Park and Ani

Can I call you Mani

"Parker, you're staring at her again." Wes grumbles grabbing the last trey of fries from the lunch buggy.

Sighing I nod before grabbing two slices of pizza and a cup of ranch for dipping. Heavens food combination, no one can tell me anything different. That's the fourth time he's caught me staring at her since we walked into the lunch room.

"Can you please just get over it and talk to her. I kinda like hanging out with my girlfriend and our friends at school, but it's hard when your girlfriend's best friend has tension with my best friend."

He's told me this several times before. Him and Blake have been arguing a lot because of what's happened between me and Imani, but no matter how many times I tell him I'll be fine if he hangs with them, not like he hasn't done it before, he just glares at me and tells me to shut the hell up.

"She probably doesn't want anything to do with me. She made that crystal clear at the hospital."

"But didn't she text you a couple days after saying she forgives you?"

I nod and he scoffs, walking over to our table. One not too far from the temporary table Imani and the rest sit at whole there's still snow on the ground outside. Following behind him I spare a quick glance towards their table only to see all of them looking at Wes and I. Turning away I mumble out a lame excuse before bee-lining to the library, lunch already tossed into a trashcan.

I can hear Wes sigh and I can already tell he's heading towards their table. I'm being a coward, and I'm sure they all think the same thing, but sparking up a conversation with a girl who basically shot you down isn't as easy as it seems.

Making my way into the library instantly has me regretting throwing my lunch away. The wailing of my stomach making the librarian shush me. Offering an apologetic smile, I head over to the study tables towards the back of the library. Settling down at one of the several wooden tables I pull out my textbooks and start on my assigned vocab.

My work is cut short by the clearing of a throat and a tray of food being slid into my field of vision. Looking up I come face to face with the one girl who's taken dictatorship over my thoughts for the past several months. Her expression as uncomfortable as the air around us.

"Wes said you'd probably be hungry." She mutters eyes glancing over at the door.

"Thanks." Averting my eyes from her gaze I look down at the now unappetizing slice of pizza.

"So, I'm gonna..." she trails off, slowly backtracking towards the exit.

Before I can stop myself, my hand flies out latching onto her wrist. Surprise is clear on her face.

I'm not even sure why I stopped her. I don't have the slightest clue as to what I should say to her, but I couldn't stomach the sight of her leaving.

"Parker?"

"I'm sorry."

She starts to speak, but I start rambling before she even gets the chance.

"I'm sorry. I fucked up and I know I did. I ignored you and tried to play victim and then acted like a little pussy when you didn't believe my feelings for you. I let them get in the way of the most important thing we had."

"And what was that Parker?"

Looking up I lock eyes with her, her expression unreadable.

"Our friendship. Yes, I've had feelings for you way before I ever knew you, but we were friends way before any of this got complicated."

Her expression softens and relief floods in.

"So, we're good again?" She smiles.

"No."

Her smile falls and confusion is etched into her face.

"I can't go back to just being friends Imani. I've tried to convince myself I'm fine with just being friends with you, but I can't do that at the snap of my fingers."

Just like that discomfort is coming off her in waves. There's something she's not telling me.

"You don't feel the same, do you?"

She doesn't hesitate, her head shakes almost instantly. Her expression full of guilt, but that did nothing to soothe the falling feeling in my stomach. The small shake of her head knocked every ounce of wind out of my body. I'm not sure why I expected she'd be just fine with giving me another chance after two months of avoiding her, but I didn't expect for her to blatantly tell me that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore.

"When'd that happen?" I chuckle, my laugh sounding fake even to my own ears.

"Some time after you left the hospital." She confesses not bothering to sugarcoat her words.

"So, there's basically no chance for me now is there."

"I don't know." Her voice is honest and steady. A stark contrast to my 'calm' exterior.

"Can I try something?"

Her eyes reconnect with mine and she nods offering me a small smile.

I know this is a bad idea, but it'll probably be the last time I'll ever get to do it.

Pulling her closer, my hand finds its way to her cheek and her eyes already are shining with warning.

"Parker."

I ignore the warning in her voice, dipping my head down and capturing her lips with my own. They were just as soft as before that wasn't surprising.

What was surprising was her responding almost instantly by placing her hands on my chest, gently pushing me away. When I reopened my eyes, I wasn't surprised by the sad expression on her face. I could tell she wanted to feel something, anything at all, but to her there was nothing there.

I wish I could say I was the same way, but the tight squeeze in my chest that happened from her rejection quickly debunked that lie.

"Sorry, I probably shouldn't have done that."

"S'okay," she mumbles attention on the tips of her converse.

"I'll try." I mutter, breaking the deafening silence between us.

When she looks up confusion is clear across her face, and if we were in a different situation, I probably would've laughed and told her how adorable she looked. I couldn't do that anymore, not without making the atmosphere around us awkward. Doesn't mean I couldn't think of how cute the small pucker in her lips is, or how her slight head tilt drives me insane, or how her eyes always twinkle with interest no matter how lost she is in a conversation.

"I'll try to just be a friend. I just... I don't want to lose you. Or the others, if they even took me off their black list that is."

She laughs a bit and reassures me that they've all gotten over it, lessening the nerves in my body. Her expression relaxes as relief takes its place on her exterior. Nodding to herself she smiles up at me, effectively stopping my heart.

"I would love that. Park." She speaks softly a small smile gracing her face.

"Am I allowed to call you Mani again?" I tease, thinking back to the bitter experience in the hospital.

She laughs a little scrunching her nose up at the memory, "Yes you can call me Mani again. Loser."

Pushing my shoulder, she nods her head towards the entrance of the library before looking back towards me with that little twinkle back in her eyes.

"You wanna come eat lunch with us? We still got a seat reserved for you."

I can't help the smile that forces its way across my face as we walk side-by-side to the lunch table with our now cheesing friends.

Everything felt just as it was again. There was no tension, no glares, nothing but the laughter and banter between a group of friends. 

It was so easy to fall back into the normal of things.

If only it was this easy to drop my feelings towards Imani.