Loving My Ex Lover

Chapter 6: Way Back

These past few weeks, I feel like my energy is nowhere to be found. Ang goal kong party and just have fun, parang nag melt ng biglaan. My friends are laughing at me, except for Butch and Valie.

Kaya naman, sa bahay ako maghapon. Dad and I aren't that okay, kaya iwas lang ako na magkasalubong kami. I spent my entire day sa kwarto, pakinig ng music. Tiffany's wedding did something to me, kaya napadalaw ako sa Lola Melissa sa ospital. Spent time, made her laugh and danced with her. Masaya naman ako na napangiti ko ang matanda, bigla ko kasing naisip after dancing with Tiffany's grandma.

Umalis sina Daddy to meet with some relatives for dinner, iyon ang sabi ng katulong pagbaba ko to grab something to eat. It's already ten in the evening bago ako nakaramdam ng gutom, higa lang ako maghapon.

" Ako na ho riyan."

Wika ko ng akmang igawa ako nito ng sandwhich, I made myself some sandwhich. Naupo sa dining area with a can of coke. Dumating sina Mommy, Dad's face was in surprise.

" Oh, aren't you supposed to be somehwere partying your life out?"

Wika nito na tumingin pa sa suot na relo, it was sarcastic and insulting. But well, he's right. I am supposed to be somewhere at this time, partying real hard. But what to do? Wala ako sa mood, which is rare.

" May sakit ka ba anak?"

I heard my Dad made some comment with Mom's question, pero dinedma ko na lang. Lumabas ito ng dining area, naupo ang Mommy.

" I can make some meal."

" I'm okay Mom, no need."

" Wala ka bang sakit?"

" Mom?"

" Okay, I'll just go get change and maybe..we can have some mother and son night..how was that?"

Tumango ako, saka ito lumabas ng dining room. After cleaning the kitchen, dumiretso ako sa may swimming pool nahiga sa beach bench nakapatong ang ulo sa braso. Looking at the dark skies, with an empty head.

Ilang sandali, dumating ang Mommy. Nahiga sa katabing bench.

" What is it?"

Umpisa nito. Bumuntong hininga ako, hindi ko kasi alam kung ano. I just feel like, empty for no reason.

" Alam mo, maaring hindi tayo madalas magkasama simula ng tumuntong ka ng 21 years old. Kasi, napapadalas ka na sa barkada. Si Butch na ang halos lagi mong kasama, at lagi kayong nasa lakad. But, it didn't mean na hindi na kita kilala. I am your mother, and I know at ramdam ko kung may kakaiba sa'yo. So tell me, what is it?"

Buntong hininga uli ako, saka bumangon at sumandal na lang.

" I don't know Mom, I just feel like I don't know what to do."

Natawa ito, bumangon tumingin sakin.

" Feeling empty?"

" Sort of."

" Like, the thought of partying just won't work? Or..making out with some hot chic?"

Natawa ako, my Mom sure knows a lot. Well, she's my mom. Of course she does.

" Mom, how did you just you know allow me to do things my way? Unkike Dad who's been yelling, nagging and even slapped me. All I heard from you is that, your Dad is just tired, your Dad loves you, son it's okay. Why?"

" Why? Why not? Actually, hinayaan lang kitang sadya. You are already an adult, and I don't want to treat you like a boy. I want my son to become a man, learning from his own mistakes. Let him live his life on his own, but without you moving out. Kasi, gusto ko nakikita kita. What was her name? That girl who broke your heart for the first time?"

Yumuko ako, Mom still remember that time.

" Ella."

" That, yes. Ella. The first girl who made my son's heart beat like there's no tomorrow, the first girl who taught my son what love is and how it works. She taught my son the hard way, iyon lang talaga ang masaklap. My son took the lesson seriously, and been using it differently. Alam mo, I choose to just keep quite. Kasi, kapag dumagdag ako sa sermon at nagging ng Daddy mo. What will it give you? More pressure and might just push you even harder."

Tumingin ako rito, nakatitig sakin. I have not look at my Mom for a long time, and now I am seeing her face remembering that she is already 64 years old. While I was busy flirting with different women every night of my life, nakalimutan ko nang hawakan at haplusin ang mukha ng sarili kong ina. I took my hand into her face, ngumiti ang Mommy. Ngumiti rin ako, she took my hand and held it tight.

" Why did you let that hearbreak turn you into a man that you are now? You have taken forgranted of the chance, na pwede ka ulit magmahal. Na pwede ka ulit mangarap ng kinabukasan, kasama ang babaeng mapipili uli ng puso mo. Trust me my love, no making out or flirting or sexing could ever fill your life like settling down could. Imagine, waking up in the morning with that very special woman's smile, spending the entire days of your everydays for a lifetime with someone whom you can call your wife and be a great dad to your kids and just be that loving husband to that lucky wife."

Mom's words are penetrating, it's like a stone she hit my head with. Bakit nga ba? Ella, she was the first girl na minahal ko. Back in College, I was once that wishful guy who thought of nothing but becoming the man Ella deserves. Naiisip ko na nga na magpropose kapah gumraduate kami, puno ako ng pangarap para sa amin. Back then, Dad and I were like bestfriends. Ganoon ako lumaki, Dad and Mom filled me with love and care. Naiba lang ang tingin ng Daddy sakin when he learned about my activities, iyong party party na nauuwi na sa umagahan with women I just met.

He began to treat me like I am that such a bad son, I can't blame him though. He taught me nothing but good stuffs, above all. He taught me to respect women, specially Mom. Sabi niya, kapag nagawa kong irespeto ang Mommy. That means, he doesn't have to worry about me finding that one woman na mamahalin ko kasi daw sigurado siya na lumaki ang anak niya ng may respeto sa babae.

Whenever he scolds me, nakikita ko sa mga mata niya ang disappointment. And I was so stubborn to just ignore it, with Mom telling me all these things now. Reminding me of how I let my past take over my present, narealize ko din. I have done too much disappointment for my parents, with my Dad so vocal about it and my Mom who choose to just shut her mouth for the fear that it might push me even harder.

Naluha ako, para akong dinala sa nakaraan. To where I was able to think of, bakit nga ba? Umiyak ako sa sobrang sakit, nabigo ako, nadurog ang puso ko. Ella cheated and traded me, knowing at the end. Hinabol niya lang ang popularity, I was once that famous campus guy. Came from a good clan, wealthy that every girls are trying to win me. But Ella was chosen by my heart, only to leave me and broke it.

Mom was right, hinayaan kong lamunin ako ng sakit at gamitin itong panangga so that I won't get to feel pain, so I won't fall in love..so I won't become that same pathetic boy who was weeping so hard back then. My past, now I have taken my way back to where it all started.

Yumakap ako sa Mommy, humagulhol na ako. With my Mom, I know it is okay to cry. To weep, alam kong yagakapin niya kang ako at patatahanin and give me a promise that everything will be alright.

( His Dad is watching them from a distance)