yellow

letter i will never send

It was summer. We started talking. I felt like you were the person I could tell everything to. You laughed with me when I needed it. You got serious with me when I needed it. I was always checking Snapchat to see if you'd opened my messages, Instagram to see if you'd seen them, and my texts to see if you'd read them. You called me beautiful, and when I said I needed time, you said you would wait for me, forever. One day something changed. You stopped listening to me like you used to. You said awful things to me, and my friends started telling me that I needed to leave you before I got hurt. I was holding on to what we had before. It was deteriorating before my eyes, but I couldn't see it, couldn't make myself see it, because it wasn't "like you". Suddenly that stopped, and you were "you" again. My friends told me something was off, that it wasn't real, but I was still holding on. I finally got a feeling something was off. I tried ignoring you, thinking that if I could try to erase you, I could erase my feelings too. You blew up my phone and told me you loved talking to me, and I felt like you were lying. But still I believed you. Your friends told me that it was all a joke. You never liked me in the first place. You led me on, just to see what would happen. You told them that I was pathetic and dumb, not anyone's type, no one would ever really like me, for me. I couldn't believe it. For me, when it felt real it was real. And here you were, denying it all. We stopped talking. We went months without a single word, glance, or smile at each other. I was still hurting so deeply from what I thought was real. It took everything in me not to show it. Many months later, that pain was even still there. I carried it with me everywhere. I texted you and called you out. I asked why you lied to me for so long. Why you just didn't care. You said you had always liked me, but I was just too "out of your league". I typed through my tears, looking at your blatant lies, that it was okay. Because somehow still through everything, all I could see was the boy that I met in summer who called me beautiful. I missed the boy that was the only notification that mattered to me. But they were all lies, I just couldn't bring myself to say it. I wish that I could have left my good memories of you behind, because then I only would have seen who you really are. It took so much pain and tears to realize that you were never really worth it. With all my heart I hope that you never put anyone else through what I went through, with you.

AUTHORS NOTE:
If you read this far thank you so much! Please leave feedback and let me know if you're a fan of my rant-style poetry stuff because I write often so I have some other stuff that's similar. Love you all sorry this is really long :)