*ll do you want me to say? You have sex with any girl that takes an interest in you. I KISSED ONE BOY. That doesn't mean I'm into that stuff."

"Here's the difference, we weren't dating while I'm f**king these girls."

"Oh for-See? This is another reason we can't date. You would always bring this up. Literally, I know you. I would literally not be able to go anywhere without a collar that says 'property of Deidara' on it."

"I mean, if you're okay with that..."

"Deidara. Seriously? How the h*ll would that even play out?"

"Well, it's simple, yeah. You put the collar around your neck, and it stays there."

"Deidara, we both know I'm not going to do that. Even if I was okay with the idea, which I am totally not, what the h*ll would I say to other people?"

"Why would you be talking to other people, yeah?"

"We're done here. Thanks for the conversation, but I kind of need to be alone right now. I'm just not feeling the best," I said, taking a step back. Deidara, his face now serious, took a step towards me, reaching out his hand.

"Wait, Tukiko. I really do love you, yeah. However...I am not in love with the you that you have become. That annoying, loud, happy twelve-year old made my heart race, un. But-" Deidara began. I cut him off, knowing what he was going to say.

"Yeah, I get it. That twelve-year-old is gone. And the girl that replaced her is too different for you to pretend to still have feelings for," I finished. I thought he would just agree with me and that would be the end of it, but Deidara closed the gap between us, bringing me close as he rested his chin on my shoulder.

"The girl who replaced her may not be my type of romantic partner, yeah. But she is my ideal best friend. And that is why I love her, un" Deidara whispered. I wrapped my arms around Deidara, squeezing once before pulling him off of me.

"That makes one of us," I replied. With that I walked off, leaving him alone. He didn't follow me.

*****************************************************************

*Sasori pov*

After putting the finishing touches on my puppet, I laid my tools down, turning to look at the wooden clock I had to make myself because Kakuzu was a cheap a*sshole. I was mildly surprised to see that I had passed twelve hours working on my latest masterpiece. I had not even noticed that it was a new day.

Before I could think about what I wanted to do next, I heard a knock on my door. Usually when people seek my attention, I am working on a new puppet and easily get vexed at their disruption. Since I had just finished what I was working on, however, I saw no reason to be angry at my visitor. Unless it was the brat.

Getting up from my seat, I approached the door, opening it. When I saw that it was Tukiko, I became relived. It is rare that she comes to visit me anymore. Often, I will have to abandon my work to check up on her and have a conversation before returning to what I was doing. Although I am glad to see her approach me this time, that must mean that something is wrong.

"Tukiko, what's wrong? You look distressed."

"I'm sorry to bother you. I know how much you love working on your puppets, but I just really wanted to talk. I know that you aren't exactly chalk full of emotions, but I think that's good for right now. I need logic over emotions. Right now, I mean," Tukiko spoke at a quicker pace than normal, another sign that something was bothering her.

I stepped out of the way, allowing her to enter into my room. I closed the door, making my way back to my chair. Tukiko had already climbed onto my bed, sitting cross-legged. She looked at everything except for me.

"Tukiko, if you broke something, I won't be angry."

"What? No. I mean, well, if I broke anything, it isn't a material thing. If that even makes any sense. I don't want to bother you-"

"You aren't bothering me. I just finished with my latest puppet before you entered, so I really don't mind talking. Even if I wasn't finished, I would still not mind. I would prefer that you talk to me about your troubles instead of worrying about if I am busy with my art or not," I explained. This seemed to put her at ease, and she finally turned to look me in the eyes.

"I've noticed that people are starting to get angry at me making self-deprecation jokes. Deidara especially gets p*ssed off, and we literally just had a fight about it. Well, it was about more than that, but I don't want to go into it. Deidara isn't the only one, though. Hakai also hates that I do it, I can't make the jokes around mom or dad, and Itachi doesn't laugh at anything. The only one who doesn't mind me making them is Kisame, and he'll usually join me. Why does it bother everyone else?"

