Sad Supernatural Imagines :'(

flinch. (Dean X Reader!Julia)

Dean rests his head in my lap, exhausted, and sad as all hell.
A kid died on their hunt today.
There was nothing they could have done, nevertheless he's getting rather down on himself.
It breaks my heart to see him like this.
He may not be crying, but the emptiness in his green eyes says it all.
"Sit up, love, come here."
I whisper softly, helping him pick himself up and immediately pulling him into me.
"Are you ok?"
I ask as we pull away.
"Does it matter?"
He mutters, avoiding eye contact with me..
"Of course it matters, Dean. You went through something horrible today-"
"Me? Oh no, what I went through was a cake walk compared to...actually, I'd rather not get into it."
He gets up, and I do the same.
I grab his hand so that he can't walk away.
So that he can't avoid this painful, yet inevitable, conversation.
"I know that you're hurting right now, or at the very least feeling guilty, but-"
"Can't you give it a rest for once?! You weren't there and you have no fucking idea what I'm feeling right now!"
He barks at me, his mood rapidly shifting from annoyed to furious.
"Jesus...I'm just trying to talk to you, Dean. I'm trying to be a good girlfriend and make you feel better. I'm trying to do what I'm supposed to-"
"-fixing me isn't your job."
He mutters bitterly, trying to find any reason to further the argument.
"I'm not trying to fix you, please just listen-"
He stomps on the ground, his nostrils flaring up like my father's used to.
"-No, you listen. I don't need you, Julia. I don't need you to hold my fucking hand-"
He rips his hand away, pissed off.
"-I don't need you to stroke my hair. I CERTAINLY don't need you to make me feel better."
He shouts, angrily knocking a lamp to the ground.
I feel tears pricking my eyes, but I hold them inside, not wanting to let him know how badly he'd just hurt my feelings.
"You know know what, Dean? Fine. If you don't need me then maybe I should leave."
I say with clenched teeth, my face scrunched up in frustration.
He walks up to me slowly, gets very close to my face and whispers-
"Maybe you fucking should."
My mouth drops open as my heart is impaled by his sentence.
He scoffs, realizing I have nothing left to say.
Then, he walks away, as if nothing happened.
As if he didn't care that he just told me to pack up and get fucked.
I feel something boiling in my chest, and I can't tell if it's sadness or anger.
"FUCK YOU, DEAN!"
I scream at him, as whatever was boiling in my chest is set aflame.
The feeling of regret hits almost instantaneously.
I can immediately feel the room fill with his anger.
I can see the fury growing beneath the muscles in his back.
He turns around too quickly and...I flinch.
I flinch hard, hiding my face in fear.
My eyes squeeze shut, waiting for his palm to connect with my cheek.
...but nothing happens.
The blow never comes.
I open my eyes and slowly raise them to look at Dean, whose now standing in front of me.
His entire demeanor has changed.
He looks hurt, confused, and completely offended.
"...what the hell was that?"
He asks softly, scrunching his eyebrows.
I sit down, wanting to allow my body to relax.
I try to allow myself to put down the shield, but I'm still breathing hard.
My heart is still pounding out of my chest.
I'm still afraid, and it breaks his heart.
"Did you think...Jesus, did you think that I was going to hit you?"
He asks, kneeling down in front of me.
I look away, ashamed.
I don't know what to say.
"Julia, look at me."
I can't...
I can't bring myself look at him, to come to terms with what I'd just accused him of.
"Please, Jules, I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't think I was going to hurt you just now."
His voice cracks, and my head immediately spins in his direction.
I've never heard him even make so much as a sad grunt before, let alone his voice cracking.
Yet, there he was, staring at me with tears in his eyes.
"I would never lay a hand on you. Never...and the fact that you could ever see me-"
"-Dean, my love. I know...okay? I know you'd never hurt me."
I say softly, cupping his face in my hands, trying to bring him any kind of reassurance.
But, a tear runs down my face, because I can tell he doesn't believe me at all
"Julia, you flinched like I put a fucking gun in your face...Don't lie to me."
He gets up, and sits in the spot next to me.
"Okay. Okay, you're right. I got scared, and I-"
"Jesus."
He mutters, wiping his hands down his face.
"It wasn't you. It wasn't your fault, Dean, I swear."
He shakes his head and gets up.
"I can't believe this shit."
He tries to walk away, but I follow.
I can't let him leave.
I can't let him think that I don't trust him.
"Wait...Okay? Just wait."
I take a deep breath.
"My dad used to hit me. He would beat me senseless...all the time. Especially for talking back-"
My eyes start to water, thinking about my dad brings back the worst memories.
"-And sometimes, when I say things that are out of line, or rude...I just expect it. I expect to get hurt, and it has nothing to do with you or how I feel about you."
I hold his face in my hands, he looks concerned, and slightly sad.
"I love you, Dean, and I know that you'd never hit me. I know that you wouldn't do anything to hurt me, because I know you. I know you inch for inch, and I trust you."
I take him to sit down, and hold his hands in mine once again.
I try putting him at ease, but my efforts prove to be pointless.
The tension remains.
"I didn't know about your childhood...but I should have. We don't talk anymore, Julia. We used to tell each other everything, but now when I come home the first thing we do is fight. I can barely get in a kiss hello before we're screaming at each other."
He says softly, finally looking me in the eyes.
Hurt fills his heart, and I put it there.
"I know that things have been hard lately, for us. Maybe uhm...maybe we've changed. Maybe we don't fit anymore. Maybe we're drifting apart-"
"-I don't want to drift."
He pouts, like a child wanting to keep an old blanket.
He rips his hands away from me and drags them through his hair.
"I don't want us to drift apart. but...we've been together for over a year and I feel like I don't know anything about you"
A tear falls from my eyes, but Deans quick to wipe it away.
I grab the sides of his face and kiss him, hard.
He pulls my body close to him and kisses me back.
As we release I can see tears forming in his eyes.
"This isn't anything we can't fix. With some time, and some trust. We can get back on track. We don't want to lose everything we've built, right?"
He shakes his head, and looks down.
"I love you, more than I can ever put into words. I know that that's not enough, but for now...it's gonna have to do. But, I'm gonna learn. I'm gonna learn to open up to you. I promise, but you have to promise to do the same. Communication goes both ways."
I say softly, caressing the side of his face.
"I love you, Julia...and I'll learn too, I promise"
He whispers, kissing me again.
This kiss feels like he's searching for something.
Like he's trying to find what we'd lost a long time ago.
If I'm honest with myself, I don't truly know if we'll ever find it again.
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