ALL THE KING'S MEN | BARRY ALLEN

04. ALL I WANT

❛ chapter four! ❜

four | all i want—kodaline

       I wrap my arms around myself, feeling the soft fabric of the sweat shirt I'm wearing and stare down at the pair of sneakers Iris has lent me. I think of my little spot under the endless starry sky in the Speed Force and for a minute I wish I was there instead of here, sitting on the floor of the race track in the speed lab as they call it. I sigh after a little while and decide it's not that bad here; it's quiet, private—I cannot see the stars but I have the silence at least. I feel tempted to explore the race track they've built, maybe some other time, for now I'll just limit myself to sit by the ramp.

       I don't think anyone notices my absence, since everyone's disquieted trying to convince Caitlin—whose powers have brought her darkest side to the surface and this new persona is attempting to take over—that she's still the nice and kindhearted person they know and love. I've seen that before, something similar happened back on my earth. When they caught Caitlin and locked her up in a containment cell, all the team gathered in the pipeline, everyone but me. I stayed in the Cortex and heard and saw everything Doctor Snow told them through one of the computers. There, I learned that Barry had run back in time to save his mother and how he created the Flashpoint Paradox. I really had to stop myself from going and reproaching at Barry for doing so, but then again—in a moment of weakness—I would have done it too. I mean, losing someone is not easy and if you have the power to bring them back, it's harder not to feel tempted to do it. I battle with that every single day.

       A loud, tired and frustrated sigh snaps me out of my little daze and my eyes shoot straight ahead. I see Barry Allen making his way to the treadmill in the room and sits on the edge. He doesn't know I'm here. I want to hide so badly, having a conversation with him is the last thing I would want right now, for I feel like I will either stare intensely at his face, or I'll pull him into a never ending hug, to say the least. I slowly rise and start to walk down the race track ramp, as quietly as I can, in hopes to get the hell out of here. I'm almost there; I see Barry's expression, he looks. . .sad, disappointed. Somehow, that pains me; but hell I have to get out of here. I wince with every step I take and these sneakers aren't helping me at all, just when I'm about to turn and disappear through the door, the rubber soles make a loud squeaking sound on the slick flooring. In less than a second, I have his eyes on me.

       "Violett?" He says and I'm still trying to decide which way to go when he speaks.

       "Sorry, I was just—I didn't want to interrupt. . .I was just leaving, it's a nice race track you have here," I bite my tongue to stop the massive rambling I feel coming on and I see the faintest of smiles on his face, which grows gloomy again, "I'm sorry, I'll just leave now."

       "You don't have to leave," he says, quickly adding, "and you're not interrupting anything," I give him a tight-lipped smile while I toy with the hem of my sweatshirt with antsy fingers. Now I feel like I really need to ask, even if I don't want to have a conversation with him, but that's what any friendly and normal person would do.