"Isn't it obvious? When you first started joking about insulting yourself, it was humorous. Over time, when it became apparent that you actually believed the jokes you were making, they stopped being humorous because they weren't jokes anymore, they were insults. Why would people who care about you want to hear you constantly insult yourself?"

"But Kisame-"

"Kisame just likes jokes. Anything that he finds even remotely funny, he will laugh at, regardless of if he agrees or not. Him also making jokes with you is most likely his own way of trying to help you realize you aren't anything how you are actually describing yourself. I cannot speak for Kisame, so do not assume that I am correct in my assumption."

Tukiko was silent for a moment before she once again spoke.

"It's not just the jokes, is it? I feel like everyone is starting to get angry with a lot of things I do," Tukiko refused to look at me, so I got up from my seat and sat down on the bed next to her. My sudden seating arrangement had grabbed her attention, and she was now staring at me.

"It's not just the jokes, it's also the self-harming."

When she heard me say this, her eyes became wide and she looked afraid. It was the same expression she wore as a child when she was caught doing something wrong. It had been a while since I've seen her use that expression. In the past, I would have to stifle a laugh, but this time the subject was serious. I couldn't find anything funny about it at all.

"How long have you known about it? Does...does anyone else know?" Tukiko asked the last question in a softer voice, glancing around the room.

"This isn't an intervention. There is no one else in the room. I have known ever since I found out that the mediocre kitchen knife was missing. I suppose that's been about two weeks. Of course, when I say that I have 'known' I really mean that I have suspected that was the case. I was hoping that my suspicions were wrong, but it appears I was correct. As for anyone else knowing, I can't really say, but I doubt it," I explained, hoping to calm her down. If anything, I think I made her even more upset.

"I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry. I didn't want anyone to find out," Tukiko whimpered.

"Do not apologize unless you truly are sorry. Honestly, I am just p*ssed off that I allowed you to continue doing this when I could have said something. I was only on a mission for a week, I could have approached you about it immediately upon my return. Or even before leaving."

"It isn't your job to watch after me. I should be old enough to know what to do and what not to do. I'm just being selfish. I always bother people, causing them to worry about me. I'm sorry."

"Tukiko, you cannot help how you feel. The only thing that you can help is how you react to those feelings. You try to mask your pain with jokes because you think that if someone laughs, the situation isn't as serious as it truly is."

"No one is laughing, though."

"That's because there is nothing funny about watching someone you deeply care about insult herself. Just as there is nothing funny about you wanting to inflict pain upon yourself because you think you deserve it when you don't. I messed up by not checking up on you more frequently. It was my fault that I believed you every time you reassured me that you were fine. From now on, I will check up on you and pay closer attention to if you really mean what you say."

"I don't want to be your burden."

"You are not my burden, you are my precious little sister. I love you, and I want you to love yourself. Come on, let's get back to your room. I want you to hand over your knife and any other sharp items. This includes your weapons."

"That isn't fair! How am I going to train?!" Tukiko hissed, glaring at me. I stared back at her, making it clear that I was being serious.

"Tukiko, you have proven that you are a danger to yourself. From now on, if you want to train, someone is going to have to watch you. Now come on, I am not a patient man," I stated, ending the conversation.

Before she could protest, I got off of the bed, pulling Tukiko off as well. She once more glared at me before opening my door, storming off into the hallway with me following closely behind. Neither of us spoke a word, nor did we encounter anyone else on our journey. Once we arrived at our destination, Tukiko opened her door, stepping into the room. I followed behind her, closing the door partway.

Tukiko threw open her closet, removing all of the weapons she had stowed in there, tossing them to the floor. She then sauntered over to her desk, removing the weapons stored there as well. She threw those to the floor, then grabbed a key from her desk. Walking over to her bed, she reached under it, coming out with a box. Opening it up, she took out some rocks before producing the knife, throwing that to the ground as well.

"Tukiko, we both know you have more than that," I commented. Giving a frustrated sigh, she pried open some of her floorboards, producing the majority of the weapons that she owned, one of which was a flamethrower.

