Chapter 3: Past Mistakes

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TRIGGER WARNING BEFORE YOU START THIS CHAPTER:SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS ARE IN THIS CHAPTER. READ ON AT YOUR OWN RISK

"Damn Chloe this is a nice little shack you got here, couch, check, stereo, check, pot? Double check." I look around the little shack in the junkyard while Chloe takes off her jacket and tosses it on a chair in the corner. She cranks up the stereo and some Bon Jovi comes on, the only reason I know that, is from my mom, who loved listening to him. But I quickly quit thinking about my parents as to not ruin the night. I wanted this to be fun and not fuck it up.

You got this Jimmy.

"So, Jimmy, what's your story? Why did you choose a shit town like Arcadia Bay to move to?" She lights up her joint and puffs it and passes, I take it and hit it hard. I hold it for as long as I can, As I exhale and start feeling the buzz. I pass it back to Chloe and tell her what I tell everyone else, "My parents sent me here, they thought it would be best for me to get away from family for a while."

"You. Are. Lying." Chloe says as she smirks and looks at me, she's chilling on the couch and passes the joint again, I take another hit and feel even better, before I realized it, I had smoked the rest of it and heard Chloe get mad. "You owe me asswipe, that was all I had for a week"

"Calm down Price, I got you." I take out a 50 and hand it to her, she takes it and is in awe,

"Who carries a 50 like that without thinking about it? Who exactly are you?"

"'Who are you?' Man that's one tough question, Chloe. We just met but you are the first person I can trust with this. I just get that vibe from you." I sit down next to her and look her straight in the eyes. All shyness has gone away for the time being "you want to know who I am, so I'll tell you. My name is James Carswell. I'm from Indianapolis, Indiana and I'm here because I got a scholarship for music, which my mom was thrilled about. Mom was thrilled, but my dad won't know.... he passed away a few years ago in a bad car wreck."

"Oh my god, I know exactly what you mean.... my dad went the same way." I look at her and fight tears as I realize I'm not alone in this.

"Thank you Chloe. I know I just met you all but I feel like I can trust you guys. I've never been in a town this small, it's weird, but I like it."

"Yeah, sometimes small is good but not when something big happens." She gets up and sits back on the couch and stares in the distance. I sit next to her and ask what's bothering her. She gets up and picks up her jacket, "have you ever shot a gun before?" As soon as she asks that I have a flashback. A horrible flashback from a moment I never wanted to think about again. I had a gun pressed to my head, I slowly pulled the hammer back. My letter to my mom on the stand next to me. I cried and kept repeating, sorry, over and over again feeling like this was the only way for anyone to love me. Was for myself to finally be gone. I come back to reality due to Chloe snaping her fingers in my face.

"Jimmy? You okay? You are worrying me." I nod noting that I am fine, I get up and walk towards her and roll my sleeve up and show her my scars. Some are fresh and the rest are not.

"What the hell?" She grabs my arm and looks at them and looks at me. "You don't have to do this anymore? What caused this?!" Chloe asks.

"It started when I lost my dad, mom basically quit loving me. She didn't mean to but that's how it ended up being. I had to steal food for us from the store, and I got arrested twice doing it since I was 14. She never came to bail me out, when they tried taking me away from her I ran. I would hide in drain pipes, under bridges. Even in a homeless shelter on occasion. But at the last shelter I found a razor blade in a box in the back, the box hadn't been open but I took it. Mainly as a tool for if anyone started shit, but it got to the point where I cut myself with it, and at that moment I felt something. I actually felt pain again. I eventually went back to mom, but by then she was beyond worried and thought I died. When she saw me she hugged me and something changed in her to start caring again. When I got the scholarship for Blackwell she was so happy."

"Jesus dude, that is harsh... I wish I could do that to get away from Joyce and Step douche." I laugh as she calls someone step douche.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gone on for so long." I roll my sleeve down.

"Don't be sorry, you had a break down, it happens. I've never known how to handle other people's breakdowns but I have them hella often." I don't even want to pry that open yet. I can't see someone so cool and rebellious doing something like breaking down. We climb into Chloes truck. Before she takes me back to Blackwell, I ask her a question."

"Chloe, do I give off a good vibe?" I look at her in anticipation.

"Yeah dude, you are hella chill, I think we should hangout more often." She smiles as I look at my phone.

"Oh shit, it's 3 in the morning, Christ that's late." I say silently swearing to myself.

"Shit I didn't know it was that late, I'm so sorry Chloe, I'll get you some extra pot, I promise!" She hands me her phone.

"Number. Now. Or else." She smiles as she 'threatens' me.

"What is this 'or else' Price? You gonna hurt me?" I laugh as I put in my number and hand her phone back to her. She calls it to make sure I didn't give her a fake one. My phone rings as Basket Case by Green day plays in my pocket. I pull out my phone, now having her number as well. She smiles and flips me off as she drives away. I can't help but to smile back.

I walk back to the dorms and lay on my bed, I throw the rest of my clothes and other crap on the couch and drift off to sleep. I wake up to a knock on my door and look at my phone, it's noon on a saturday, "Someone better be dead or dying..." I open the door to Chloe and Max. "Oh....."

"Nice jammies Jimmy." I look down noticing I'm only in my underwear, I close the door, amd pray to die, as I open it a second later with some shorts on. Chloe pushes her way in and sits on my bed. "Hella comfy bed, I may have to sleep on it sometime." To that comment I blush and look at Max.

"Hey Max, thanks for showing me around yesterday and introducing me to this blue firecracker." As I gesture towards Chloe. Max laughs, "No problem Jimmy, really it was nothing, it got me out of class for the day. Oh by the way what's your number? I wanted Chloe to call you to say we were coming but I guess that was a no go."

I look at my phone and notice 5 missed calls and 4 txts:
11:30 Wake up nerd, me and Maxi are coming to hang.
11:35 Bruh, wake your ass up or you die
11:40 Jimmy, wake up or else.
11:55 Almost there, better wake up to let us in or I'll knock on the door til you wake up.

"Chloe, mind explaining to me why you are threatening me this early? Especially when we just met yesterday?"

Max busts out laughing and falls to the floor, "Because I saw how you blushed last night, you get cute and flustered when I threaten you." My face turns 50 shades of red as I fall face first into my pillow. I hear Chloes voice in your ear.

"Boy if you fall back asleep so help me god." I push her over on the bed and start laughing. She looks at me with an a death glare I you know, for a fact, I fucked up. I jump up and hide behind Max, who is still laughing her ass off,

"Max protect me, please" Chloe is still on the bed staring at me with that death stare that means I better run or you die.

"Sorry Jimmy, you did it." Chloe starts chasing me around my room, I stop running when my phone goes off. It's mom, she never calls unless it's important. I answer the phone and hold my hand up in front of chloe.
M: Hey, Jimmy.
J: Yes mom, it's me, what's wrong?
M: can't I call my son just because I love him?
J: mom you don't call unless it's something important
M: I just wanted to let you know I may plan a trip down there soon to see you. I miss my baby.
J: Yeah, mom I'd love that!
M: Okay, I'll stay in touch and keep you updated, love ya!
J: Bye Mom, and by the way, love you too.

Chloe and Max are both staring at eachother, they heard the whole convo, I put on my shirt and shoes and walk out the door, not stopping until I reached the front door of the dorms. Max and chloe sprinted after me. "Jimmy? You alright man? Talk to us dude. We are here for you." I turn to them and smile, and just can't stop smiling. Finally, finally I found a new family.

Authors notes: I apologize to anyone suffering from depression or anxiety or any form of the two. I know what it's like first hand. Stay strong you got this!

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