Sad Supernatural Imagines :'(

im still hurting. (Dean X Daughter!Mia)

Name: Mia
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"I'm not a kid anymore, Dad. I'm nineteen. I know that you don't want to force hunting on me, and you don't have to, because I WANT to do it. I feel it in my blood. You can't keep me from it and you know it."
I said as I marched up to Dean, but staying at a safe distance.
"I know you're old enough, Mia, I'm just not comfortable with you risking your life just yet. You've only lived a small portion of it and I can't let it be cut short, right? What kind of dad would that make me? A shit one. I'm so tired of you complaining. I already told you that when I'm ready I'll take you-"
I felt tears begin to sting my eyes.
"ITS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU. I'm comfortable and I wanna do this for me. I'm so trapped in this fucking place."
I said gesturing at the brick walls.
"I can never do anything unless you give me the damn green light, and I respected that because it made you feel okay. I wanted you to be happy that I'm safe, daddy. But, it's time I make myself happy too. Don't you want that for me?"
He paced over to me with anger smoothed onto his hard face.
A stone cold look that used to make me shake in my boots, but now all I wanted to do was slap the stupid face off of him.
"I don't give half a shit if you're happy or not. YOURE ALIVE, MIA. I kept your ass alive and all you do is make me feel like ass for wanting to protect you from the things I've seen. No means no. End of fucking discussion."
He started to walk away but I scoffed loudly.
"This is bullshit."
He turned around slowly and faced me again.
"What the fuck did you just say?"
I squinted.
"This. Is. FUCKING. Bullshit."
I said again but louder this time.
"You and me both know the only reason you won't let me hunt is because you accidentally got momma killed during one, and you just can't forgive yourself for it, can you?"
His mouth formed an ugly scowl and he cracked his neck.
"That's not true."
He muttered through his grinding teeth.
"Go fuck yourself, Dean."
I started to walk away, but turned around to face him again with tears running down my face.
I almost wanted to apologize.
"You can go ahead and hide and run when shit gets tough, but I can't anymore. Loosing mom hurt me JUST as much as it hurt you. I'm still hurting, and I'm tired of pretending like I'm not to please you. So, yeah, go fuck yourself, prick."
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I locked myself away for a while.
Hiding in the plain walls of my room.
He took everything down.
Every picture and drawing. Gone.
Every memory of her shredded, because it hurt him to much.
After my mom died, he changed, he no longer cared about how I felt, or if I was ok.
All he wanted was for me to have a pulse, because he hurt a little less.
Meanwhile I bathe in sadness.
He keeps me alive to hope that one day I'll become my mom and fill the hole in his heart.
I think that when she left us, it was like I left alongside her.
Without her, I ceased to matter in his eyes.
A knock on my door was all I needed to snap myself back into reality.
I shook myself together and wiped my face on my pillows, before getting up and cracking open the door.
"Hey."
I said plainly and softly, hoping that he would get the message, I wanted to be alone.
"Hey, Mia, I heard the fight. That was the third time this week. You wanna talk about it?"
Sam asked politely and trying to show concern.
"Honestly? Kinda, but I know that Ill just end up bursting into tears. I know what I want, and I know you can't give it to me."
I said gingerly trying to show him that I meant him absolutely no harm.
I love Sam, but sometimes it's easier, for everyone, to just do things alone.
No matter how much it hurt me, I had to shut him out for his own good.
"Mia, I just want to help. You don't need to go through everything alone."
I open the door a little bit more for the light to shine on my face.
I revealed the bags under my eyes and the paleness of my skin.
"No, Sam, I know you don't want to go through this with me, and you don't have to just because your my uncle. Besides I really want to be alone right now"
I lied.
"I just want to sort out my thoughts,"
I lied again.
"and I promise, if I plan on making any stupid decisions I will come to you first..."
He didn't believe me, but I'm a lost cause, and he knew it.
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I packed the last of my things.
Two full bags.
That was all I owned.
I slugged on the backpack and carried the duffle bag out the door.
I was about to hit the stairs when someone cleared their throat behind me.
"Going somewhere, Mia?"
I turned and saw my dad sitting in the old armchair.
"Yeah. Jody's. I think I can really improve there. You won't let me grow up period, but at least Jody will help me do it safely..."
He got up and walked towards me with a blank expression.
He stopped a few feet away from me and it was almost like he was looking at me for the first time.
Like he didn't know who I was anymore.
I didn't know him either.
We both changed after she died and it was like we both were finally seeing it in each other.
"You really want to do this, dont you?"
I felt tears threatening to fall.
"More than anything. Anything that isn't here. That doesn't remind me, everyday, that my mother is gone. I'd rather be dead, dad. Than to be here another day and watch you pretend that everything is okay. That I'm okay. When I'm not. I'm hurting, and I've been hurting. I want to make it stop, but I'm not strong like you and Sam. I can't push back everything. I see her everywhere and it's killing me. I'd rather be dead than hurt like this anymore."
He watched as tears cascaded down my cheeks leaving behind invisible burns on my skin.
He walked closer to me and hugged me tightly, and I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed hard like I would when I was a kid.
He kissed the top of my head and pulled away from me with his hands still gripping my shoulders leaving us arms length apart.
The closest we had been since the funeral.
I could see that since then he wasn't sleeping well and that he was constantly stressing.
His eyes dull and skin pale.
He was hurting.
Just like me.
"It would kill me, Mia, to let you walk out that door-"
I slumped and realized this fight would never come to end.
I went to turn around, but he gripped me tight and made me face him.
"...alone. I better get my things and go with you. I can't hold you back anymore, baby. I realize that now, but I won't loose you. I can't. You're my best friend, my kid, and I love you."
I sighed in relief and jumped into his arms with tears of joys this time.
"I love you too."
I whispered into his shoulder.
All this time, and he was hurting too.
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