"Hakai gave it to me as a gift," Tukiko muttered. Of course she did. I glanced at Tukiko's desk, noticing Daisuke lying somewhat motionless. I doubt that she would use Daisuke's stinger to damage herself. She loved that scorpion. Also, she hated poison.

"I'll wrap them up in your blanket and deposit them in my room for the time being. I'll return with your blanket when I am done with the process," I informed her.

She didn't respond.

"Tukiko, do you hate me now?"

This got a reaction. Tukiko ran over to me, hugging me as she began to sob. I returned the hug, and we stayed like that for a while. I don't know how much time passed, but she eventually let go, shaking her head. She couldn't even bring herself to form words.

Making sure that Tukiko was okay, I began to throw the weapons onto the blanket, wrapping them up. Amazed that none of them ripped through the thick fabric, I made a mental note to replace her blanket with the same type. Making sure that I had every weapon secured, I opened the door, carrying the baggage with me. I turned around to take a glance at Tukiko. She was rubbing her eyes, still sobbing.

"I'm not doing this because I'm angry. I'm doing this because I love you, Tukiko."

With that, I shut the door behind me, walking back to my room. I would check up on her later today. Right now, I feel like drinking whatever alcoholic beverage we have that Kisame hasn't already gotten his hands on.

********************************************************************

*Hakai pov*

After making fun of Itachi for trying to force me to reveal the hiding place of my other poems, I walked around the base for a bit, hoping to find Deidara to make fun of. Sadly, I never found him, even after looking for over an hour. Giving up, I decided to pay Tukiko a visit. To my surprise, when I arrived at her room, I found that she had left the door unlocked. While she wasn't technically supposed to lock it during the day, she usually did. Sometimes she got away with it, but I was usually the one who caught her.

I never said anything to leader or Konan because I also like rebellion and support it full-heartedly.

Not bothering to knock, I forced the door open and found Tukiko in the corner of her room, arms wrapped around herself and head between her knees. I couldn't see her face, but I noticed the sniffing sounds and heavy breathing that are associated with crying. Sh*t.

"Tukiko? I'm coming in, okay? I'll lock the door, you can even blame me for it," I said. She didn't say anything. She didn't even bother to look up.

I sighed, locking the door before approaching Tukiko, just standing in front of her, waiting for her permission to sit down beside her. From my experience, it is best to wait until the person crying allows you to comfort them. Usually, especially if they are not close to you, they will get even more upset if you just assume that you are allowed to comfort them. Even though Tukiko felt like a little sister to me, that didn't mean that she would still feel comfortable with me comforting her.

My ears perked up when I heard Tukiko begin to speak.

"How the h*ll do I just forget everything and move on? I feel like everything is my fault...how do I get rid of these feelings? Do I even deserve to? What if I always feel miserable because I deserve to feel like that? I'm so confused," Tukiko sobbed into her arms and I sat down next to her, rubbing her back.

I have never been good at helping people feel better. I never had anyone to help me feel better growing up, I had grown used to relying on myself...crying in closed rooms. It always pained me to see someone else crying, but I could never help someone else feel better. How could I? No one was ever there to teach me empathy, not even Elena.

I could just walk away and get Konan or Sasori. They would know how to handle Tukiko. I took a glance at Tukiko, noticing how she shook with each sob she made. I can't leave her like this. She needs someone right now, and I was lucky enough to be the only one available. Sighing, I removed my hand from her back.

"Listen, I am not going to lie to you. I have never been good at it and I never will be. It's not exactly a good characteristic to have. I mean, you tell one small lie and that leads to another bigger lie, and before you know it-" I began to ramble on, having no idea where I was going with the conversation.

"You burn a house down?" Tukiko asked, peeking at me from the side. I stared at her.

"No. I was going to say, 'you get caught in your lies.' Where the f*ck do you get arson from?"

​"Deidara told me that his first lie was to his mom when she asked if he blew their house down."

"That explains so f*cking much."

"That was my reaction, too."

"Okay, I really want to hear about this, but Deidara isn't important right now. Or ever...sh*t, I'm sorry. I keep forgetting he isn't anywhere near us. It is so easy to pick on him. Listen, I'm not good at this. It's easier for me to laugh and make jokes than it is to actually be serious. You need someone to help you clarify some sh*t for you, but you got stuck with me. Tukiko, take what I tell you with a grain of salt, okay?" I said, looking over at her.

Tukiko stretched her knees out and lowered her arms. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were puffy. She looked tired. I don't know why, but I was filled with fear when I saw that expression. It was as if she had already given up. Given up on the situation, on others, and on ever being happy again. Worst of all, it seemed as though she had given up completely on herself.

"Don't give up, please. I know how hard it is to keep going when it seems that everything is pointless. When it seems like everything is your fault and no matter what anyone else says, you can't change how you feel. It is so hard to face each day, knowing that what lies ahead is depressing and seemingly meaningless. The people you grew up with leave you even though they promised you forever and you keep your distance from the new people that enter your life because it is horrifying to be hurt again. Eventually, you can't even see the people around you and their voices get even more distant as the days pass. You won't be able to see the people who are reaching their hands out towards you until it's too late to grasp onto them," I ranted.

I stopped, taking a shaky breath. F*ck. This conversation is way too personal, and I don't even know if I'm helping. Am I saying this because she needs to hear this? Or am I saying it for myself? Either way, I guess it's long overdue.

"You f*cking matter! I know that it may seem like the path you travel on is alone, but if you would just turn around, you would see that everyone is walking behind you, ready to catch you if you fall. So long as you don't walk too far ahead, we will f*cking catch you. I'm not going to lie, I'm clumsy. I may drop you a few times, but I'll always be there to pick you back up again. So long as you trust me enough to do so. I know that you aren't perfect, but h*ll, who is? The more you insult yourself, the more you insult the people who choose to be your friend. We will never give up on you, so please don't give up on yourself." I finished, the last part coming out quieter than I had intended.

Tukiko didn't respond, and I didn't try to lighten the mood. I knew that there was a time to joke and a time to just stay quiet. If the silence ensued for a lengthy period of time, I would obviously break it, but for now the silence was okay. It didn't make it any less awkward, but Tukiko has always been the type of person to keep to herself regardless of if it made anyone uncomfortable. Not that that was a bad thing; it is kind of admirable that she doesn't change herself to make other people feel comfortable around her.

"Hey, Hakai...," Tukiko's voice was barely above a whisper, but it still caught my attention. I noticed that she was still crying, but the tears were now silently streaming down her face. She didn't make any move to get rid of them.

"Yeah?"

"Why do I hate myself so much?"

That was a difficult question to answer. People despise themselves for different reasons. Some people assume that everything bad that happened in life happened because they were alive, some people were raised to believe that everything was their fault, some people compared themselves to others and hated that there were people superior to them, some people lied about who they really were and felt shame for doing so, and others hated themselves for completely different reasons. Still, regardless of the reasoning, self-hatred usually stimulated from one thing.

"You care too much, but you can't help it. People who hate themselves, more often than not, have really big hearts. They are usually very compassionate people, but they'll never believe that if anyone would tell them so. It's hard to answer this question with a simple answer, and to be honest, it requires a more complex way of looking at it. You can tell someone that you think they are worth more than anything in this world, but it's difficult to prove that you think that. Still, you know in your heart that what you said is true, even if you can't convey it. In summary, you are an emotionally driven, caring person. You can't change who you are, and I don't want you to."

"It hurts so much, though. I wake up every day and it always hurts to get up and feel like this, like I'm not enough. I don't like it."

"I know. I know that it hurts and you don't want to go on anymore, but you have to. This may sound terrible, but I like meeting people who care so much. They remind me more than the overconfident people in life that people are human. People like you may say that they hate others, but they are just pushing them away so that they don't get close to them because they are scared that if they do, they will end up hurting them. People like you don't get much credit because other people may think that you are just complaining about nothing, but that's just because they don't have to go through what you are experiencing. You can't help the way you feel, and you shouldn't apologize for being you."

"I just don't want to disappoint anyone. I don't even know what my future looks like or who will be in it."

"Well, h*ll, I can tell you that. Your future is going to be f*cking awesome and I'll be by your side the entire way. You can never disappoint me or the people who truly care about you because we love you regardless of your flaws. We actually love your flaws."

"Are you really going to stay? You won't leave?" Tukiko looked at me expectantly and I smiled, putting my arm around her in a sort of half-hug.

"The road that we travel down has a really f*cked-up path, but it'll be easy to navigate together. You couldn't get rid of me if you wanted to because I'm here to stay."

She laughed and I joined her. I like to make people laugh with my jokes, but making people laugh from happiness instead of humor is even better. I know that there'll be days when she wants to regress back to that depressing place in her head, but I'll do everything I can to help her through it. You can't erase your sadness, but you can fight it off to where it doesn't control you. So long as she is willing to put up the fight, I'm willing to help.

That's what friends are for.

***************************************************************************

Sam: T^T

Me: Sam, it had to end eventually.

Sam: NO IT DIDN'T!
Me: Alright then...

Sasuke: I am so f*cking glad it's over.

Me: I know, I hate having my IQ lowered by every word you utter.

Sasuke: You know that nobody thinks you're funny, right?

Me: Mother of all that is holy, you just made me forget how to count to ten.

Itachi: How does someone even forget that?

Sam: Manga, start from one.

Me: One, two...twenty-nine...hashtag...

Sasuke: That doesn't even make sense.

Me: I JUST FORGOT MY EFFING NAME!

Sam: SASUKE STAHP!

Sasuke: YOU ARE BOTH IDIOTS!

Itachi: We can't even have a proper ending. How fitting for this novel.

Me: I mean, that is true.

Sam: Is it really the end?

Me: Well, yeah...I can't keep doing this.

Sam: Doing what?

Itachi: Disappointing readers with late updates?

Sasuke: Creating sh*tty stories?

Me: Ouch, my heart...

Sam: Itachi is savage.

Me: Yeah, but he has a point. Still, I meant I can't write a story based on a book that I didn't create myself. Also, I'm not as popular as I used to be. I doubt I will be that missed.

Sam: I'll miss you.

Me: Dude, we can still talk.

Sam: IT'S NOT THE SAME.

Me: Seriously though, this is the end. I'm posting one more chapter that I hope you read, but that's it. I want to thank you all for sticking through it despite how crappy I am to you (slow updates, years without updates, terrible writing, unfunny jokes, etc.).

Sasuke: You really are terrible.

Me: I know for a fact you're lying.

Sasuke: I hate you.

Me: Aw, thanks. Anyway, Before I officially end this, I wanted to say something important. What I wrote in this epilogue was heavy. It covered some topics that maybe people didn't want to read in a once semi-light-hearted book. I felt it necessary to cover the topics. Everyone feels alone at one point in their life, like no one is going through what they are going through. Reaching out to someone is even harder because you don't want to bother the people you care about, but you also only want to depend on the people you trust. Your emotions are conflicting and it hurts.

Sam: We know this.

Me: If there is anything you get from this, please let it be the knowledge that you matter. Without going into detail, I have been through years of self-hatred, insecurity, and low-self-esteem. I am not saying these words lightly, so I truly mean this. You are more than what you think you are, than what others think you are. You are not a burden, you are not a mistake, and people do love you. It may seem like you're alone, but please just turn around. The people who love you are running to keep up to your pace. Wait on them.

Itachi: Let's wrap this up.

Me: Yeah. Sam?

Sam: Hm? Oh! Read my stories! At @samanthauchiha

Sasuke: Are we done here?

Me: Goodbye guys. Take care :)